


Side Effects

by Emybulby



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Agitation, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Depends on your comments <3, Dizziness, Insomnia, Nausea, Nervousness, Psychosis, Side Effects, Vision Problems, changlix, everyone is sick, maybe? - Freeform, minsung - Freeform, weight loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 13:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 34
Words: 50,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19477078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emybulby/pseuds/Emybulby
Summary: “I’m not the only one who feels weird, right?” Chan asked.Everyone either nodded or looked anxious at the reminder, answering his question instantly.“What symptoms are you experiencing exactly?”orThey all wake up one day with unusual symptoms. At first, they don't give it too much attention, but their conditions quickly worsen and they realize that it might be way more concerning than they originally thought.





	1. Uneasiness

Chan opened his eyes and sighed as he looked at the clock on his bedside table. 7:59 am. He had to get up now if he wanted to be ready in time for his first class.

It had been another awful sleepless night. He had tried to tire himself out before bedtime, he had even drunk tisane and took a bath to relax, but nothing worked. There wasn’t much he could do against it right now anyway. He would have to try something else later that day. Maybe he would be able to take a nap after his class.

He got up from his bed and opened the curtains covering his windows. The brightness of the sun made him flinch slightly. He rubbed his eyes and face in exasperation. It would be a hard day…

He went to the bathroom next. He did his normal routine, but splashed his face with cold water before exiting, hoping that it could wash away the exhaustion from his features at least.

Of course, this didn’t work either.

He looked terrible. The dark circles under his eyes had reached a whole new level of darkness. Awesome.

He was startled by a knock on the bathroom’s door.

“Hyung? Breakfast is ready,” Seungmin informed him.

He opened the door right away.

“Great! What did you prepare today?” Chan asked cheerfully.

He didn’t want to worry his friends with his sleeping problems. He could handle it on his own.

“Eggs, like yesterday.”

“And the day before,” Hyunjin added. “Can’t you do pancakes tomorrow instead? It’s not like it’s much more trouble for you anyway. It just makes more dishes to wash after, but that’s on Changbin.”

“Hey!” Changbin shouted angrily from the dining room.

Seungmin, Hyunjin and Chan smiled at that. They liked to tease each other.

“My turn to use the bathroom!” Jisung announced suddenly as he passed in-between Chan and Hyunjin, quickly getting in and closing the door behind him.

“No, Jisung! Damn you! I was next!” Hyunjin complained, banging on the door.

Chan and Seungmin only tapped his shoulder supportively before they left to go to the dining room. Minho and Woojin were already there.

“Jeongin won’t get up,” Seungmin informed Woojin.

“Did you try everything?”

“I even jumped on the bed and tickled him, but he still wouldn’t get up.”

“Alright, I’ll take care of it,” Woojin stated with an evil smile.

Woojin was usually pretty patient and calm, but when one of them was too hard to wake up, he quickly took drastic measures to get them out of bed. Chan had seen it a couple of times, even if he hadn’t experienced it himself luckily. It looked particularly unpleasant every time. He pitied Jeongin a bit for what was coming, but he did deserve it for sleeping late, so Chan settled beside Minho who was silently sipping his coffee.

Chan started filling his plate with eggs and toasts when he suddenly heard Jeongin scream and run out of his room, drenched in water, Woojin following him with a satisfied grin. Minho jumped at the loud commotion, spilling his coffee everywhere on the table. Still, he remained shocked and unmoving for a long moment, as if expecting something else to startle him. During these long seconds, he looked abnormally terrified and on edge.

“Minho?” Chan finally asked, concerned.

Minho strangely winced at the sound of his name.

“Jisung! Open the door! Woojin poured water all over me!” Jeongin shouted with a complaining tone.

Minho flinched again at every loud bagging of Jeongin’s fists on the bathroom’s door. Then, he was standing up and quickly wiping the mess on the table. Chan was about to ask if he was ok, but was interrupted.

“I’m leaving first,” he announced.

He was gone so fast that Chan couldn’t say or ask anything else. Chan turned to Changbin. He hadn’t reacted much in these few minutes. Actually, now that Chan had a good look at him, there was something off about him. He was picking at his food, looking disgusted.

“Are the eggs ok?” Chan inquired.

“Y-yeah… I’m just not hungry,” Changbin dismissed him.

“Are you sure? Maybe you are sick…” Jisung asked, joining them.

Changbin pushed his plate toward Jisung, wordlessly giving it to him as the other boy sat beside him.

“Maybe… I’ll get back to bed, I think. Can I copy your notes for today’s class later?” He asked Jisung.

“Yeah, sure. Get some rest, hyung.”

Changbin smiled quickly at him before he went back to his room. Chan frowned. Something didn’t feel right, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was exactly. It was all around them, giving him an uneasy sensation.

“Where’s Felix?” Chan asked, realizing that the young Aussie was missing.

“Already gone,” Seungmin answered.

“Did he eat breakfast at least?”

“He took a peanut butter sandwich with him,” Wooojin answered, taking place at the table.

Well, that was better than nothing, but it didn’t reassure Chan much. What if he was sick too? Maybe Chan was just being too worried for nothing too. Insomnia made him more anxious sometimes.

“Damn, what’s his problem?” Jeongin complained, also taking place at the table.

“Who?” Seungmin asked.

“Hyunjin… He looked really angry before he went in the bathroom.”

“Maybe because two people passed in front of him. I would be angry too,” Jisung commented, eating the content of his plate hungrily.

“And whose fault is that?” Seungmin countered.

Jisung stuck out his tongue at him in answer. Chan smiled at the immature exchange and looked at the time on his phone. He had to hurry now, otherwise he would be late to his first class of the day. He ate as quickly as possible and got ready in record time before leaving the dorm. The others had classes later that morning.

Outside, the weather looked somewhat precarious, as if there was a storm coming, but the sky was still pretty clear.

How weird…

-

After breakfast, Woojin let Jisung and Hyunjin take care of cleaning things up while he got prepared for his class.

After putting his clothes on, he reached for his books on his desk, but stopped and frowned, confused by the sudden blurriness. He blinked a few times, but it didn’t seem to help. After a few seconds, he rubbed his eyes, bothered by the unexpected change in his eyesight.

He looked around, now concerned by the lack of improvement. He was about to head out of his room, but his vision finally got back to normal.

Where did that come from? Well, at least it had passed, so he guessed it wasn’t as concerning as he had thought for a moment. Maybe his eyes were dry. He would stop by the drug store on his way back after class and buy eye drops. That would probably help.

-

Minho flinched again as someone closed their locker while he was passing by them. It was like every loud sound had the same effect on him as a balloon exploding near him. It was annoying, distressing, keeping him on edge…

He hated it, yet there wasn’t much he could do. He didn’t even know why he was as nervous as this.

This was too unusual…

He finally got to his classroom and sat in the back. At least, there he would probably be ok. He sighed deeply as he leaned on his desk. He could relax now.

People started filling the classroom soon after. Their loud chatter brought back the anxiousness he was trying to suppress.

The day would be long if things remained like this…

-

Changbin turned around in his bed. He felt nauseous, uncomfortable. He just wanted to fall back asleep and stop feeling sick. Yet, his growing discomfort and exhaustion were not enough to give him the rest he needed.

He let out a low whine as a wave of nausea washed over him once more.

This wasn’t good. Not at all. Yet, he didn’t want to move from his bed. Standing up looked like an even worse idea. He would throw up for sure.

What an awful day…

-

“Oh, this one is still a bit dirty,” Jisung told Hyunjin, handing him back the plate he was about to wipe dry.

Hyunjin felt instantly annoyed when he saw the plate. There was just a tiny piece of peppercorn left on the side. He passed it under the water and gave it back to Jisung with an annoyed expression.

“What’s your problem today? Are you still mad because of the bathroom thing?”

“No.”

Jisung sighed loudly, deciding on apologizing instead of feeding Hyunjin’s irritation.

“Ok, I’m sorry. I won’t ever do that again. Stop being this moody now, ok?” Jisung asked.

“I said it’s not that. Stop bothering me.”

Jisung frowned, annoyed by this answer. He had just apologized to clear things up between them, but Hyunjin was just not in the mood today. He wanted to be left alone.

“Then, what is it?” Jisung asked drily, unable to just let him be. “You’re just being a jerk today?”

“Shut up.”

“Are you for real? I thought we were past useless fights.”

“Just leave me alone!” Hyunjin screamed angrily, making Jisung step back, visibly startled by his sudden outburst.

They stayed silent and unmoving for a few seconds before Hyunjin finally stormed out of the kitchen and went back to his room.

Hyunjin was worried now. He hadn’t been this angry in so long. Yes, he was the one who fought the most with everyone, but he never felt so easily irritated.

Maybe he needed some more sleep?

-

Jisung finished putting away the clean dishes as he mumbled complaints about Hyunjin. What was wrong with him? Why was he so angry for?

Jisung sighed in surrender, knowing that thinking too much about it was useless anyway. Hyunjin probably just needed some time alone.

When everything was done, Jisung took his bag, put on his shoes and left the dorm. As he walked out of the elevator, a wave of dizziness suddenly hit him. He wavered on his feet, and instinctively leaned on the closest wall. He barely stayed upright as the world seemed to spin around him for a few long seconds.

Then everything went back to normal, as if nothing had happened.

Jisung shook his head and looked around, making sure that everything was really normal again. Maybe he should’ve eaten a bit more?

Anyway, everything was fine now, so he continued his way.

-

Felix had woken up with the strange feeling of being watched. It had made him unusually anxious and he had decided to leave the dorm early, thinking that it would help.

But, of course, it didn’t…

He sped up through the hallways of the university, heading to his first class, feeling even more observed now that he was in a public place surrounded by people.

Why was he feeling this way? Why was it bothering him so much? It scared him…

Yet, it didn’t seem like anyone was truly following him.

-

Seungmin fidgeted with his pencil the whole class. He couldn’t stop, he was too anxious and he needed to exteriorize it in some way.

“What are you so stressed for? Do we have an exam I forgot about?” Jeongin asked as they exited the classroom.

“No, it’s not that…”

“Then what?”

“I don’t know,” Seungmin started, and then every little thing that could be the cause came to his mind. “It’s just… Everything, I guess. The others didn’t look to be feeling too well this morning. I also have a few homework to do tonight and I still didn’t receive my grade for the last exam. I’m starting to get low on money, so I should probably revise my budget…”

“Wow… Calm down a bit. Why are so worried about all that? You’re usually pretty relaxed and you do just fine. You even said that you did well for the exam.”

“I know… I still feel anxious.”

“Take a long bath when you get home, maybe it’ll help you feel better.”

Seungmin smiled at Jeongin and nodded slightly. Yeah, maybe he just needed some relaxation time.

-

While Jeongin was walking back to the dorm with Seungmin, he pulled up his pants as they got too low on his hips. It had been a few times already that day and it was annoying him. He usually didn’t need a belt with these pants. Had he lost weight? With the amount of food he ate lately, it was really unlikely. But now that he thought about it, his shirt did feel too big as well. He was already so skinny, he couldn’t afford to lose weight.

When they finally arrived to the dorm, the whole place was filled with the mouth-watering smell of food cooking. Woojin was cooking something and it smelled delicious. Jeongin excitedly joined him in the kitchen.

“Looks yummy!” Jeongin commented, quickly taking a piece of uncooked vegetable on the cutting board.

Woojin looked unsurprised by his presence in the kitchen even if he had just gotten back to the dorm.

“There. Taste this,” Woojin took a piece of cooked beef from one of the plates with his chopsticks and held it out to Jeongin who hungrily ate it.

Woojin smiled at Jeongin’s happy expression as he chewed on the food.

“Me too!” Seungmin requested cheerfully.

“It’ll be ready soon. Go wait with the others,” Woojin told him gently, and Seungmin did so with a pout.

Jeongin was about to follow him, but Woojin stopped him.

“Hey, are you eating enough lately?”

“I’m eating like usual, why?”

“I’m just concerned. You look like you could eat a bit more,” Woojin smiled softly.

He was such a mom, but Jeongin liked that there was someone like him amongst their friends. They all cared about each other, but Woojin was definitely more attentive to their needs and general well-being, and he had a really comforting side to him.

“I’ll make sure to fill my stomach tonight!” Jeongin reassured him before heading to the dining room.

So, it wasn’t only him. He had certainly lost weight.

But how?


	2. Concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> So, things are quickly getting angstier and angstier ^.^
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter <3
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!
> 
> Thanks!!

Woojin knocked on Changbin’s door and entered when he heard him mumble that he could come in.

“How are you feeling? Do you want to come eat with everyone?”

Changbin was covered in his blanket and looked terrible. Woojin really didn’t like to see him like this. Changbin was usually the though one amongst their friends, but right now he looked weak and hurting.

“No…” came Changbin’s low answer.

Looking at his friend in such a worrisome state, Woojin couldn’t just leave him alone. He got out and went around the house to get some things for him. When he came back, he had soup, a glass of water, a variety of pills, a bucket and a thermometer. Better to be prepared for everything.

“Can you sit up for me?” Woojin requested softly.

Changbin looked at him, clearly about to decline, but then saw all that he had brought him and groaned as he sat up slowly. He looked really unwell, his skin was a sickly tint of green and he looked exhausted, even if he had spent the whole day in bed. Woojin held out the thermometer to him, motioning for him to open his mouth, and Changbin did just that, allowing Woojin to put it in his mouth.

“I brought soup, water and medication. What exactly is it that you feel? I’ll give you what’s best for it…”

The thermometer beeped and Woojin removed it from Changbin’s mouth.

“Nausea,” Changbin answered while Woojin looked at the number on the thermometer. He had no fever, so at least there was that.

“Alright, take these then,” Woojin said, taking two specific pills and giving them to him.

“Thanks, hyung.”

“Try to eat and drink a bit, alright?”

Changbin nodded.

“Get some more rest,” Woojin told him, putting the blanket back over Changbin as he lied back down.

Changbin nodded again slightly. Woojin then stood up and left his room, still worried, but unable to do much more for now. Outside, Chan was waiting for news, looking as concerned.

“How is he?”

“He’s still not feeling well. He has nausea, but at least he has no fever.”

“Should we bring him to the doctor?”

“Let’s wait until tomorrow. Maybe it’s just something he didn’t digest well.”

Chan agreed wordlessly and they went back to the dining room where the others were filling their plates already.

“Shouldn’t you wait for your hyungs?” Chan reprimanded them in a teasing tone. “Wait, where’s Felix?”

“He went straight to his room. Didn’t say a thing,” Jeongin answered right away.

“Is he sick too?”

“Didn’t look like it.”

Chan stood up again and went to Felix’s room. He knocked on it, but got no answer, so he walked in quietly. The curtains covered the windows, preventing the sunlight from entering, so the room was really dark. At least the light from the hallway made it easier for Chan to see.

Why was Felix staying in the dark like this? Was he having a migraine or something like that?

Chan looked around, concerned. Felix wasn’t in his bed. He was sitting on the ground in the corner of the room. Chan approached him, concerned.

“Felix? Why are you sitting there? Aren’t you gonna eat dinner with us?”

Felix looked at him for a long tense moment before he finally shook his head.

“I’m not hungry…” He mumbled.

“Ok… Are you sick too?” Chan asked.

“No… Who’s sick?”

“Changbin.”

“Oh…”

Felix didn’t seem completely there. Something was wrong with him, obviously, so Chan walked up to him and sat beside him.

“What’s going on?”

“What? I just… I just want to be alone. That’s all.”

“Did something happen at school?”

Chan was growing more and more worried. There was definitely something going on, but if Felix didn’t tell him he wouldn’t be able to help him.

“No. Everything’s fine,” Felix answered, but he kept averting his gaze.

“Felix… You know you can tell me everything, right?”

Felix looked taken aback by Chan’s words and it was hard to see the younger boy like this, looking tense and cautious around him. They were like brothers. Well, maybe they got along a little too well for that. They were just really close and cared for each other. So, Chan, who was like the big brother between them, wanted to make sure that Felix knew he could count on him no matter what.

“Y-yeah. Now leave, please,” Felix pleaded.

Chan looked at him for a long moment. Was it really the best idea to leave him like this? He didn’t look ok at all. This situation was so unnerving!

Maybe he was hiding something? No, he was definitely hiding something, but Chan couldn’t force the answer out of him. If he gave Felix some time and space, maybe he would open up.

“Alright,” Chan sighed. “I’ll bring you a plate later. Get some rest for now, ok?”

Felix nodded hastily, and Chan left, closing the door behind him. Things kept getting weirder it seemed. He got back to the dining room. Jisung, Jeongin and Woojin were having an energetic conversation.

In their excitement, Woojin extended an arm to grab the plate of steak, but he knocked down the pot of water and it spilled everywhere, making everyone become silent at once.

Woojin just kept staring at it, as if lost in thoughts, for a long moment as the others moved to wipe the water and move things away from it.

“Woojin!? What are you doing? Help us,” Hyunjin complained angrily, noticing that he hadn’t reacted yet contrarily to the others.

“I-I…” He looked around the table and seemed confused before he rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times. “I’m sorry.”

He was suddenly back to reality, wiping off the spilled water with the others, but Chan had noticed his strange reaction. Something was really off about them all. With this thought, he looked at the others. Seungmin was frantically helping Woojin, Hyunjin was mumbling under his breath as he pushed things away from the spilled water, Jisung was also putting things away, Jeongin kept eating, seeing as he couldn’t help them more than what they were already doing, and Minho… Minho was frozen in fear, looking at the spilled water as if it would suddenly jump on him.

“Minho? Are you ok?” Chan asked, concerned by his reaction.

Minho was startled by the sound of his name being called.

“Y-yeah, I’m just a bit nervous today,” he answered and then got back to eating his plate, avoiding Chan’s gaze.

Chan observed him for a moment and noticed him flinching slightly every time anyone made even a slightly louder sound.

He became more and more used to it, it seemed, so Chan pushed his worries aside for the moment.

Maybe today was just a bad day for them all.

—

Steam curled around Jisung as he turned the shower off. He sighed in satisfaction as he passed his hands through his wet hair to smooth them back. He then reached out to grab his towel. He passed it quickly over his naked body to absorb the excess water that still pearled on his skin. Then, he put it around his hips and pushed the curtain away to exit the shower. Just as he stepped over the ledge of the bath, it struck him again, the same sudden wave of dizziness as earlier. He held out his hand, trying to hold onto something, but this time he wasn’t able to get support on anything quickly enough and ended up falling hard on his side.

He yelped as he hit the ground, pain arising on his left arm and ribs, which had taken the brunt of the fall. He turned on his back, wincing. The world was still spinning around him.

He wanted to call out to someone, but he had locked the door and didn’t think it was bad enough to worry the others. Chan would probably smash down the damn door, so Jisung didn’t want to risk it if it wasn’t serious.

And just as he had thought, the spinning sensation faded after a few long seconds. He sat up slowly when he felt comfortable enough, moving to lean against the closest wall for a bit.

He was annoyed now. His shower had been so relaxing, but now he was hurt. He looked at his ribs. A large bruise was slowly forming on them. It probably wouldn’t be too bad, but it only proved that the fall had been an unpleasant one.

Maybe he should tell someone? He had eaten and slept well, so it wasn’t caused by that.

Oh well, maybe tomorrow would be better and the dizziness would simply go away.

He really hoped so…

—

Chan sat up in his bed and got out of his room. It had been a few hours since everyone had gone to bed, but he still couldn’t sleep. He had insomnia again… He had tried everything to induce sleep, but it all had been for nothing. He kept turning around in his bed. It was useless keeping this up any longer, so he decided to at least try to make these sleepless hours productive.

As he walked toward the living room, he noticed the flashes of light and low sound of the TV playing.

“Why are you not sleeping?” Chan asked Seungmin as he arrived in the living room and recognized the younger member.

Seungmin jumped at Chan’s unexpected voice.

“Hyung! Don’t scare me like that!” He exclaimed as quietly as possible not to wake up the others.

“Sorry,” Chan replied, smiling apologetically at him. “What are you doing up?”

“Studying,” Seungmin answered and Chan just then noticed the books and notebooks scattered in front of him.

“Why? Is there an important exam coming soon?”

Chan was confused. It wasn’t Seungmin’s style to prepare for an exam or classes this way. He was usually pretty laid-back in almost any situation in which others could become easily anxious. He was so organized and studious, that he didn't need late-night studying.

“No… I’m just revising.”

Chan frowned. That was definitely weird.

“What about you?” Seungmin asked back.

“Insomnia,” Chan answered simply, walking up to Seungmin and sitting beside him. “I’ve had trouble sleeping for a while now.”

“Have you tried…”

“I’ve tried everything,” Chan sighed, cutting him short. “Nothing works.”

“You should go see a doctor,” Seungmin advised.

“Well it’s not much of a problem so far, except that I’m always a bit more tired than normal.”

“Still…”

“Don’t worry about me, Seungmin. I can handle a bit of insomnia.” Chan smiled at him reassuringly, but the younger boy still seemed concerned. “Well, I’ll join you on studying since I have nothing else to do to tire me out.”

Chan prepared his stuff and started studying, but was soon distracted by Seungmin’s constant fidgeting. Yes, he knew that Seungmin could be a really energic person, but he had never seen him fidget this much, especially while studying. It was honestly a bit annoying, because Chan really had trouble concentrating on his own work and studies.

He was certainly not the only one who needed to see a doctor.

Seungmin’s clear anxiety was even stressing him out.

—

“Can you go wake up Jeongin? I’m too busy in the kitchen right now,” Woojin asked Hyunjin who was just waiting at the dinner table.

Hyunjin mumbled a complaint, but still went. Why was Jeongin so hard to wake up. They weren’t his parents, they were his friends, they shouldn’t have to do this. Hyunjin knocked on Jeongin’s door and entered almost right away, only to be surprised by Jeongin’s topless and startled form in the middle of the room.

“Hyunjin hyung! Get out!” Jeongin screamed.

Hyunjin frowned, feeling irritation rise quickly inside him.

“You should’ve told us you were up! Why can’t you just wake up right away like everybody else?” Hyunjin retorted angrily. “And have you seen yourself? Do you even eat these days? You’re becoming too skinny!”

Jeongin walked up to Hyunjin, anger clear in his eyes, and pushed him out of his room.

“Get out, I said!” He yelled back sharply before slamming the door close in Hyunjin’s face. “I hate you!” Jeongin added right after.

Hyunjin felt instantly hurt, but the intense emotions inside him quickly turned into wrath. It was so overwhelming… He needed to exteriorize it. He couldn’t hold it in. He had to… A roar escaped his throat and he punched the wall beside Jeongin’s door.

“Whatever! I don’t care!” He yelled before turning to leave.

Jisung, Minho, Chan and Seungmin were looking at him worriedly, but also warily, as if he would attack them out of nowhere if they dared say or do something. Minho looked even more terrified of him. Damn it… What had he done?

He quickly made his way out, taking his bag and heading to the university.

He just needed some fresh air to cool down a bit.

Yeah, just that…

—

“What the…” Jisung started, looking at the wall beside Jeongin’s door. Hyunjin’s punch had made a bump in it.

Jeongin opened the door now that Hyunjin had left. He looked concerned, but also apologetic.

“I shouldn’t have angered him…” Jeongin started.

“It’s not your fault, Jeongin-ie. He’s just on edge lately,” Chan comforted him right away. “Come eat breakfast, ok? We’ll deal with that later.”

Jeongin smiled slightly and nodded before following Chan to the dinning room. Woojin asked them about what had happened and served them generous plates of food.

“Changbin’s still not feeling well again,” Woojin informed them with a sigh. “Felix won’t come out of his room. He locked his door and told me to leave him alone when I went to wake him up.”

At Woojin’s words, Chan’s eyes went to Minho, because he was the third most clearly unwell of their friends. He still looked shocked by what had happened with Hyunjin. He was also really fidgety and, when he took his cup of coffee, Chan noticed that he was also trembling. He looked to the others, trying to see if there was any other sign of the others showing concerning behaviours.

Seungmin was still visibly anxious. Jeongin kept eating, but Chan could see that Hyunjin had been right about him losing weight. Woojin seemed fine now, but Chan reminded himself of what had happened the night before. It really felt like there was something wrong with them.

Only Jisung and him seemed relatively normal. Well, except for his own insomnia, but it wasn’t as unsettling as the others’ “symptoms.”

What was going on with their friends? Should they start worrying for real? It was only the second day. Maybe if he waited a bit longer, things would just get back to normal…

Chan passed his hands over his face, feeling exhaustion weighing down on him. 

He was probably overthinking things. He even hoped it was just that now...


	3. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Things are getting worse for some, while others' conditions have yet to show their real dangers. I hope you'll like this chapter! Also added some slight Changlix and Minsung, but I don't know if I'll develop more on their relationships (that really depends on your comments) <3
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT ^.^
> 
> Thanks!!

Felix sneaked out of his room, covered by a blanket, as if this could help protect from whatever menace loomed over him. Everyone had left about an hour ago. He made his way silently to Changbin’s room. He was the only one that was still in their dorm. The paranoia inside him kept growing in intensity by the hour, so he didn’t like getting out of his room, as he felt the safest there, but he needed to know that Changbin was doing ok despite being sick.

Felix was worried about his own safety, but Changbin’s health was a more concerning matter to him. He cared for him a lot…

He knocked lightly on the door and then peeked inside.

“Binnie?” He called softly.

“Hmm? Felix, is that you?” Changbin mumbled.

It sounded as if it was hard to talk. What was going on with him? Chan had said that he was sick, but he looked worse than what Felix had expected. He shuffled inside the room, closed the door quietly behind him and then kneeled beside Changbin’s bed, at the level of his face. There Changbin looked at him and the both of them smiled softly at each other.

“You look terrible,” Felix whispered after a few seconds.

Changbin let out a little scoff that seemed to make him feel worse for an instant.

“I know… I feel that way too.”

“You should go to the doctor.”

“Maybe…” Changbin closed his eyes for a long moment, as if concentrating on containing his nausea. “Why are you still here? Are you sick too?”

Felix simply shook his head. “I’m… not feeling good, but I’m not sick.”

“Well, that’s reassuring,” Changbin commented sarcastically.

“Can… Can I stay with you today? I’d like to keep you company.”

“Of course… Oh, but I don’t know if what I have is contagious or not.”

“If it was, you wouldn’t be the only sick one in the dorm,” Felix countered before standing up and taking place on the bed beside Changbin who shuffled a bit back to allow him some space.

The two of them smiled at each other one last time as they snuggled deeper in their blankets and pillows, and then closed their eyes. They fell asleep quietly, despite their troubled body and mind. Only listening to the other’s rhythmic breathing, as if it was a sweet lullaby.

—

Minho bumped into Jisung’s shoulder as a car honked just as they were passing by it. He had his eyes closed tightly and was visibly trembling. Jisung knew then that he had to get him to a quiet place, help him calm down, so he gently took him by the shoulders and led him away to an isolated corner of the campus where barely anyone passed by.

“Hey, Minho? You’re ok, you’re safe,” Jisung tried to comfort him, seeing as the other boy was still deeply affected by the honking car.

After a few seconds, Minho turned to face Jisung, clutching his hands in his shirt. Jisung was troubled by his reaction. He had noticed his abnormal nervousness, but it was becoming really concerning now. It was as if Minho was on the verge of a panic attack. He was breathing heavily and trembling like a leaf in a storm.

“I can’t do this anymore…” Minho admitted softly, lifting pleading eyes to Jisung.

Jisung felt a pang in his chest at the sight. Minho had always been nervous and fearful of loud sounds, but never to this extent. In general, between the two of them, Jisung was the scaredy-cat and Minho was the tough one, not that he would ever admit it to him.

Jisung instinctively hugged him, as if it would help him protect Minho against whatever could scare him in this loud busy world.

“Let’s go back home for today, ok?” Jisung offered, unsure of what else he could do for him.

Minho didn’t answer, still holding onto Jisung’s shirt and clearly unwilling to leave his comforting embrace. Jisung softly pulled him away, knowing that they wouldn’t be able to get back to the dorm if they stayed like this.

“Hold onto my hand, ok? We’ll take the long way back, this way we'll avoid the main streets, so it’ll be quieter,” Jisung offered.

Minho nodded slightly, took a deep breath, and then let go of Jisung’s shirt to grab his extended hand tightly. Jisung smiled softly at him and they both started walking slowly, trying to keep the general mood around them serene and comfortable. Minho slowly relaxed beside Jisung as they passed through the calm isolated streets to get back to the dorm.

Jisung’s hold on Minho’s hand tightened a tiny bit as a small wave of worry washed over him, thinking about Minho’s debilitating nervousness.

It was strange to see him this way, but whatever was going on with Minho, he could count on Jisung and the other way around, even if it didn’t look like this at the moment. They would always be there for each other, no matter what, because they truly cared for one another.

Their other friends felt the same, he knew it. For that reason, he knew that the best way to help Minho would be to tell them about what he had witnessed.

Hopefully, they would know a remedy to whatever was wrong with him.

—

“Hyunjin!” Seungmin called as soon as he noticed him on the campus, surely on his way back to the dorm.

Jeongin became tensed beside him, and Seungmin turned sorry eyes toward him, just realizing what he had done. Hyunjin stopped walking and looked at them, but when his gaze met Jeongin’s he looked away with what seemed like a remorseful expression.

Hyunjin hesitated between continuing his way or waiting for them, but, in the end, he stayed there and let them join him.

“How was your class?” Seungmin asked, trying to break the tension between them all.

“Oh, hum… Long and boring?” He laughed uncomfortably, passing a hand behind his neck, not daring to meet Jeongin’s gaze yet. “What about yours?”

“Same,” Seungmin complained and started to lead the way toward their dorm, Jeongin following him right away. “I wonder what will be in the next exam. At this rate we won’t be done with what’s on the course outline in time…”

Seungmin’s rant was cut short when Hyunjin quickly shouted:

“Jeongin! I-I’m sorry for this morning!”

The two younger boys turned to look at Hyunjin, surprised by his sudden exclamation.

“I don’t know what’s going on with me, but since yesterday I’ve been feeling super irritated for some reason and… and I didn’t mean what I screamed at you this morning.”

“It’s ok, hyung. You must be stressed or something,” Jeongin forgave him easily, smiling at him softly.

Hyunjin seemed to become instantly less tense, but a bit of worry remained clear on his features.

 _What if it isn’t stress?_ Hyunjin thought.

“Come on, now that that’s settled, let’s go back to the dorm!” Seungmin called happily, and then continued to ramble about all the possible things that could be stressing him out at the moment or in the future.

Hyunjin was really glad that Jeongin was acting normal around him despite their fight in the morning.

But he was also really concerned about his own short temper, remembering how he had damaged the wall beside Jeongin’s door earlier.

What if he ended up punching someone instead of a wall?

He couldn’t risk it, he had to seek help.

—

“…an? Chan!” Chan was startled by his name being called by Woojin.

“Y-yeah?”

“You didn’t sleep again last night?”

Chan was taken aback by Woojin’s question for a moment, but he quickly remembered that he knew of his insomnia. Woojin was particularly observant. So, he shook his head.

“Ok,” Woojin looked pensive for a moment before he continued talking. “I was thinking of going to the doctor tomorrow with Changbin if his condition doesn’t get better. You’ll come too. You might need something only a doctor can prescribe for your insomnia.”

“Alright… I won’t refuse, it’s becoming pretty annoying honestly.”

“I guess.”

They fell into a comfortable silence as they walked back to the dorm. The day had been long, especially with how distracted the both of them had been. They were worried about their friends, but also hindered by their own problems. Woojin’s vision problems weren’t constant or always debilitating, but he could notice the frequency of little moments of blurriness increasing. The eye drops he had bought the day before didn’t seem to help at all.

“You also have problems with your eyes, right? I’ve seen you using eye drops a lot in the past two days…” Chan pointed out, as if reading Woojin’s mind.

“Yeah. I don’t think it’s anything serious though.”

“Do your eyes hurt?”

“No, it’s just some blurriness sometimes.”

Chan and him became lost in their own thoughts for a long moment, both of them thinking about their friends and how everyone seemed to have some health issue at the same time. Was it all correlated? Was it just some coincidence?

But there was one person that didn’t seem to have any problem.

“Have you noticed anything strange with Jisung lately?” Chan asked then.

“Jisung? No, why?” Woojin frowned thinking of something, but nothing came to his mind.

“But you’ve also noticed the other’s strange behaviours?”

Woojin nodded. “Except Jisung. Do you think he might have something too?”

“I don’t know… I’m just worried.”

“Me too.”

“I think we need to have a talk with everyone.”

Woojin agreed wordlessly. As the hyungs of their group, they would figure out how to solve this and help them all back to health.

That was a promise they silently made to themselves.


	4. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> In this chapter, things start to get real! Get ready for the real angst!!! :)
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! <3
> 
> Thanks!!

When Chan arrived home, he went right to Changbin’s room to see if he was feeling better. He knocked on the door, but Changbin didn’t answer, so he opened the door quietly.

A soft smile appeared on his lips when he saw Changbin and Felix sleeping together peacefully. He just couldn’t disturb their rest. They both needed it. So, he decided to let them sleep for now.

Jisung got out of his own room almost exactly when Chan closed Changbin’s door. He looked anxious.

“Hey, Chan. Can you tell the others to try to keep it down tonight?” He whispered to him.

“Yeah, sure… What’s going on?”

Chan was worried now. What if Jisung was about to tell him that something was wrong with him too? It would be like a confirmation of his doubts.

“Minho’s not feeling well. He’s nervous, and loud sounds scare him.”

Chan frowned at Jisung’s explanation. He had noticed Minho’s weird reactions lately, but now it seemed even more concerning.

“Is he going to be ok? Does he need anything?”

“I think he just needs to relax a bit. I’m gonna stay by his side tonight just to make sure he’s ok.”

“Alright… Take good care of him. Oh and, tomorrow, we’ll have a dorm meeting, ok?” Chan informed Jisung.

Jisung made a thumb's up and smiled lightly before he went back to his room, where Minho was probably resting at the moment.

When the door closed, Chan realized that he had forgotten to ask if he was feeling weird too, but concluded that it could probably wait until the next day. Hopefully, they could all get some sleep, and maybe it would help them all feel better.

He went back to the kitchen where Woojin was starting to prepare dinner. He quickly informed him of their conditions.

Soon after, Seungmin, Jeongin and Hyunjin arrived at the dorm.

“I’m hungry!” Jeongin exclaimed, running to the kitchen to get a bite before anyone else.

Woojin held out a plate of freshly cut cheeses to him and Jeongin gladly took the biggest piece. Chan felt a strange uneasiness when he saw Jeongin’s bony fingers peek out of his hoodie. Why was he even wearing a hoodie? It was so hot today…

“Jeongin, can you come with me for a moment?” Chan asked softly.

“Sure!”

“Oh, guys, keep it down tonight, ok? Changbin, Felix and Minho are not feeling well, so they are resting,” Woojin told Seungmin and Jeongin before the latter was led to Chan’s room.

“Are they going to be ok?” Jeongin asked Chan, concerned.

It took a few seconds to answer, because he was becoming more and more worried for them all, but the image of Felix and Changbin sleeping together and knowing that Jisung was taking care of Minho reassured him.

“Yes, they’ll be. We’ll make sure of it.”

Chan wasn’t sure if it was right to say this, he didn’t know what was really going on with their friends, but he would do anything in his power to help them, no matter what.

“Alright… When was the last time you weighed yourself?” Chan asked him as soon as they were inside his room, closing the door behind Jeongin after he entered too.

“I don’t know,” Jeongin answered, lowering the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands, as if to cover himself even more. He looked suddenly uncomfortable.

“Do you remember what was your weight?”

“Hum… Maybe 115 pounds.”

Chan nodded. It only confirmed that Jeongin was already skinny enough before, but now he might be underweight. He took out his scale and placed it in the middle of the room.

“Take off your hoodie and pants. We’ll weigh you now, ok?”

Jeongin nodded hesitantly before doing as he was asked. Chan felt even more worried as soon as Jeongin took off his hoodie. The shirt he had on underneath looked way oversized, but even if it didn’t fit tight on his body, Chan could clearly see his bony form underneath. Jeongin looked anxious and embarrassed, so Chan looked away. After a moment, Jeongin finally stepped on the scale.

“Wha…” Jeongin started, looking taken aback by the number on the scale. “103 pounds? T-that can’t be… I ate so much!”

Jeongin lifted confused eyes to Chan who picked up the hoodie from the ground and gave it back to him with a comforting smile.

“Hey, don’t worry. We’ll find out what’s going on. But… Do you mind going to the doctor with me tomorrow?”

Jeongin looked tense for a moment, but finally nodded before putting back on his pants and hoodie. He was about to head back to the living room, but Chan knew that it was not a good idea to let him leave just yet. He grabbed Jeongin’s wrist and opened up his arms, inviting him for a hug. Jeongin gladly took the invitation, burying himself in the comforting embrace.

For Jeongin to hug Chan so tightly, it meant that his condition was also stressing him out a lot.

“It’s going to be ok, Jeongin. We’ll find out what’s going on and we’ll help you get back to health,” Chan reassured him.

“Thanks, hyung,” Jeongin mumbled.

—

It was annoying… Too annoying. Hyunjin was quickly losing his temper. The sound of Seungmin’s pencil tapping on the table, his mumbled words, his incessantly moving limbs…

“Why can’t you just be still!?” Hyunjin exclaimed suddenly at Seungmin as they were both waiting for dinner to be ready.

Seungmin was startled by Hyunjin’s unexpected outburst. He looked at him with confusion.

“What?” Seungmin frowned.

“You’re so fidgety! It’s irritating!”

“Then leave? It’s not like I can help it!”

“You…”

Hyunjin’s tone and aura became suddenly dangerous. The building anger inside him was quickly becoming too much for him to contain. How dare Seungmin say that to him like it didn’t matter! Hyunjin clenched his fists on the side of his body.

“Hyunjin.” Woojin started, unhappy by his fit of temper. “The others are trying to rest.”

This warning only fuelled his anger even more. That was it! He had enough! His expression darkened as his brow furrowed even more and his gaze became abnormally hateful. He pushed his chair back and it fell loudly to the ground.

“That’s not my fucking problem.”

“Don’t say that. They are our friends. Be respectful.” Now Woojin was angry too.

“Yeah, right… Y’all are always super respectful to me anyway, uh?!” Hyunjin yelled before storming out of the dorm, slamming the door close behind him.

“What the…” Chan started when he arrived in the dining room with Jeongin. “What happened? Where is he going?”

Woojin sighed, feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything now. He put the food in the centre of the table and sat beside Seungmin who kept fidgeting beside him, clearly unable to contain the anxiety that ruled over his body and mind lately, and was probably worse after what had just happened with Hyunjin.

“Let’s just eat for now…” Woojin encouraged them, but there wasn’t much energy in his tone.

They were only 4 out of their group of 9. They felt like a broken family.

It wasn’t right…

—

Hyunjin walked out the dorm and spent hours outside, roaming around the university, trying to calm down. He had been rude to them, he was aware of that, but he didn’t understand how things had escalated this way. He was easily irritated these days, he had noticed, but making a scene like that was way too dramatic, even for him.

The worse in all this was that he was still angry and he couldn’t get rid of this annoying emotion it seemed.

He groaned as he passed his hands through his hair, thinking of Woojin and Seungmin. He had just cleared things up with Jeongin, and now he would have to do the same with them. Things wouldn’t be as simple this time though, he could feel it.

Ah, he really didn’t want to go back to the dorm tonight. Yet, what other choice did he have?

He looked at the hour on his phone, confirming that everyone was probably already asleep now, except maybe Chan and Woojin who might be waiting for him to come back. Just the thought irritated him. They better not still be awake when he came back, especially if they hadn’t even tried to contact him.

Hyunjin looked at his cellphone. No call, no text… Did they even care?

Well… He had to admit that he was the one that had stormed out in the first place. But, still, he would’ve liked to have some sign that he hadn’t messed up everything, that he had at least someone to come back to amongst their friends.

Was he too self-centred? Maybe… Especially when he could see that his friends were all struggling with their own problems.

Ah… It was better to come back to the dorm now. He was starting to get worried about them all, because, even if it annoyed him and he didn’t want to face any of them yet, they were still like brothers to him.

—

Changbin woke up and stormed out of his room in an instant, running to the bathroom. He barely made it to the toilet before he vomited hot burning liquid into it. He could only hear his loud beating heart and his retching, until he calmed down after a couple of long minutes. Then he felt a comforting hand rubbing circles on his back. He looked up to see that it was Jisung, but Chan and Woojin were here too, looking really concerned.

After a moment, he made out the others in the doorway as well.

“Breathe slowly... Do you want water?” Woojin asked.

Changbin shook his head. He didn’t want anything in his stomach at the moment, not even water.

“You should probably drink a bit though…”

Changbin let out an incomprehensible mumble in response. Even he wasn’t sure what he was trying to say. Everything was just so uncomfortable and painful. He just wanted to go back to sleep with Felix. Wait… Felix wasn’t there? He wasn’t with the others in the doorway either…

“Felix?” Changbin asked, looking at Chan as if he could understand his concern.

Chan turned to the others, expecting to see the younger Aussie in the doorway too.

“Where is he?” Chan asked, but then left the bathroom to look for him himself.

He went straight to Changbin’s room, but found it empty, so he looked into Felix’s room as well. Empty too…

“Felix?” He called, looking in the other rooms of their dorm.

He wasn’t there. Where the hell was he at 1 a.m.? Shit!

“I’ll go look for Felix. Bring Changbin to the hospital,” Woojin told Chan then, exiting the bathroom while holding Changbin up with Jisung’s help. “Seungmin, Jisung, come with me too. The others go with Chan.”

“Me too? I should help find Felix, no?” Minho asked.

“No, help Chan instead,” Jisung decided as they handed Changbin’s weak body over to Chan and Minho.

There were unsaid things between them all, but what Woojin and Jisung wanted for Minho was to keep him away from what could most likely worsen his nervousness. Looking for Felix, having to scream his name… It wasn’t a good idea for Minho to search for him with the others. On the other hand, once they were at the hospital, Changbin would be taken care of by doctors and everything would be fine, so that was the best option. Minho could even take this opportunity to see a doctor as well.

After that, they all got prepared quickly and left.

—

When Hyunjin finally got back to the dorm, everything was abnormally dark and silent. He felt a bit disappointed. No one was waiting for him…

He deserved it, he guessed, but it still hurt.

He quickly noticed that something wasn’t right though. The doors to everyone’s room, except his, was wide open. He looked inside the rooms, his concern rising as he saw them all empty. He walked back to the front door and just then noticed that everyone’s shoes were gone too.

Where were they? Why had they all left?

He quickly took his phone and dialed Chan’s number. He didn’t answer, so he called Changbin. This time, he heard his ringtone from his room. This made him feel even more anxious. He decided to call Felix instead. Again, the ringtone resounded from his room.

Damn it! What was going on?

One of them forgetting their phone was no oddity, but two of them… That was too unusual, especially with all of them gone at this hour in the night.

He cursed loudly and then dialled Jisung’s phone number. He was going to call them all if he had to.

“Hunjin! I’m so glad you called, buddy!” Jisung answered loudly.

Hyunjin couldn’t help the feeling of relief that filled his chest then. At least he got a hold of one of them, and he didn’t seem angry at him at all. Hopefully, nothing bad had happened to them either… But he doubted that highly.

“Where are you all? What’s going on?”

“Changbin was brought to the hospital by Chan, Jeongin and Minho. Woojin, Seungmin and I are looking for Felix. He’s missing.”

“Is Changbin ok? Can I help you guys find Felix?” Hyunjin asked right away.

“Changbin was throwing up and everyone was really concerned, so they decided to bring him to the hospital. We still don’t know where to look for Felix, so yeah, we’d like your help.”

“Ok! Where are you now? I’ll be right there!”

Jisung quickly told Hyunjin where to meet them and they hung up. Hyunjin felt more worried than irritated in that instant.

Why were things so messy lately? What the hell was really going on that was causing everything to fall apart amongst their group of friends?

—

Felix hugged his legs tighter as he rocked his body back and forth.

“They won’t find you. This is a good hideout, there isn’t anyone coming here, it’s silent, it’s safe, I’m safe…” Felix whispered frantically to himself. “Safe…”

 _They are coming. They’ll find you._ A deep voice said back to him. _Run!_

He put his hands over his ears, but it didn’t silence the voice telling him that he was in danger, that he needed to run as far away as possible. This couldn’t… It couldn’t be real, yet it felt like it was, and it was terrifying.

A last relatively clear thought crossed his mind, and then he felt completely disconnected from reality.

_Please, help me._


	5. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!!
> 
> I know this chapter is really small and I'm sorry! I keep thinking about what's coming in the next chapters! I'm so excited for what's coming (HEAVY ANGST!!!! <3)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll like it despite its shortness!
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!!
> 
> Thanks :)

“It’s been maybe… 3 days?” Chan informed the doctor, turning to look at Minho for confirmation, who nodded in approval.

“Well… We’ll have to carry some tests on all of you to make sure that there really is no relation between your symptoms, even if they are quite different. For the time being, we’ll keep Changbin and Jeongin under supervision, as they seem to be the most affected ones in your group of friends. Chan, I’ll also prescribe you some medication that will help you sleep. And, Minho, here’s for your nervousness,” the doctor told them, handing Chan and Minho their respective prescriptions.

Jeongin was already wearing a hospital gown and had an IV line inserted in his arm to prevent any possible nutrition deficiency. He had already had some blood taken for tests. They said that unusual weight loss could be related to many medical conditions, and since he didn’t seem to have any other symptom, it might take some time to figure out what was wrong. Changbin was in a similar situation, but he had been given a proper room, because he kept having heavy episodes of retching and vomiting whatever they tried to give him, whether it was a nutritional shake or simply water. It was bad… really.

The doctor in charge of their group and the nurses were doing their best to find out what was going on, but it was hard to know what to look for when their symptoms were all so distinct and when they didn’t have any other symptom individually that could help them determine the cause of all this.

“I would like to meet with your other friends as soon as possible,” the doctor added before they left. “Also, try to get some rest, ok? It’ll certainly do you all good.”

Chan nodded, thanked the doctor and left, Jeongin and Minho following soon after.

“Did they find Felix?” Jeongin asked, concerned, just as Chan was looking at his phone.

“No… They’re still searching.”

“Let’s help them?” Minho asked.

“I’ll go help them. You two stay here.”

“No, let me help too,” Minho requested, sounding decisive.

There was a long pause as Chan thought about it. Outside the rooms, it was a loud busy place, so it was normal for him to not be able to relax in such a place. They had seen Minho flinch already so many times since they had arrived, even if he clearly tried to hide it. But, once they were back in Changbin’s hospital room, it would be quieter and way less stressful for him to stay there.

“We can’t risk worsening your anxiety,” Chan answered.

“What about Seungmin? He’s helping, him!” Minho retorted, getting angry.

“Minho, I…”

A name was called over the intercom just over them and, just as Chan expected, Minho was startled by it and flinched violently at the sound, bending his body a bit closer to the ground and putting his arms over his head, as if someone was about to hit him. It was getting worse…

Chan and Jeongin instantly moved toward him to reassure him.

“J-Jisung?” They heard Minho ask quietly, looking around for a moment, before remembering that he wasn’t here with them.

Chan sighed. Some part of him really just wanted him to stay at the hospital for his own good, but seeing him looking for an absent Jisung, he realized that maybe Minho would be better with someone that truly made him feel safe. Jisung had helped him when his nervousness had started to become too much for him to handle and had stayed by his side the day and night before, which seemed to have had a positive impact on him seeing as he instinctively wanted to see him in this moment.

“Alright, let’s go. We’ll go help the others.”

He was tired of all this…

He was just so tired….

-

“No! Let me go!” Felix screamed as Woojin, Hyunjin and Jisung tried to keep him in place without hurting him.

He was trashing, kicking, screaming… It was hard to see him like this, to hold him down when he looked so deeply scared.

“The ambulance is here!” Seungmin informed them. He called to the paramedics from the rooftop, where they had found Felix.

“Felix, calm down, we’re only trying to help,” Woojin tried to convince him once more, but the younger boy remained unreachable, completely disconnected from reality.

He cursed at them, blamed them for hurting him, accused them of wanting to kill him.

He had really lost his mind.

It pained them so much to see him like this, to have to hold him down so he wouldn't run away or hurt them in his unstable state.

The paramedics finally arrived to the rooftop and quickly took care of restraining him and sedating him. They did their job, Woojin, Seungmin, Jisung and Hyunjin stepping aside to let them work. As soon as Felix started to calm down, they felt like they could breathe again.

“We’re going to bring him to the closest mental hospital, since he doesn’t seem to have any worrying injury,” one of the paramedics informed them as they placed Felix on a stretcher and strapped him on it.

“What’s wrong with him?” Hyunjin asked, concerned.

“We don’t know yet, a doctor will have to examine him to determine what’s going on with him. Don’t worry, he’s in good hands now.”

The paramedics made their way to the stairs right after, transporting Felix on the stretcher. Woojin, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Jisung followed them as they went down the stairs. Felix remained dazed. He was clearly still lost in his own reality, but at least he wasn’t panicking like earlier. He was barely responsive to the paramedics’ attempts to talk to him, to see if they could get some coherent answer out of him.

“One of you can come with us,” one of the paramedics informed them as they finally arrived down the stairs and put Felix in the ambulance.

Woojin offered himself and the others didn’t try to take his place. He was the most mature of them all, and the situation required someone like him to go with Felix.

They simply stayed there, watching as the ambulance left.

“What’s going on? What happened?” Chan’s voice boomed behind them, startling them out of their distracted mind.

“They took Felix to a mental health hospital. Woojin is with him,” Hyunjin answered.

“What are you two doing here?” Jisung asked.

“We wanted to help,” Minho answered. “Looks like we were too late.”

“Are you ok, being here and not…” Jisung started quietly asking Minho who reassured him right away that he could handle it, but still took his hand.

“Wait. Why did they take him to a mental health hospital? What happened?” Chan asked them.

They all stayed silent for a long moment. They looked shocked and exhausted. They needed to calm down and rest.

“This is messed up,” Seungmin commented, fidgeting with his jacket. “He… He was completely delirious when we found him on the roof. He kept screaming, yelling at us that we were there to kill him... We tried to hold him so he wouldn't hurt himself or us until the ambulance arrived... It was scary.”

Hyunjin and Jisung nodded sadly as memories of the event replayed in their minds.

“I hope he’s going to be ok,” Hyunjin muttered.

Chan sighed, and then walked up to Hyunjin and patted his shoulder while giving him a comforting smile. He swallowed his own concerns and stood strong for the rest of them.

“I’m sure he will. We’re all going to get through this.”

They answered with unsure smiles, but at least they looked a bit more relaxed. They had to stay positive, otherwise they would all fall into madness too.

“Well, at least, you’re here, Chan, so we can go to the hospital with you,” Jisung sighed after a moment, and they all just realized that Woojin was the only one with a car, beside Chan.

-

“We will need to monitor his condition a bit more and his reaction to medication, but your friend had an acute psychotic episode that might be associated to dormant symptoms of schizophrenia. Since it seems to be his first episode, we will give him a low dose of antipsychotic and see if it is enough. We will help your friend the best we can.”

Woojin couldn’t help it, he had to ask…

“What if nothing helps him? What if he stays like this?”

“Don’t worry too much about it. We will inform you of further development regarding his condition.”

Woojin exited the doctor’s office with a feeling of unease.

“Hey! Where’s Felix?” Chan asked right as Woojin walked in the waiting room.

“Chan?” Woojin saw that Hyunjin, Jisung, Minho and Seungmin were there as well. “What are you all doing here?”

“We wanted to make sure that Felix was alright. Is he…?”

“I don’t know…” Woojin quickly explained everything the doctor had told him.

“Well, at least he’s taken care of,” Jisung commented.

“Yeah… Let’s go back to the hospital, ok? The doctor there wants to meet all of you as well,” Chan decided.

The others started to walk toward the exit, but Woojin caught Chan’s arm, stopping him from following them.

“Chan… Felix's parents didn't answer the phone.”

It was like Chan had just received a hit. His mind wavered and he realized that it was indeed really unusual. And that simple trigger led him to other thoughts. What about Changbin and Jeongin’s parents? Had they been informed of their sons’ conditions?

Something felt really off. It wasn’t only their strange symptoms; it was reality itself too…

His sleep-deprived mind could barely handle all that was happening.

Maybe they were all just getting a bit paranoid... 


	6. Unreachable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!
> 
> This is another small chapter! I hope you'll like it <3
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!
> 
> Thanks!!

“Well… I forgot that we are too many now,” Chan admitted as he looked at the five other boys surrounding the car. “Drive them?” He asked Woojin, throwing him his car keys.

“Are you sure? Shouldn’t you come too?” Jisung asked.

“I already met the doctor, and I wanted to stay behind anyway. I don’t want Felix to be here without any friend or family by his side.”

They could all understand. Everything was just so messed up lately. They left after that and headed for the hospital. Everyone was tensed and the ride was silent. Jisung wondered if he should have stayed behind instead. The only weird thing that had happened to him that could qualify as a symptom was the dizziness, but it hadn’t happened again. Minho squeezed Jisung’s hand as a car passed by them on the opposite lane, scaring him a bit. Well, at least he could be there for Minho, as it looked like he felt safer with him. Jisung couldn’t help but smile at that. He would much prefer Minho to be his normal self, but feeling this important to him was pleasant.

—

Woojin was the last one to meet with the doctor, and when he finally got out of his office, he was glad to find his friends splayed all over Changbin’s hospital room, sleeping soundly.

Only Changbin was still awake. He was looking tiredly out the window. He still looked sick with the green tint of his skin and the light sheen of sweat at the back of his neck.

“Hey…” Woojin whispered, making his way carefully over to Changbin. “Can’t sleep?”

“I’m worried. I hope Felix will be ok. I hope we’ll all be…”

His voice was hoarse, probably because his throat was starting to really get damaged by all the vomiting, especially since it consisted mostly of bile.

“I’m sure we’ll be ok. Were you able to get a hold of your parents?”

Changbin shook his head in answer. Woojin felt uneasy at his answer. What about Jeongin’s parents? Was it the same? Were they also unreachable? He hadn’t seen them around.

“We’ll try to call them again later, ok?”

Changbin nodded and looked out the window again. Woojin patted his hair comfortingly and Changbin looked back at him with an amused expression, but didn’t reject the attention.

Finally, after a long moment, Changbin also fell asleep peacefully.

—

Chan was finally allowed inside Felix’s room. He was lying on the bed, clearly sedated. Chan approached and started some small talk. Felix didn’t react or say anything. He just kept looking at the ceiling, lost in his own troubled mind.

It was hard to see him like this. It was as if Chan was looking at a model version of Felix, an empty shell. It felt so unreal…

Chan hanged his head low for a moment before taking out the medication he had gotten on his way here earlier. He took one pill, as instructed. It should be enough to help him sleep, that was what the doctor had told him.

Yet, hours later, he was still very much awake. His mind was starting to get really foggy and heavy now.

He needed to sleep, he could feel it. So why couldn’t he just do that?

—

Woojin rubbed his eyes, looking in the mirror of the bathroom. His vision was incredibly blurry. It was the first time it had reached this level. He couldn’t see anything clearly around him, he just knew that he was looking at himself in the mirror, because the dark form facing him had been clear like usual just seconds ago.

It wasn’t changing back, and Woojin started to panic. What if he stayed like this?

He held out his hands and moved slowly toward the wall beside the mirror. Once he reached it, he blindly followed it until he reached the door. He couldn’t even make up the doorknob, so he instinctively searched around for it until his hand finally caught it. Then, he unlocked it and got out hesitantly.

“H-hey? Someone? I need help,” he tried, but there didn’t seem to be anybody around. He kept his hands on the wall beside him as he made his way slowly in the hallway of the hospital.

“I-I can’t see. I need help,” he tried once again before tripping in his own feet and landing hard on his arms and knees.

He shook his head, and closed his eyes tightly.

_Please, just get back to normal already!_

“Woojin? Woojin!” Hyunjin called.

Hyunjin was beside him seconds later, helping him back up.

“Are you ok? What’s going on?”

“I can’t see. It… Wait…”

Just then, the blurriness started to fade away. He looked around and his eyes finally landed on Hyunjin’s face. He could see all his features clearly now. His vision was back to normal.

“Don’t go wandering around by yourself if you can’t even see all the time,” Hyunjin reprimanded him.

“Alright, Mr. Grumpy,” Woojin scoffed, standing back up and starting to walk back toward Changbin’s hospital room.

“I’m serious, hyung,” Hyunjin retorted. “With everything that has happened lately… I just have a really bad feeling. Like the worst has yet to come.”

Woojin stopped in his track. Honestly, he felt the same way, and now it was even more unnerving because he wasn’t alone to feel this way.

“I’ll be more careful, promise. Let’s go back now, ok?” Woojin reassured him.

Hyunjin sighed and finally followed him.

—

Jeongin took another big bite of his second burger. He was so hungry! Yet, it felt like he was eating all the time. It was all so strange, but if he ate even more, he would certainly stop losing weight, right?

Seungmin was frantically writing in his notebook in front of him.

“What are you doing?” Jeongin asked before taking another bite.

“Studying, planning…”

“You really brought your notes with you with all that’s happened?”

“I can’t slack off.”

“Damn, so serious… Even I get anxious just looking at you. Did you take the meds the doctor gave you?”

Seungmin nodded and started biting his thumb’s nail.

“Stop distracting me, please,” he asked suddenly.

“Bro, you should take a break,” Jeongin offered, concerned as it seemed like Seungmin’s anxiety was worsening by the second.

“I-I can’t…”

Seungmin started looking around, as if searching for something. His breathing quickened and his hands started shaking a lot more intensely. He let go of his pen and started swaying on his chair.

“Seungmin? Are you ok?” Jeongin asked, worried.

Seungmin blurted an incomprehensible answer and then fell to the ground when he tried to stand up. He was gasping for air now.

“Someone! Please, help him!” Jeongin called as he reached down to him quickly.

Seconds later, nurses were taking Jeongin’s place, helping Seungmin calm down. It was an anxiety attack. Jeongin had never seen anyone go through such a thing, but it was really concerning now. How could Seungmin get this anxious? What was happening to them all?

He hated this whole situation so much.

—

“Seungmin should be ok now. They gave him some heavy anxiolytics.” Woojin informed Chan over the phone.

“Don’t forget to tell the doctor about what happened to you earlier too!” Chan reminded him.

“Yeah, I know. Were you able to reach Felix’s parents? Changbin and Jeongin’s parents still won’t answer their calls…”

“I tried a few times, but they won’t answer either.”

“It is really weird…”

“Yeah…” They both became pensive for a moment, before Woojin broke the silence that had settled between them. “Did you get any sleep at least?”

“No, nothing’s changed,” Chan sighed.

“Ok,” Woojin knew it was not good. Chan was quickly burning himself out. But what could he really do? He wasn’t a doctor. He couldn’t give him stronger pills or something like that. So, he just kept talking… “I wanted to pass by the dorm today with the others. I’ll drop them there and then I’ll come get you, ok? After that we can talk about what we’ll do next.”

“That’s a good idea. Let’s do that. Just be careful while driving...”

“Yeah, don't worry. See you later,” Woojin said before ending the call.

Chan looked at his phone for a little longer. His brain was just working so slowly now. He was sitting in the waiting room while the doctor in charge of Felix examined him. Chan passed his hands over his face. Even with medical supervision, things just didn’t seem to get really better for Felix, on the contrary.

“You can go back in. I’ve increased the dosage of the antipsychotic and reduced the sedative dosage. We will see how well he reacts to it. Hopefully, we will get some normal physical and mental response soon,” the doctor informed Chan with a reassuring smile.

Chan walked back in the room right away, bowing slightly as he passed by the doctor.

If he could just see Felix get back to reality, it would help him really feel hopeful. Just see the usual light in his eyes…

He needed a sign that he would be ok.

That they would all be…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favourite songs these days:  
> \- Mixtape #3 (Stray Kids)  
> \- Killing Me (iKON)  
> \- Dance the Night Away (Twice)  
> \- Egotistic (Mamamoo)  
> \- She's in the Rain (The Rose) 
> 
> I'm still discovering so many songs/groups and I am living for it <3 
> 
> Also, I'm probably going to get two jobs in the month to come and hopefully work 60h/week to attend The Rose's concert in New York on Sept. 1st (gotta clear some of my debts and get enough money to go)! 
> 
> Wish me luck! <3


	7. Decay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Here's a small chapter... Things are starting to get real. How will they get through this? What can they do to help?
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!
> 
> Thanks!! <3

Minho couldn’t stop thinking about Jisung.

He looked at him with worry, just standing a couple of steps away from him, heading for the dorm with Hyunjin, Seungmin and Woojin. He had said that he felt fine, that he had just some light dizziness, but Minho didn’t believe him.

The evening they had spent together a day ago, isolated from every stressful thing for him, he had been lying on Jisung’s bed with him, relaxing with his eyes closed and wearing headphones that blocked most loud sounds. But when Jisung had stood up from the bed and decided to change in his pyjamas, Minho had instinctively opened his eyes, feeling uncomfortable at the loss of Jisung’s reassuring presence beside him.

It was not unusual to change in front of any of them, they were all really close to each other, so Jisung had not taken extra care to hide or anything, and Minho preferred to keep his eyes open while he was alone on the bed. He hated that he was so dependent on Jisung’s presence, that he was so scared of everything now. At least, Jisung was one of the closest people to him, so asking for his help or needing to be with him almost continuously didn’t seem to bother him at all.

Jisung had taken off his shirt and that’s when Minho had seen the large bruise on his ribs.

He hadn’t said anything at the time, but now he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Was Jisung lying? Was he making it less concerning than it really was for their sake, because they were already troubled by so much? It wouldn’t surprise him…

Chan appeared beside him, motioning to follow the others with him, but Minho stayed there. Chan… He had to at least tell him about it, because Jisung would probably try to shake him off if he tried to talk with him first.

“Hyung… There’s something I’m worried about.”

“What’s going on?” Chan asked, turning to face him properly.

Now that he was face to face with him, and focused mainly on him, Minho could see how terrible Chan looked. They were all tired and dealing with their own issues, and Chan was clearly also struggling, but still tried to support them all as much as he could.

He was smiling, but the light in his eyes was dimmed. The dark circles under his eyes almost looked like black eyes. His skin that usually had a beautiful glow, had now more of a gray dullness to it.

It was saddening to see him like this…

Minho hesitated then. Did Chan really need something else to be worried about? It had only been a few days like this and Chan was already affected by everything this much.

“Minho, you can tell me anything you know.”

Minho looked briefly at the others behind Chan. They were making their way to the dorm, and Jisung was smiling brightly, hiding whatever was troubling him to cheer up everyone and maybe enjoy the little peace they had right now. He couldn’t risk losing him.

“It’s about Jisung…” He started.

—

Jeongin was sitting by the window, looking outside, bored and alone. Changbin was still sleeping and that was reassuring in itself.

But of course, it couldn’t stay this way.

Changbin’s heart rate monitor started to become erratic, and seconds later, Changbin was up and stumbling toward the toilet, not caring about all the medical equipment he ripped off himself in the process. Jeongin tried to get to him, to help him, but Changbin didn’t even make it to the toilet before he collapsed on his hands and knees and started vomiting.

Jeongin froze when he saw the puddle of blood on the floor underneath Changbin.

Nurses and doctors ran into the room and quickly started to tend to him.

Jeongin just remained there, unable to move or speak for a long moment, completely in shock.

He was scared now more than ever.

What was happening to Changbin?

What if his condition kept worsening?

What if he died?

—

Felix kept looking at the ceiling. He had lost sense of time and space.

Whenever and wherever it was, he was stuck, unable to move, restrained…

His breathing quickened when he struggled vainly against the bonds keeping him in place.

A woman he didn’t know entered the room a few minutes later. It made him feel even more anxious.

“Hi, Felix,” she greeted him softly. “I am Doctor Park. Are you thirsty?”

He realized just then that his throat was really dry. He nodded hesitantly, keeping eye contact with her, scared of what might happen if he even blinked.

She put the glass of water on the bedside table and started making small talk as she unstrapped his right wrist.

“Your friends brought you here. We are here to help you,” she reassured him. “How are you feeling?”

He remained silent, and she sat on the chair beside his bed, looking at him with a gentle smile, waiting for an answer. After a few seconds, he finally shrugged.

“I guess you must be a bit confused. I’ll explain everything to you soon, but I have a few questions to ask first. Do you mind answering them? They are only procedural questions.”

She started to unstrap his other wrist.

“Do you know what year it is?”

He kept looking at her, feeling unsure and uneasy. Even if she said she was a doctor, she was still a stranger to him. He answered hesitantly with a hoarse voice that didn’t even sound like his. She smiled satisfyingly at him and she proceeded to unstrap his ankles as she asked him other questions like this one. He answered them reluctantly. He wasn’t sure how he knew all the answers, but he didn’t really care for now.

_“RUN!”_

He looked around at the startling order.

“Felix? Is everything alright?” The woman asked worryingly.

“I-I… Yes, sorry. Water?”

She looked unconvinced but still gave him the requested cup of water. He drank it all, feeling the coldness of it appease the dryness of his throat. He thanked her.

She stayed with him, kept asking him simple questions. He tried to answer everything, because, as time passed, she looked like she wasn’t an actual threat to him, even if she was still a stranger to him.

After a while, she started explaining some complicated things to him. He stopped listening, even if he pretended that he still was.

He couldn’t focus on her anymore. His mind was troubled by something else.

There was another voice… Like a whisper…

It was getting louder… and louder…


	8. Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!
> 
> Here's another chapter! :)
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS!
> 
> Thanks!!

_“No! We’re not watching this movie again!” Hyunjin called as he jumped off the couch to grab the controller from Jisung’s hands._

_“What? Why?!”_

_“We’ve watched it like 5 times already,” Changbin pointed out._

_“And?”_

_“Let’s watch something else for a change,” Woojin offered, taking the controller from Hyunjin’s hands and searching through the movies offered on the TV screen. “What about… this one?” He chose with a devilish smile._

_It was an old boring movie, and he knew it, he just wanted to annoy everyone._

_“NO!” They all objected right away._

_“Let me choose!” Jeongin exclaimed, going to take the controller, but failing._

_“No, me!” Seungmin went for the controller as well._

_This time, Woojin was overwhelmed and ended up tripping and falling right over Minho and Felix who were just enjoying the chaotic view before that. They both groaned loudly when Jeongin and Seungmin’s weights were added on top of them. Hyunjin and Jisung laughed loudly as they also jumped on the pile._

_“I’ll be the one to pick the movie,” Chan decided, taking the controller from a struggling Woojin still stuck under the others._

_“No!” They all tried to object, but it was already too late, he had selected his own choice._

_“What the… This is a joke, right? You didn’t really pick that?” Changbin complained._

_The others finally spread back to their own places around the living room, curious. Only Jisung decided to just sit on Minho’s lap as there was no place left for him._

_Jisung’s happy exclamation resounded in the whole apartment a few seconds later as he realized that Chan had chosen the exact same movie as him. Everyone else groaned around them, but they just high-fived with bright smiles._

“…an. Chan? Are you ok?” Woojin asked as he joined him in the living room of their dorm.

“Y-yeah, what’s up?” Chan blurted, going back to reality.

He had been standing there for quite some time now, just looking at the living room, lost in his memories. He missed the times when everything was just so simple. When was the last time he heard them all laugh so heartily? Even if he asked himself this question, he couldn’t even specifically think of the answer. It was weird, because only a couple of days had passed, but he could hardly keep track of time with his insomnia and everything that was happening.

“How are we doing this? Who’s going where?” Woojin asked with a sigh, clearly still concerned, but deciding on talking about what they would do as it was more pressing.

Chan looked at the others who were being busy behind Woojin. Felix, Jeongin and Changbin were missing from their group, obviously. They were six right now, and they had two cars. Someone had to get back to Felix, and the others would have to get back to the hospital. They could use both cars…

That’s all his mind could organize right now. He was getting really tired, and he was overwhelmed with everything that was happening. He used to be a good leader, but now he was barely keeping it together himself. He didn’t know what to do to help, or simply what to do right now.

He just wanted everything to get back to normal.

He wanted them all to be healthy.

“Ok, uhm… We can use both cars…” He started, only to be interrupted by Hyunjin.

“No way. You’re not really going to let Woojin drive again, right?”

Oh right, Woojin had vision problems, so it was a bad idea to let him drive even if he looked on the verge of countering Hyunjin’s opinion.

“Ah, yeah, good call… Then, someone has to stay here, another person will be dropped at the mental hospital to stay with Felix, and the others will go back to the hospital,” he finally decided as everyone joined them in the living room.

“I’ll be going to Felix’s side then,” Hyunjin decided with a sigh.

“Are you sure? I can go instead,” Chan offered.

“Nah, you clearly need to see the doctor again.”

Well, even if his bad attitude and saltiness were a bit annoying, he was still right, so Chan couldn’t argue anymore.

“I’ll stay behind,” Jisung announced in a controlled voice, making sure not to startle Minho who was right beside him. “I’m the only one who’s not really having any problem, so I can stay by myself.”

Chan thought back to what Minho had told him about Jisung earlier, about the bruise on his ribs and the possibility that he might be hiding how bad he truly had it. He opened his mouth, but Minho spoke up.

“I can stay too. So, he won’t be alone either.”

Chan was still unsure of what to do exactly. Why was it so hard to make a decision now?

“If there’s anything, we’ll call you right away. Promised,” Jisung added, seeing as Chan looked worried.

He remained pensive for a long moment, weighing all the pros and cons in his head, but in the end it all just became a jumbled mess, so he simply agreed.

At least, now they all knew where to go and who would stay with whom, so that was reassuring in a way.

Even if it wouldn’t prevent things from getting worse, at least no one would be alone.

—

_“Sssstupid…. You idiot…”_

The voice kept loudly whispering, slurred and almost incomprehensible sometimes, and particularly clear some other times.

_“Ffffelix…. Felix, do it now, while you’re alone…”_

He put his hands on his ears, as if it could help, and started rocking back and forth on the bed as he pleaded silently for the voice to stop.

_“Do it. Kill yourssssself…”_

Felix shook his head violently and whimpered lightly. Why was it getting louder? Why was it telling him all this?

“Felix? Is everything alright?” Startled by the question, he lifted his head and quickly backed further away until he hit the wall behind him, scared by the sudden presence in his room. A nurse had just walked in, accompanied by someone, but it took a moment before Felix recognized him.

_“They know! They know you’re crazy! KILL THEM!”_

“G-go away!” He screamed, overwhelmed by the presence of Hyunjin and the nurse, and the voice still whispering loudly in his ear, all around him, in his head…

The nurse quickly called for an emergency over the intercom near the door. Hyunjin walked in then, not caring about how dangerous it could be.

“Stop this, Felix, it’s me, Hyunjin!” He tried.

_“KILL HIM!”_

“NO! GO AWAY!” Felix reiterated, taking the pillow on his bed and throwing it at Hyunjin with a scared expression.

Hyunjin had to leave. It wasn’t safe.

_“Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!”_

“NO! NOOOOO!” Felix kept screaming as he started hitting his head hard to just make the voice stop.

“Restrain him and sedate him!” He barely heard the doctor from earlier call through the chaos of his screams and the voice in his head.

Arms grabbed him solidly and he started trashing, panicked.

“NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!” He screamed, his voice breaking with his growing hysteria.

Then his whole body became unbearably weak. Small pleads still escaped his lips as the voice kept whispering to him some unintelligible things with a tone that didn’t feel so vehement anymore.

He let out a heavy sigh as his body relaxed on the bed and his mind started fading into darkness.

_“You ssshould have done it… Sssstupid.”_

—

“Jeongin? What are you doing here?” Chan asked as he spotted him sitting outside of Changbin’s hospital room.

He looked unsure of what to say for a moment, but then Chan moved to look inside the room and Jeongin instantly grabbed his arm. They hadn’t cleaned up yet…

“No, hyung, don’t go in there,” he asked, his voice small and scared.

“What? Why? What happened? Is Changbin in there?”

“He’s not…” Jeongin started answering, but Chan didn’t wait for the rest and barged into the empty room only to freeze in shock at the puddle of blood on the ground near the bathroom. He got out right back to Jeongin.

“Where is he?” There was concern and fear in his voice.

“Surgery, I think they said…” Jeongin finally answered. “Hyung… Will he…”

Chan hugged him tightly then, shushing him softly.

“Don’t worry. Changbin is strong… And the doctors are here to help him.”

These words were said with as much reassurance as Chan could provide, but sounded as if he was also trying to convince himself that Changbin would get through this.

“What about Felix? A-and…” A sob escaped Jeongin’s lips, but he suddenly became silent and limp in Chan’s hands.

“Jeonginie? H-hey?” He tried to get some answer out of him, as panic rose inside his chest.

Jeongin remained unresponsive.

This couldn’t be happening. No…

“HELP! Go get help!” He screamed at Woojin and Seungmin.

Woojin and Seungmin ran to get help right away, yelling for a nurse or a doctor. Chan took Jeongin’s inert face in his hands. He pleaded for him to open his eyes, slapped his cheeks lightly, shook him…

No reaction, nothing…

Chan’s heart only dropped further down into what seemed like a bottomless pit inside him as the seconds passed, until finally help came and took the younger boy away.

He was trying so hard to be positive, to tell himself that everything would turn out alright, but now he truly feared the worst. Would all their conditions worsen until…

That couldn’t be… At least not so many of them at the same time… Right?

What was this real-life nightmare?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's your ultimate bias? :) 
> 
> Mine is NCT/WayV Lucas <3


	9. Unconscious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter! Nothing much happens, but be ready for even more angst :) 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!!! <3
> 
> Thanks!!

“The doctors said they are trying to keep them stable for now, but… They don’t understand what’s happening to them yet. They say that they are getting resistant to the supplements and medications, so… that’s not good,” Woojin informed Hyunjin over the phone.

The rest of the group, at least those still… aware, had already been informed of the situation.

“’Not good’? Are you kidding me!? It’s really bad! Why can’t they find what the hell’s happening to them? They are supposed to…”

“Hyunjin!” Woojin cut him, his voice strong and definite. “They keep running tests, monitoring their conditions closely… They are doing their best.”

“But it’s not enough!” Hyunjin started arguing again. “They should be curing them from whatever they have! There must be something else… Something else we can…”

“Ok. Listen… I understand how you feel. We’re all worried about them, and it feels like we can’t do anything to help them. We can’t go blaming everyone for what’s happening. If the doctors could do something for them, they would, just like we would.”

“I-I… I know that!” Hyunjin yelled, letting out a sob as he hit the wall in front of him before slumping against it. “Hyung… I couldn’t do anything… I was just frozen there while Felix screamed at me to go away,” he cried softly this time. “I never felt so sacred and useless in my entire life.” There, Hyunjin was finally getting out what was really troubling him. “I just want things to go back to normal!”

“Me too,” Woojin answered.

They stayed silent on the phone for a long moment, just being there for the other even if they were apart.

Hyunjin kept crying and raging from time to time, and Woojin also let a few tears fall.

How would they get through this?

—

Minho was relaxing on the couch with Jisung’s headphones on. No sound was coming out of them, but it blocked most of the outside noise and it felt so good not to be startled by every little sound.

Jisung was talking on the phone with Chan, looking serious and worried. Something had certainly happened and Minho didn’t know if he really wanted to be informed too, looking at how it seemed to affect Jisung. From the little he could hear, it had something to do with their already hospitalized friends.

Finally, the call ended. Jisung kept looking at his phone for a long moment before he stood up.

Minho kept observing him, a bit concerned when he saw him sway on his feet. And suddenly, Jisung was falling forward. Minho quickly got up and caught him before he crashed on the glass coffee table in front of him.

He slumped heavily in Minho’s arms and looked around frantically, as if he couldn’t focus on anything. Jisung grabbed onto Minho’s shirt tightly.

“M-Minho!” Han called.

The sound of Han’s voice was toned down because of the headphones, but Minho could still clearly hear the alarm in his voice since they were so close. He slowly brought the both of them down on the floor, seeing as Jisung was unable to get back on his feet.

“I’m here, don’t worry,” he reassured him.

Jisung closed his eyes and it instantly made Minho fear for the worst.

“Jisung? Jisung, stay with me, ok?”

Jisung smiled at him then, perturbing Minho for a few seconds, but also reassuring him as he was at least still somewhat responsive.

“I’m ok, dummy. Just a bit dizzy.”

“Don’t give me that. You didn’t look ‘just a bit dizzy’ to me when you called out my name a few seconds ago,” Minho reprimanded him.

Jisung let out a breathy laugh and relaxed in Minho’s arms. A few seconds passed again before Jisung reopened his eyes and looked right at Minho. The dizziness was probably finally gone.

He then sat back up and looked around.

“I’m good now,” he announced and then stood up.

Minho felt uneasy. Jisung wouldn’t tell Chan or anyone about what had just happened, that was for sure, and this meant that Minho would have to do it for him, so that he could prevent anything more dangerous from happening to Jisung.

—

Seungmin kept walking between Changbin’s and Jeongin’s rooms. They were both kept unconscious and supported by machines, especially Changbin who was completely surrounded by them now, kept in the intense care section. There were tubes inside his mouth, bandages over his throat and chest…

It was a truly heartbreaking view.

The doctor had said that Changbin’s esophagus had ruptured badly during his last vomiting episode. They had to operate, and stitch everything up. Then they had placed everything to keep him sustained and alive, which also meant keeping him unconscious to prevent any other vomiting episode from happening until his esophagus was completely healed, and tubes to feed him and help him breathe properly with the swelling of his esophagus and help prevent infections.

Changbin would be out cold for a long time. The doctors kept running tests and monitoring his condition, trying to find the cause to his unstoppable vomiting episodes, and keep him stable.

Jeongin was in another room not too far away. They hadn’t known that his condition was also quite serious until he fainted in Chan’s arms. The doctors also carried more tests. His levels of vitamins and nutrients, his blood pressure and his weight were getting increasingly lower despite the supplements he had been given. They were quickly reaching critical severity.

The doctors decided to also keep him unconscious to better monitor his condition and vitals, and also limit his energy expense.

Things were getting worse, and quickly. Seungmin was more anxious than ever. He didn’t sleep well, couldn’t stop fidgeting and overthinking.

Felix was going crazy, Woojin was having vision problems, Chan couldn’t sleep, Minho was overly nervous… Everything was just too worrying and he couldn’t stop shaking and… and sometimes it was like he couldn’t even breathe.

“They’ll be alright… They have to be…” He murmured to himself, trying to convince himself.

“Seungmin? Are you ok?” Woojin asked as he entered Jeongin’s room, noticing right away that he was on the verge of another anxiety attack.

He hadn’t been there when he had had the first one, but he had made sure to know how to help if it happened again.

“Hey, breathe with me, ok?” He instructed him and Seungmin followed his instructions, but his eyes darted to their unconscious friend and suddenly he was failing at calming down.

Woojin then decided to lead him outside the room. He told him to sit on a bench and restarted the process. It took a long moment, and at some point, Seungmin started crying, but it seemed to help, so Woojin encouraged him to let it all out.

“Hyung… I’m scared… I’m so scared,” he wailed. “I-I don’t want to lose them.”

Woojin could only hug him then. They were running out of comforting words to say, every one of them quickly losing hope in getting all back home alive.

All they could do was being there for each other until…

Until all this came to an end.

—

“The medication is not working,” the doctor in charge of Felix stated.

“We figured that,” Hyunjin spat and Chan glared at him, silently telling him to keep silent.

“We’ll try stronger medication in higher doses to see if there is any effect. Until then, we will limit visiting hours for security reasons.”

“But… Shouldn’t he have people he knows around? Wouldn’t it help him feel safe?” Chan asked, concerned about Felix.

“Unfortunately, with the way he reacted with your friend here the last time, I’m more concerned about your safety and keeping him monitored closely by professionals,” she replied, motioning at Hyunjin. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

The doctor looked really annoyed as she led them outside her office. Chan guessed that with Felix's complicated situation, Hyunjin’s attitude and his own insistence, she was reaching her limit of niceness for the day. It was understandable, but she was not the only one to have reached her limit. Chan had exceeded his own limit hours ago.

As soon as she was out of his sight, he turned and walked decisively inside the hospital, toward the patients’ rooms.

“Chan? Where are you going?”

“To see Felix.”

Hyunjin remained silent, only following him as he made his way to Felix’s room. When they finally arrived, Chan entered the room and went straight to Felix’s bed. The younger Aussie was lying there, motionless, looking lethargically at the ceiling above, completely disconnected from reality because of the strong medication and sedatives they had given him.

“Hey, Felix,” Chan greeted him softly.

It hurt Hyunjin to hear his voice in such a scared broken tone, just like it hurt to see Felix in this state.

“I’m here, ok?” He added, taking Felix’s hand. “I won’t leave you behind, I promise… When we’re all healed up, we’ll have a pyjama party like we used to, and we’ll eat a bunch of tasty foods until our bellies are full, and we’ll laugh and have a great time, ok? So… Please come back to us. We’ll always be waiting for you.”

Chan let out a few tears and then exited the room before they were caught by a nurse.

Hyunjin couldn’t say or do anything but follow Chan. There was so much going on, too much to process correctly.

He remained silent as they left the mental hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you seen grey-haired Chan? And blue-haire Minho? I AM LIVING <3


	10. Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!
> 
> Our poor boys have to deal with the increasing anxiety they all feel... :(
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

They could all feel it…

The imminence of another crisis.

It unnerved them all so much. Seungmin was the most restless. They couldn’t leave him alone anymore. He was always on the verge of an anxiety attack despite all the relaxants he had been given by the doctor already.

Woojin was not saying much. He looked tired, on edge, but not as much as Chan.

“What are we doing here exactly?” Hyunjin asked then, startling them all out of their heavy thoughts. “Look at us. Staying here, watching over Jeongin and Changbin… it’s killing us too.”

“Don’t talk like they are dying,” Chan replied sharply.

They had noticed how Chan’s temper was getting increasingly short. Especially when it was about their friends’ conditions.

“Yeah, keep being voluntarily blind. It’ll just hurt more when they really die.”

“How can you say that?!” Seungmin yelled this time, panic already evident in his voice even if he clearly tried to appear only angry.

“Oh, come on, you’re probably the one that’s been thinking about it the most!” Hyunjin replied, visibly annoyed. “It hasn't even been a week and they are already in such a state. And they keep getting worse. Let’s be real, Changbin and Jeongin will most likely not make it.”

Seungmin was beside Hyunjin in seconds. He punched him right in the face before Woojin and Chan could interfere. They had never seen Seungmin so angry in their entire life. He used to be a happy and lively person, someone a bit annoying at times, but always truly nice and gentle.

So, the punch really took them all by surprise.

“Shut up!” He growled making them all freeze for a moment. They could feel the despair seeping inside Seungmin’s anger. They could hear it in the way his voice broke lightly and see it in his watery eyes.

They knew that Hyunjin wasn’t usually like this. He was one of their brothers, he cared… They guessed that it was easier for him to say such things than to just keep thinking about Felix, Changbin and Jeongin without being able to do anything to help them.

“That’s enough, both of you,” Chan warned them, placing himself between them. “We’re all stressed out and we can’t just give up on them either,” he told them, looking at Hyunjin straight in the eyes at the last part.

It hit Hyunjin then as he remembered Chan’s promise to Felix.

He was angry and felt so damn useless.

All they could do now was holding onto the last bits of hope that remained, but… But Hyunjin was scared. He was so awfully scared to lose them despite that. To lose all his friends and be even more destroyed because he wasn’t mentally prepared for that loss. He didn’t want them all to be as devastated as he felt he would be either, so he was clumsily trying to make them face “reality” to make it hurt them less if the worst truly happened.

Seungmin had all the right reasons to be angry at him. He deserved that punch, but it didn’t mean that Hyunjin would stop trying to prevent them from totally falling apart.

“I’ll ask you all to leave. You are disrupting the patient’s rest,” a nurse requested as she entered the room, looking at them with an exhausted and annoyed expression.

“Sorry,” Chan answered tiredly before exiting the room, Woojin, Seungmin, and Hyunjin following soon after.

Well, they probably needed to get away from this place for a moment anyway.

It was draining the life out of them…

—

_“They’ll all die sssssoon… You’ll be next… You’ll die too.”_

Felix could still hear the voice, but he felt numb to it. He couldn’t move or do anything. He was just lying there on the hospital bed, looking at the ceiling as either the voice filled his thoughts or his mind wandered aimlessly. Sometimes, distorted memories appeared in his mind…

Sometimes he swore he could hear some of his friends’ voices around, as if they were there with him. Their laughs…

Chan’s voice was always the clearest, as if he was still there, holding his hand.

_“I won’t leave you behind, I promise… Please come back to us. We’ll always be waiting for you.”_

He couldn’t really make sense of these words, as if his brain refused to process them, but it felt like they were important, like he needed to repeat them to himself, to hold onto them as long as he could.

So, he did just that…

—

Jisung put some oil in the pan. He wasn’t one of the best cooks in the dorm, but he could handle making lunch for once. Chan had called earlier, saying that they were all coming back to update everyone properly, get some things at the dorm and determine what to do next. Jisung had decided to make lunch for everyone, at least those who would come. Having a warm meal together would maybe help cheer them up a bit and stay positive despite everything that was happening.

Minho was still in the living room, relaxing with Jisung’s headphones on. At least, he looked like he was doing better than in the past days, so that was good. Maybe they could at least help one of them get better.

Jisung extended his hand to take the cut vegetables beside the stove but his vision swayed and he found himself barely staying upright for a second before the feeling went away. He stayed there, unmoving, for a long moment, making sure that this had just been a short-lived episode.

“Are you ok?” Minho asked then, and Jisung jumped at the unexpected sound of his voice.

“You scared me,” he exclaimed softly, trying not to startle him too with his usual loudness.

Minho smiled lightly, amused. At least, this time he hadn’t been the one to be frightened for something as harmless as a simple question.

“So? Are you ok? You looked like…” Minho started, but Jisung cut him short.

“Don’t worry, just a bit dizzy.”

“Again?”

“Not as bad as yesterday. I’m fine, I swear.”

Minho looked at him with doubt in his eyes. It was a normal reaction with everything that was happening to them. What if Changbin, Jeongin and Felix weren’t the only ones getting worse? But maybe Minho was really too anxious for nothing. He should probably focus his energy on himself or the others who were already in serious conditions.

He sighed and finally left the kitchen. He took off the headphones and got out of the dorm to call Chan in the staircase. At least there he would still be in a silent place and he would be able to share his concern with Chan about Jisung without him hearing.

Every time the ringtone resonated, Minho winced and felt his heartbeat quicken.

Then, finally Chan answered, but Minho didn’t answer back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mix of the week:  
> \- IKON - I'm Ok and Killing Me  
> \- Mamamoo - Egotistic  
> \- (G)I-dle - Hann  
> \- The Rose - Red (this song omg <3)  
> \- Twice - Likey
> 
> For some reason, I'm listening to more girl groups lately ^.^ What's your favourite song these days?


	11. Distorted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> This chapter is angsty as hell, and also ends on a big suspense. I will try to update on Friday or Saturday as well, because I feel like this small chapter will most likely be annoying without a quick continuation X) 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the angst! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

Chan heard the sound of the fire alarm on the other side of the phone, and his heart suddenly dropped in fear.

“Minho? What’s going on? Minho, answer me!”

No… Not them too…

“Let’s go!” He called to the others as they were already on their way to Chan’s car. “I think something happened!”

They could feel the deep concern and dread in his voice, and it was enough to make them all run to the car. With all the problems they had faced lately, they couldn’t help but take it seriously.

They drove away quickly toward the dorm. None of them dared say or ask anything, seeing as Chan looked too alarmed and focused on the road. He was determined to get to Minho and Jisung as fast as possible…

Too fast…

“CHAN! IT’S A RED LIGHT!” Woojin screamed, but his voice was already drowned in car horns.

—

Jisung opened his eyes, confused and annoyed by the loud sound resounding above him. His head hurt already so much…

Wait, where was he? Why was he lying on the ground in the kitchen? Why did it smell like smoke?

He quickly sat up, alarmed by the connection that was suddenly taking place in his mind as his memory came back to him. He had fallen because of a wave of dizziness and hit his head while things were still cooking on the stove!

“Shit!” He looked at the stove and saw the flames coming from the pan.

He stood up and reached out to it only to be hit by another wave of dizziness. He fell back to the ground, involuntarily taking the burning pan with him. Flaming oil and food fell all over the ground and on his arm.

He cried out in pain at the stinging sensation on his arm and quickly put out the fire on it. After that, through his spinning vision, he made out growing flames around him.

“Help!” He yelled, terrified by his inability to leave and the alarming situation he was in.

No one answered.

“Minho?!”

Where was he? Damn it… He had his headphones on. He should have heard the fire alarm anyway, but if he hadn’t helped Jisung out already, he might be too frightened by the loudness of the alarm to get out by himself.

“No… Nononono… Minho!” His voice broke at the thought that Minho was also in danger.

Jisung started to crawl on the ground, trying anything with his lack of bearings due to the never-ending dizziness. He was almost out of the kitchen when he started to really feel the effect of the growing lack of oxygen. He felt tired, it was hard to breathe, smoke burned as it passed through his throat…

He coughed hard, he felt like his head and muscles were getting numb.

He had to get Minho out at least! He had to save him!

He reached out his arm once more…

Only to finally lose consciousness.

—

Felix screamed and screamed… He was so awfully terrified. He couldn’t say why, but the voices of his friends had disappeared so suddenly, and he felt so lonely and scared. Soon enough, his brain registered that he was strapped to the bed, and his panic only grew.

He needed to get out of here!

He needed help!

People grouped around him. He felt unwanted hands touch him.

It didn’t stop. They talked to him, but the words were unintelligible, as if they were talking another language.

He screamed, yelled at them to go away.

He wanted to escape, to go to his family or his friends, to feel safe and reassured.

Even if Felix couldn’t understand what the people around him were saying, he could sense that they were getting more and more anxious, that they were also realizing that whatever they were trying to do didn’t work.

“LET ME GO!” He roared and tugged on the straps.

He trashed in his bed, desperately trying to get free.

They stopped touching him and stepped back.

He kept going restlessly.

—

Jeongin opened his eyes and found himself alone in a dark room. He felt weak, frail, cold…

Where were his friends? What had happened to Changbin?

What had happened to himself?

He closed his eyes once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys... SuperM is debuting on September 10th and I am losing my mind!!! I pre-ordered the Lucas edition of the album (because he's my ultimate bias and I love him sooooo much) :D!!!! 
> 
> I'm not ready for this awesome collab, but at the same time I can't wait <3


	12. Alarmed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!
> 
> You'll probably be even more anxious after reading this :) 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! <3
> 
> Thanks!!

They were all screaming, and everything was blurry and terrifying.

They swore they all saw their lives flash before their eyes.

Chan had stomped on the brake as soon as he had heard Woojin’s shout. Their car had gotten out of control, turning as they screamed, waiting for the impending hit that would surely kill them all.

The other cars did the same, barely missing them as they either drove past them or stopped just in time.

When everything finally came to a stop, they were all shocked, breathing heavily, eyes wide and mouth open. It took them a couple of seconds to get back to reality, to really believe that everything was alright, that they were all fine and still alive.

Chan was the first one to move. He immediately took off, making them all yell his name and ask him to stop. He wouldn’t listen, he was still entirely focused on driving them all back to the dorm.

Woojin was angry now.

“Chan, stop! You’ll kill us…”

He stopped, his eyes catching sight off something ahead of them.

Dark smoke, rising up in the sky, just where their dorm was located…

No… They knew there was a high probability that something else had happened, but it was even more concerning now. He couldn’t ask Chan to stop anymore. They had to get there. They had to make sure that Jisung and Minho were alright.

—

“Hey! Wake up!” A distant voice called to him.

Minho opened his eyes, but felt overwhelmed again by the terrifying sound of the fire alarm all around him. He put his hands on his ears instinctively, trying to block the sound, but each unbearable note made his heart drop in fear that paralyzed him completely. It felt like he would pass out again if this situation didn’t come to a stop soon.

Hands grabbed onto him, lifted him. He made out that they were going down the stairs. The smell of smoke was becoming less and less intense as they neared the entrance of the building, until they finally got out.

It still took a few minutes before Minho could finally get back to reality a bit. He was far enough from the fire alarm, but there were so many people around, and they were loud…

Wait, where was Jisung? Minho couldn’t see him.

“Hey, buddy, are you alright? You were unconscious in the stairs,” a boy he didn’t know asked.

Minho barely nodded, still looking around, searching for Jisung.

“Buddy?” The boy tried again, but Minho’s attention was caught by the conversation of two girls close to them.

“You think it’s coming from dorm 12?”

“Yes, I’m sure of it! I hope they all got out safely.”

Dorm 12? Wasn’t it his dorm?

He felt his heartbeat pick up as he quickly looked up at the building, seeing dark smoke rise up in the sky, exactly from where his dorm was.

He looked around once more, panicked.

“J-Jisung?!” He screamed, flinching at the loudness of his own voice.

He pushed the other boy away and started walking through the crowd, desperate to find him, but he knew... Something inside him was telling him that Jisung was still up there, in the burning building.

He walked decisively toward the door, but soon the fire alarm became too overwhelming.

Every step closer to the building, felt heavier and heavier.

He felt like he was about to pass out again, or worse, as if his heart wouldn’t be able to sustain the trauma of the fire alarm fully again.

He was terrified, so deeply that he found himself on his knees metres away from the main door.

Jisung…

He raged inside as tears ran down his cheeks. He never felt this terribly useless. His body wouldn’t go closer than that, it was as if his nervousness was now the thing controlling him, despite the profound desire he had to go get Jisung.

He hated it so much. He would have run inside without hesitation in any normal situation.

So why was he stuck like this, frightened to his core, as if the sound of the fire alarm would just suck the life out of him if he dared come inside the building?

But, he also knew that, in reality, what would really kill him would be… losing Jisung. Especially if it was because of his powerlessness.

That would truly be the end of him. He would never recover.

He couldn’t let that happen!

On shaky legs, he stood up and forced himself to take another step forward. But then, Chan appeared before him. The words he spoke to him didn’t quite register in Minho’s mind, but his sole presence was somehow reassuring.

“Jisung…” He let out, pointing at their burning dorm. “Save him, please…” He pleaded.

Chan was gone almost right away, running inside the building, not caring about the danger. Minho stayed there for a long moment, looking at the building’s door where Chan had entered, a flicker of hope lighting up in his chest. He knew that Chan would do anything to save Jisung. He was then joined by Woojin, Hyunjin and Seungmin. They asked him questions, but he couldn’t answer. He was still too affected by everything to really understand them.

He only kept looking expectantly at the entrance of the dorm, waiting for Chan to come back with Jisung, praying to any higher power to let them both make it back alive…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone amongst you, my dear readers, lives in Ireland?  
> I might end up moving there for a year... :o


	13. Extinction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers...
> 
> This chapter hurts. A lot. :')
> 
> Hope you like it though! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! 
> 
> Thanks!!

“JISUNG!” Chan screamed as he arrived on their floor, covering his lower face with his shirt as it got hard to breathe because of the dense smoke around him.

He went straight to their dorm, but he cried out as he felt a stinging pain right when he touched the doorknob.

Shit, this was bad… Really bad…

He knew he shouldn’t open it, it was common knowledge, but Jisung was most likely still inside. He couldn’t just leave him there either.

At least the door was opening toward him, and not the opposite, so maybe he could do something…

He held his breath as he took off his shirt and put it around his hand to grab the doorknob once more. He turned it and opened the door, but hid quickly behind it.

He saw the flames escape the dorm instantly, licking the door and the walls, expending quickly around him. He yelped when he felt a painful stinging sensation where the flames flickered too close to his exposed arm.

He could endure it… He could do this for Jisung!

He bore with the pain and fearfulness for a long moment until the flames finally calmed down.

As soon as the fire explosion was gone, Chan entered the room, putting his shirt back over his mouth and nose. The sight he saw was even more terrifying than he had expected. Fire was everywhere around him, burning away this place that had been like a home to him and his friends just a few days ago. He didn’t stay shocked too long though. He had to find Jisung, and fast.

He entered, going for the living room right away, as it was the closest to the door.

Jisung wasn’t there.

Chan cursed loudly. It was hard to breathe and see with the dark smoke and the hot flames all over the place. He wouldn’t be able to endure it much longer.

He went to the rooms next. The fire had just started to burn away this part of the dorm. He looked inside Jisung’s room, but it was empty.

He made his way inside the dorm as quickly as he could, but the lack of oxygen and the heat were starting to really get to him. He felt fuzzy now…

He entered the kitchen with lightly wobbly legs. There, his eyes widened as his heart sunk deeper than it already was.

The weakness he had just felt was gone almost instantly as adrenaline suddenly pumped through his veins.

He had just found Jisung’s unmoving form on the ground, surrounded by raging fire, threatening to take him away for good.

—

“Where the hell are the firefighters!?” Hyunjin yelled, hesitating on going inside too.

Chan had been gone for some minutes already and they couldn’t know if he had found Jisung or if he was simply alright. The firefighters, police and paramedics were on their way, but they still weren’t there. It unnerved Hyunjin too much. He was angry at the entire situation. How could Jisung end up stuck in the dorms? And why was their dorm on fire in the first place? And Chan… Why had he just ran into the building? Had he completely lost his mind? The building was on fire! It was dangerous, damn it!

He was better to make it back, or else Hyunjin would never forgive him.

—

Jisung was heavier than he had expected, but that might be because of the pain it caused on his burned arm to carry him or because Jisung was completely limp in his arms. Still, he had to take him out of the building, no matter what.

Each flight of stairs, Chan cursed internally at the fact that their dorm hadn’t been lower, or the fact that he had gotten there so late, or that he hadn’t been there to protect Jisung in the first place…

He should’ve been more cautious. They should’ve stayed all together, making sure that if anything else happened they would at least all be together.

His vision blurred for a moment as he struggled to stay upright. He kept going anyway, coughing hard. He needed air… He could feel the effect of having inhaled too much smoke. It was on the verge of also making him lose consciousness. That’s when Chan missed a step and fell down the stairs. He still tried his best to protect Jisung in their fall until they stopped tumbling down. He remained unmoving for a moment, trying to get his bearings back. After a small moment, he decided that he couldn’t wait any longer. Time was running out for the both of them. He coughed hard as he tried to get back up. He felt dizzy and uncomfortably hot.

They were so close to getting out…

He tried to take Jisung in his arms again, but his muscles couldn’t sustain his weight anymore, so he simply put one of his arms around his shoulders and placed his arm around Jisung’s back and side to lift him lightly up the ground and drag him down another flight of stairs.

Just a bit further…

They were there. Chan could see the light from the entrance. Just another flight of stairs. He straightened his grip on Jisung’s body as he prepared himself to continue on his way down, but then he heard a low moan and a heavy cough shook Jisung’s body.

Chan looked down at him, worried.

“H-hey, Jisungie, you’re ok. We’re almost out,” he tried to reassure him, only to end his sentence with another deep cough.

“Chan…”

His voice was strained, weak, unsettling…

“Yeah! That’s me! Stay conscious ok?” Chan started on his way down again, even more determined.

Jisung coughed and looked up at him, then at the entrance of the building that was just a few metres in front of them. They could see their friends’ forms standing out from the crowd, waiting impatiently for them to make it out.

“Minho,” Jisung recognized almost immediately, despite the distance. He coughed a bit and a soft smile appeared on his lips, but it didn't erase the evident pain and exhaustion from his features. “I’m glad…” He finally let out.

His voice was full of relief, but also sorrow and acceptance. Jisung’s smile suddenly disappeared, his eyes closed and his body slumped heavily back against Chan.

“Jisung? H-hey, buddy? Come on… Jisung, stay with me!” He pleaded trying to get them out even faster as a strong feeling of urgency took over him.

As soon as he made it out the doors, the others were running to him. They helped carry Jisung farther from the burning building, then laid him on the ground. Chan took Jisung’s face in his hands and slapped his cheeks lightly to get him back to consciousness, but he didn’t react.

That’s when Chan realized that his worst fears were in fact reality.

Jisung was completely still. His face was too relaxed, his chest was unmoving…

No… This couldn’t be… Not him, not here, not now, not ever… They couldn’t lose him!

Chan quickly tried to find a pulse, but he found none. He looked around, yelling for paramedics to help him, but they clearly hadn’t arrived yet. He cursed loudly and quickly got to work, doing CPR as best as he could remember while the others were completely frozen in shock around them.

“Come on, Jisung, you can’t leave us! We need you… I need you!” Chan shouted desperately as he pushed strongly on Jisung’s inert chest, rivers falling down his cheeks.

Chan kept going, praying, begging the universe to let him save Jisung.

He didn’t hear the emergency vehicles finally arrive.

He didn’t hear the paramedics ask for him to step back.

He was only focused on saving Jisung, nothing else mattered.

But it was too late...

He was forcefully dragged away from Jisung's still lifeless body.

“JISUNG! NO, JISUNG! YOU CAN’T! P-PLEASE! JUST PLEASE COME BACK TO US!” Chan wailed, voice cracking with the terrible anguish he felt.

He was taken farther from the paramedics despite his screams and trashing, trying to fight against whoever was trying to pull him away to get back to Jisung. It wasn’t the end, he could still try to save him! He could still…. He collapsed as Jisung was taken away in an ambulance.

What could he do now? What had he even been able to do in the end?

Jisung…

Jisung was gone.

—

Jeongin’s eyes fluttered open once more.

He felt groggy, but there was something else, something deeper and wrong. Like a profound loneliness and sadness, as if he had just lost something really important to him. He tried to move, but his body was too numb. He let out a small whimper and gagged at the unpleasant sensation in his throat, as if something was stuck there. He didn’t get to really understand everything clearly before a nurse entered the room and ran up to him.

She looked panicked for a moment, said some things to him that he didn’t quite understand, and then a pleasant feeling of sleepiness washed over him.

He lost consciousness thinking about his friends again, about the fact that he still hadn’t seen them.

Where were they? Were they alright? When would he see them again?

He missed them all so much…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I decided to create a Patreon and I would really appreciate it if you could support me :) By subscribing to my content (on the tier of your choice) you could enjoy exclusive one-shots, early access to chapters and more! Find me: Emybulby !<3


	14. Hatred

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> If you thought that I was done with the angst, you were wrong...
> 
> I hope you won't hate this chapter (and what's coming...)! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

Minho was disconnected from reality, only brought back painfully by any sound that would trigger a jolt.

He hated it.

He hated everything.

But mostly, he hated himself.

It hurt so much, and so deep. He felt like the guilt would kill him faster than his growing nervousness would.

Yeah…

They had to face reality, death was coming for all of them. Their weird symptoms were getting worse and they couldn’t do anything against it, it seemed.

They waited in Jeongin’s room for hours. Late in the night, Chan came back, covered in bandages on his right side, eyes puffy, look distant… Well, until he met their expecting stares. Then, he broke down. Literally. He fell on his knees and started crying loudly.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry,” he wailed.

Every sound that came out of him broke their hearts. Minho couldn’t handle it. He put his hands on his ears, wishing for him to just stop making so much noise… to just stop blaming himself, and hurting him more than he already was.

If he hadn’t passed out…

If he hadn’t left Jisung alone…

Woojin instantly hugged Chan and started crying too, Seungmin joining them seconds later. Hyunjin simply stormed out, not saying a thing.

Minho let silent, but heavy, tears flow down his cheeks.

Jisung was gone… Truly gone, and Chan didn’t have to even say it.

The loss was more painful than anything he had ever felt.

How would they get through this?

Would they even be able to?

—

Hyunjin drank and drank and drank… Trying to drown his anger and sorrow away with alcohol.

He drank as much as he would have filled those bottles with tears, which meant a whole lot.

He stumbled through the empty streets, half-empty bottle in hand, mumbling curses at the universe for taking Jisung away from them like this.

Everything was fuzzy, except for the unbearable grief still very present in his heart.

Jisung and him had had their fights and arguments, but they had also had the happiest moments together. Jisung was a mood-maker. He was funny, lively, someone that would cheer them up through the most difficult times.

Hyunjin barely held in angry tears as he cursed the universe once again before taking another mouthful of alcohol. The taste didn’t burn his throat anymore, and didn’t make things any better, it seemed. Stupid alcohol, not even numbing him like it should!

He threw the bottle on the building beside him, raging with the overwhelming emotions taking over him.

He hated it.

He hated everything.

But mostly, he hated himself.

He should’ve stayed with Jisung and Minho. He should’ve been there, making sure they were still safe, instead of going to Felix’s side. Felix had completely lost it, but at least he was hospitalized. And again, he found himself taken over by anger, thinking about how that meant fucking nothing either, because the doctors were so goddamn useless!

“What the fuck, man?!”

Hyunjin was surprised to see someone visibly offended covered in a spray of beer. Oh… There had been people on the corner of the building. Wait, had he really missed his throw that much? Shit, he was really drunk, uh?

“Go to hell,” Hyunjin mumbled, ready to get back on his way to wherever his feet would lead him.

“What’s your problem? Can’t even apologize, jerk?” His friend asked stepping closer.

Hyunjin looked at them for a moment. They were well-built, clearly looking for a fight, and they had found their target, well Hyunjin had also been looking for it. He let out a breathy laugh that made him feel slightly sick for a moment.

“Fuck you.” He provoked them.

He really had it coming. Actually, deep down, he wanted it, something to make him forget the pain of Jisung’s loss, of his own guilt, of his fears of losing his other friends…

When the first punch hit his face, he realized that physical pain wouldn’t be enough…

And even if they kept hitting him, even if he felt bones break and blood flow out of his mouth and nose, it just wasn’t enough to make him forget his anger, to make him shut the fuck up.

So, he laughed at them, tried to fight back…

He was really stupid, uh?

Maybe it was as a sort of apology for not helping Chan earlier, because it was too “dangerous”, or maybe it was because he thought he deserved it.

He didn’t really know, but he found himself slumping against the building’s wall, dizzy and hurting. The funniest… well, maybe not the funniest, but the oddest thing was that his wounds still hurt less than the emotional pain he was trying so desperately to replace with anything else.

The other guys left, first satisfied with the fight they had obviously won, but then looking horrified with the awful state of their victim. They ran away, just like Hyunjin had ran away from his brothers earlier...

Hyunjin felt like he deserved to suffer alone, but something inside him told him that Chan would be angry at him for thinking like that. And soon he broke down in tears, and it felt right, despite the pain it caused all over his body.

—

Woojin was on his way to Changbin’s room, when doctors and nurses quickly cut him to enter said room. Woojin could only stare as he watched Changbin’s spasming form in the bed, covered in blood as the medical team tried to help him.

It was a nightmare… A real-life nightmare.

“Changbin… No… No! Changbin!” Nurses caught him and dragged him away before he could enter.

What did he really think he would be able to do to help him? Yet, he felt like he needed to be beside him, like his simple presence might just be enough to keep him alive. He needed him alive, they all needed him to keep fighting to get better and stay by their side.

They couldn’t lose him too.

Tears streamed down his cheeks as he was led away from the busy room. Woojin waited nearby, unable to get back to Jeongin’s room to tell the others about Changbin’s situation.

He just couldn’t hurt them more than they already were. So, he bore the extra pain and anxiety alone. Waiting, either for a bit more time with Changbin, or bad news he doubted his abused heart would be able to handle.

And it was true agony…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I couldn't go to The Rose's concert, but that's okay because it would have been a really awful financial decision to go to New York now.  
> On another note, life's good I guess :) Well, how could it be that bad when Kpop exists? :P Positivity (and your favourite music) is the key to happiness! <3


	15. Hopeless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Sorry for the long wait! I hope you'll like this chapter :)
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS!!!
> 
> Thanks!!

“Remember when we first met?” Jisung tried for the thousandth time already.

They had been arguing for a while now. Hours probably… Jisung kept asking him questions like this one, but none of the answers Felix gave seemed to be satisfying.

“At school? Yeah, we were in the same class, and you were even louder than you are now,” Felix huffed.

“What? No?! We didn’t meet there! Come on, Felix, help me a bit here,” Jisung insisted.

“You’re talking nonsense. I’m supposed to be the crazy one here,” Felix replied.

Jisung looked over Felix’s body and winced at the sight. The younger boy was still strapped to the mental hospital’s bed, kept under heavy supervision. At least he was doing much better than the past days, they were even able to converse normally.

“Why did they even let you in?” Felix asked then. “You shouldn’t be here, with me... Shouldn't you be with the others? I thought the nurse said I was allowed only limited time with visitors since... since what happened with Hyunjin. But you've been here for hours...”

“Yeah, well…”

“At least, can you... Can you unstrap me? I don’t like being here, stuck in this damn bed.”

“I can’t…”

“Jisung, please," Felix insisted, with a shaky voice. "I want to move around freely and... and I want to see the others, know that they are alright too.”

“Felix…”

“Please! Please, unstrap me!” Felix continued. “I-I hate this… I want to get out of here,” tears started to fall down his already puffy eyes.

Felix was truly reaching his limit of patience. Jisung had a pained expression, but hesitated to come closer. Was he scared of him? Or was it because of something else?

“I… Felix, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Please,” Felix begged, and Jisung just couldn’t refuse anymore.

He slowly walked up to Felix’s bed and extended his arm toward the closest strap. He wanted to get Felix out of here too, he wanted him to go back to their friends. They all needed to get back together, they needed each other’s presence now more than ever, he knew it, deep down.

But Jisung also felt a deep fear at the thought of touching that strap.

Just as his fingers were about to brush the strap, someone entered the room. He stepped back suddenly.

“You have 15 minutes,” the nurse told the pale figure walking in.

It was Chan. Jisung relaxed a bit, before he had a better look at him.

He looked terrible, as if the life had been sucked out of him almost completely. It was a sad view. When his eyes met Felix’s, intense emotions passed over his face before he looked away and smiled slightly, walking a little closer to the bed and bringing a chair closer so he could sit.

“Hey, Felix. It’s, hum… It’s good to see you awake.” Chan’s voice was rough, tired, but still so damn comforting to Felix.

“Chan… What’s going on? Where are the others? I-Is it true? Am I schizophrenic?” Felix was starting to panic as he threw all these questions at him.

He had been talking to Jisung for hours now, but he just couldn’t get any answer out of him. Jisung just kept talking like he had lost his mind too, saying that something was wrong with them all, more than just their symptoms. Felix wanted to know more about said symptoms, but Jisung wouldn’t tell him anything about it, just that they were all a bit in a situation similar to Felix. After he had learned this, Felix had started to really worry about the others too.

What was happening to them exactly?

Where were they?

Were they safe?

“Yes… That’s what the doctors said. They don’t know exactly what triggered it, and how to treat it yet, but they are doing their best to help you.”

Felix didn’t feel much more reassured. He wanted Chan to tell him that everything was going to be ok, that they would all be…

“What about the others? And you?”

Chan stayed silent for a long moment. Felix's eyes flickered to Jisung who remained silent in the corner of the room. He just kept looking sadly at Chan.

“Felix… You should focus on yourself right now…”

“Chan, please, don’t leave me in the dark.”

Chan sighed and it hurt Felix to see his expression become even sadder and more exhausted.

“Ok…” He agreed despite the pain it caused him to inform Felix of all they had been through while he was held here.

Felix was part of their group of friends, their own chosen family, he deserved the truth. He did a quick summary of their conditions, except for one of them. Chan kept his eyes on the ground, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to say any of this while looking at the younger Aussie and seeing the deep pain and despair he felt himself in his eyes as well.

“No…” Felix finally let out, feeling as though these awful news were hurting him physically. “A-and what about Jisung? He won’t tell me anything…” Felix said motioning to said boy.

This too… He had to tell him… That was why he had come here in the first place.

“Jisung… Jisung isn’t with us anymore,” he let out, a heavy and painful knot forming in his throat, making his voice waver.

“What?” Felix frowned, confused.

“There was a fire… in our dorm,” Chan started, fighting against the aching knot in his throat to say each word. It still felt so unreal, but the pain reminded him that it was in fact real. “He inhaled too much smoke.” It was so hard, incredibly agonizing… But he couldn’t hide it. Felix needed to know. It took him a few seconds before he finally let out the terrible news. “He’s… He’s dead,” Chan broke down once again.

He wanted to be strong for Felix, to stop crying, but it hurt too much. It was the worst pain he had ever felt, and it wasn’t fading away at all. It had only been a day or two, he couldn’t really tell… But after having cried this much, he hoped he wouldn’t still be suffering so awfully.

“Wait… No, Jisung…” Felix looked at Jisung in the corner, he was there, standing, looking hurt and confused. “He’s here. He’s just there, in the corner!”

Chan wiped his tears, now visibly concerned, before he looked around the room, clearly not seeing Jisung at all while doing so.

“Felix… There’s only the two of us in this room,” Chan stated.

“Wha… No! He’s right there! Jisung, tell him!” Felix started to panic again. It couldn’t be in his head, right?

But then he remembered that, in fact, it could truly be in his head… He had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Allucinations were a symptom, right?

“Felix… He’s not here. I-I saw his body, and he’s gone….” Chan kept crying.

“Chan…” Jisung tried, finally reacting and trying to comfort his grieving friend, making him realize that he was just there, still alive with them, but as he was about to grab Chan’s shoulder, his hand just passed right through him.

Jisung and Felix both froze for a long moment, troubled by what they had just witnessed.

And then realization hit them.

Jisung was truly gone…

—

[TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm]

Seungmin felt a light pain on his arm, but it didn’t matter, he wanted it. He couldn’t stop, he needed to get his mind away from the stress no matter what, so he focused on the movement of his nails on his skin and the somehow relieving but painful sensation it created.

Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch…

Woojin had been gone for a while now, was he ok?

Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch…

Hyunjin hadn’t come back. What if something had happened to him? What if he was right, and they were all going to die? Who would be next?

Scratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratch…

Would they really all die? Would he too? They couldn’t stop it… There was nothing they could do… Their fates were sealed. They were doomed.

SCRATCHSCRATCHSCRATCHSCRATCHSCRATCHSCRATCHSCRATCHSCRATCH…

“Seungmin! Stop!” Woojin exclaimed, taking Seungmin back to reality right away.

He looked confused at Woojin’s shocked and concerned expression for a moment, but then felt a warm wetness on his fingers. He brought them in front of his eyes and realized they were covered in blood.

Woojin walked up to him, taking a clean white cloth near them and putting it on Seungmin’s arm right away. Seungmin winced at the stinging pain this time. Oh… It really hurts…

Woojin turned to look at Minho, about to ask why he hadn’t stopped Seungmin, but he was sitting in the corner of the room, curled on himself with his eyes closed tightly and his hands on his ears, desperately trying to shelter himself from what had become to him an everlastingly dreadful world. Woojin couldn’t blame him… Minho was struggling too. Certainly a lot more than they could see.

“Come with me… You need to get this treated,” Woojin said to Seungmin and they left the room to go look for a nurse.

Seungmin felt sorry for what he had done to himself and how it affected Woojin. They were all getting worse.

It would never stop. Not until they all lied 6 feet underground.

Seungmin couldn't keep up, he collapsed, struggling to breathe once again.

Everything was hopeless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say that Amber Liu is a goddess? I love her soooo much <3 
> 
> Also, I'm addicted to Seventeen's new MV: fear. I was not yet a Carat, but then they just wrecked my bias list completely... I mean, my fangirl-heart almost couldn't handle all the love I felt for them while watching it... Special mentions :  
> \- Mingyu is out of this world (how could I have ever not realized that?? Was I just blind all this time??)  
> \- Vernon can ruin me any-fucking-time... plz...  
> \- Woozi is so handsome and talented T_T  
> They are really good. I strongly suggest you stan them too :)


	16. Agony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!! 
> 
> Things are getting even worse (my poor boys...). 
> 
> Just so you guys know, I will most likely write two or more endings, so there will definitely be a happy ending to heal your soul (and a bad one to destroy it if you like anghst and suffering as much as I do). 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> NOTE : I WILL PROBABLY EDIT THIS CHAPTER AS I FEEL I HAVEN'T SPENT ENOUGH TIME ON IT...
> 
> Thanks!!

Hyunjin winced as he pulled up his shirt to look at the main source of his physical discomfort. He had spent the night wandering the streets sobering up. It had been a real pain… Literally.

He had had a hard time breathing since the fight, his ribs aching more and more as the numbing effect of alcohol left his body.

He hadn’t realized that the dizziness he felt then was not solely caused by the alcohol. But now, looking at the dark bruise covering almost all the right part of his chest, he couldn’t deny that he might actually really be in trouble.

Shit… After the scene he had caused the day before, how could he get back to his friends looking like this? They already had so much to worry about.

And now Hyunjin was annoyed at himself. He shouldn’t have said those things to them and left them like he had… He was one of the least affected by whatever was happening to them, and yet he just went out alone, drank like there was no tomorrow to drown his sorrow, and fought with some dudes. That last part was now pretty fuzzy, but he remembered the pain well…

Still preferred that pain to… to losing Jisung.

That had happened too. Despite everything, Hyunjin hadn’t been able to forget about it, not even appease the ache in his heart.

A knock on the gas station's bathroom door brought him back to reality, and he just then noticed that he had been standing there, staring at himself in the mirror for a while, but not really seeing himself.

All that he could see were shadows… full of pain, grief and loss.

Full of anxiety and fear…

Of death…

—

_It hurt! It hurt so much!_

_J-just make it stop!_

_Please…._

Tears fell down his cheeks as he helplessly lied there, tubes stuck in his throat, pain all over his body, unable to move, except for his eyes, fingers and toes…

The only sounds that escaped his mouth were whimpers and low cries, but he was trying his best not to sob, because it only caused more pain in his chest, where the worst of it was.

The nurse that was just checking on him looked apologetic, but there wasn’t much she could do, he knew it, he had understood them all when they had explained in which situation he was stuck, how they had barely saved him for the second time now, how he was growingly getting resistant to the anesthetic, causing him to progressively get unaffected by it, and so how he ended up in this nightmarish state…

He hated it so much. His friends hadn’t visited so far either. He was scared, hurting and lonely.

He forced his mind to wander elsewhere, not thinking of the awful situation he was in, but he found himself faced with even more anxiety when he ended up thinking about his friends again, but especially Felix.

What had happened to him? Was he alright?

The memories of the last time he had been aware were so incredibly foggy. He hated it... He just wanted to stop feeling anything. 

“Changbin?” A soft voice asked.

Changbin almost broke down in a sobbing and hurting mess when he recognized the person nearing his bed.

 _Minho_ …

He felt relieved, but it didn’t last long. Minho was looking awful, as if scared and heavily depressive at the same time. How did he end up like this? What had happened to him?

Minho walked hesitantly closer.

“I-I can’t stay long, sorry…” He started, taking Changbin’s hand in his softly, making Changbin realize that he had been wrong, that he wanted to feel at least this, the warmth of a dear friend.

“I hope you’ll get better, unlike… Well, unlike me and the others…”

Changbin's heart broke at the information he was given, and at the clear strain in his voice. Minho smiled softly, a tear falling down the side of his face before he left silently. Changbin had rarely seen Minho cry. He wasn't one to show his emotions easily. It was deeply troubling and Changbin felt even more anxious. He moaned for him to stay as loud as he could, but it only hurt him and brought a disgusting iron taste inside his mouth. He wanted him to keep holding his hand, to explain what was happening, to just stay…

But he left without looking back.

_It hurt…. It hurt so damn much…_

—

Woojin just got back to Jeongin’s room, exhausted and truly starting to get hopeless. Now, Seungmin was also given some anesthetic, although in small doses, but Woojin was not explained why yet. The doctor wanted to meet with him, Hyunjin, Chan and Minho. Well... at least, they were taking care of Seungmin too. He needed it. His anxiety was truly getting out of control.

In fact, all their symptoms seemed to be getting out of control, except for Woojin's… Maybe he was already struggling enough with trying to be there for everyone that this had become his true curse in the end. Seeing them all hurt and suffer while being unable to help them… What a horrible affliction…

When he entered the room, he was surprised to see Chan there already.

“Hey…” He greeted him as warmly as he could.

Chan lifted his eyes off Jeongin’s unconscious form and smiled tiredly at Woojin. The latter hesitated before continuing…

“How did it go?”

Chan let out a heavy sigh and looked away.

“Felix... He was hallucinating. He kept saying that Jisung was there with us, until... until he just started crying and screaming things I couldn't understand. The doctors tried everything, but they are out of options. They don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Oh…”

“Anyway... Where are Seungmin and Minho? Did Hyunjin come back?”

Woojin frowned and looked around, realizing just now that Minho was not here.

“Oh, you two, I need to talk to you, and your other friends….” The doctor announced as soon as he entered the room, taking them both by surprise. He checked his papers to remember the names of the missing people he wanted to meet as well. “Minho and Hyunjin?”

“There’s only the two of us right now,” Woojin answered, but couldn’t stop thinking about Minho, concerned, knowing that he would probably be even worse outside this room.

“Then, I’ll talk to the two of you first. It is quite important.”

Woojin and Chan shared an uneasy glance, and then followed the doctor to his office.

They knew they wouldn’t hear good news.

_It was so damn agonizing…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys... Wherever Stray Kids will go the closest to my hometown when they do their world tour, I will go see them, that's for sure T_T!!!!!!!!!


	17. Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Here's a new painful chapter. I had to rearrange a few things in what's coming up in this fic, so it took a lot of thinking and rewriting... Now things are all well planned! 
> 
> Anyway, "enjoy" this chapter <3
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! :)
> 
> Thanks!!

“You will be placed under quarantine. Your friend, Felix, will also be transferred here to be under our supervision as well. Your case is particular… Your friends are getting resistant to the medication we give them.”

“How?” Woojin exclaimed, shocked.

“We don’t know. I must admit that this is the first time in my career that I’ve seen such a thing on a scale this severe.”

“Severe…” Chan repeated, a bit absent-mindedly. 

The doctor sighed and took off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose before continuing in a tired but still compassionate tone.

“Let me be completely honest with you. At this rate, if we don’t find what’s happening to your friends and a way to cure them soon… they won’t last long.”

They knew it.

They could see it clearly.

Yet, it still felt like they were being stabbed in their heart.

How would they survive losing another one of their friends in such a short time?

—

Seungmin saw Minho walk out of the hospital, but he was too high on medication to call out to him or think anything about it.

The nurse didn’t notice him leaving, she just kept pushing Seungmin’s wheelchair back to Jeongin’s room.

He needed rest…

—

Chan called his mother, again…

And again…

And again…

But he got no answer, nothing, just the damn voicemail. He was tired of all this… Of not being able to do a thing to help, of not even being able to talk to his parents about what was happening, of seeing his friends dying right before his eyes, of still being unable to sleep…

He was tired of everything.

“Please leave a message after…”

Chan let out a profound roar before throwing his cellphone on the wall in front of him.

What was the point anyway?! What did he expect?! That everything would just get better?! He was so damn naive…

He stumbled back a bit, stunned by his own rage and despair. His back hit the wall behind him and he let himself fall to the ground as he looked at the destroyed object on the ground. He stayed this way, waiting for the storm of emotions inside him to calm down. 

He was finally brought back to reality when he was handed a cup of coffee. 

“There… It's decaffeinated,” Woojin said with a sad smile. 

Chan hadn’t even noticed him. He took the cup of coffee with trembling hands and Woojin settled down beside him.

“How do you do that?” Chan mumbled, looking at the coffee, as if he was talking to it. “How can you stay strong?”

“I’m not… I’m like you: hurt, scared, tired… It’s hard for me too, but I’m not alone and I guess that’s what's keeping me going at this point.”

Woojin’s answer triggered something in himself then and he stood up. He went straight back to Jeongin’s room, Chan following close behind, curious and anxious.

Seungmin had been placed in a bed next to Jeongin’s and was sleeping soundly. Jeongin was still unconscious, but otherwise, there was no one else.

“Minho and Hyunjin still aren’t back…” He let out softly as fear gripped at his heart, knowing that they were alone somewhere. They needed to stay together, now more than ever, yet two of their friends were missing.

Woojin got his phone out right away and called Minho, but it fell instantly on the voicemail. Damn it…

He called Hyunjin right after.

“Hey?”

Hearing Hyunjin’s hesitant and tired voice never felt so good. He was so relieved to have reached him so easily. He had expected things to be complicated, as everything seemed to be these days.

“Where are you? We’re worried!” Woojin reprimanded him, his mother-like personality taking over.

“Sorry…”

“Just come back already then! With everything that’s already happening…” Woojin didn’t continue his sentence, no words were needed to express the fear they all felt. “We need you here, with us.”

“Alright… I’m on my way,” Hyunjin agreed right away, as if he had been waiting just for that. “I’m sorry… for what I said yesterday. And for leaving, and worrying you. I just don’t feel like myself lately,” Hyunjin let out the words quickly, as if, if he took too long, the courage to say it all would just suddenly disappear.

Woojin was glad that he was apologizing and that he had agreed so easily. It hadn’t been simple to deal with him lately, but maybe the time he spent alone did him good.

“It’s alright. Just… try not to do this again, ok?”

Hyunjin agreed, relief clear in his voice. They ended their call, and now Woojin was back to the remaining issue.

“Hyunjin is on his way here," he told Chan. 

"Then, let's look for Minho, maybe someone in this hospital has seen him around." 

—

“Felix, you have to focus on me! Stop trashing, you’re only hurting yourself!” Jisung screamed at him desperately.

The voice was back.

_“Run! Get away fffffrom them! Run before they ssssssstrap you on the bed again!”_

“Shut up! Just shut up already!” Felix screamed. 

“Focus on me!” Jisung tried vainly.

Felix let out a weird laugh followed by a sob. This was... This was just too much for him. 

“Here. Ready?” The doctor asked over him.

Felix was then lifted off his bed and put on a stretcher on which he was quickly strapped again.

_“You fffailed. You ffffailed again…”_

“Goawaygoawaygoaway! GO AWAY!!” Felix screamed his voice raw as he started hitting his head on the stretcher underneath him, trying to just make everything stop. The voice, Jisung’s hallucination, the doctors, everything…

He was really crazy.

The truth was too much to handle.

He felt like his whole body couldn’t sustain more of his new reality. It was so tempting… so damn tempting, to just listen to the damn voice, telling him to escape, no matter how, even if it meant death. He was trying so hard not to listen, but it was so loud and… and he truly wanted to escape too.

Desperate sobs escaped his throat as his head was also strapped to the bed, seeing as they had no choice for his own safety.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry Felix. If I could do something to help, I would, you know it, right?”

“Go away,” Felix pleaded weakly.

Jisung was dead. This was not real. And it hurt so damn much more than anything. Why was his mind so cruel? Making him see his lost friend, so close, so real, but unable to really do anything other than prove how crazy he had really become.

Jisung seemed conflicted.

“I-I can’t.”

Another heavy sob escaped Felix’s lips at Jisung’s answer.

“You need me, and I need you. If no one else sees me, how will you tell them about the truth?”

“Stop…”

“Please, listen to me, Felix. I’m not lying!” Jisung tried.

A wail escaped Felix then, and Jisung was out of resources. He couldn’t hold his friend’s hand to comfort him or reassure him that he was real, because… because he wasn’t. He was a ghost at best, or really Felix’s hallucination at worst.

“I’m sorry…”

The words escaped Jisung’s mouth softly as Felix was taken away.

—

Minho knew everything was messed up, nothing was as it was supposed to be. Something was just not right. Something was missing.

Jisung…

Jisung was missing, but there was something else. He had let his feet lead him, following his heart, giving life a chance to make things right one last time, but it only brought him to the mental hospital where Felix had been in the past couple of days. He stayed there for a long moment, simply standing in the grass in front of the mental hospital, wondering what to do. Should he talk to Felix? Was it really what he needed?

He hesitated. He knew what had happened with him, he knew of the screams and madness. Could he really face that in his actual state? No, there was no way.

He sighed deeply and looked down at his trembling hands, tears starting to fall down his cheeks.

That was it then? He… He couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t want to be scared and hurt anymore. He just… He just wanted to leave… escape from reality…

So, he walked away from the mental hospital.

He didn't know where else to go, but at the same time he knew exactly the place he had to go back to.

—

Something wasn’t right. Well, nothing had felt right lately, but, thinking back to the conversation he had had with Hyunjin just a few minutes ago, Woojin felt like something was really off, like he had missed something.

But before his thoughts escalated too much, Chan came back looking truly concerned.

“He’s not in the hospital, they can’t find him anywhere.”

“Where could he have gone?” Woojin asked partly to himself, and partly to Chan.

“I don’t know… Maybe the dorm? T-that’s where…” Chan started, but a painful stab made him suddenly silent.

Talking about the fire and Jisung just hurt too much. It was still an open wound, especially to Chan and Minho.

“Let’s go,” Woojin decided then and they left, hoping with their whole heart that he was safe and sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SuperM are too good for my own good... T_T I love them so much and I hope they'll get as big and popular as they deserve! <3


	18. Unmoving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey dear readers!! 
> 
> This chapter hurts. Everything hurts. My heart... :) 
> 
> Also, I'm sorry for this long wait... I was caught up in life and in my new ship : Chanbaek ^.^ (I'll probably write a fic about them soon btw). Anyway, I hope you'll survive this chapter! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Painful, right? :) 
> 
> On another note, Kpop is ruining me... I bought SuperM's and Ateez's new albums, and pre-ordered Stray Kids's, Monsta X's and Day 6's new albums :) But how can I resist them?! They are all soooo increbly talented, damn it T_T

Minho looked at the sunset, its beautiful mix of colours painting the sky and clouds, making it all look dreamy.

He was on a sidewalk by a river, looking at the sight in front of him. The last rays of sunshine making the water sparkle under him, as wind blew in his hair…

And then, he was startled, once again, when a car passed behind him, taking him violently out of his short peace.

He was tired.

He missed when he didn’t feel so scared all the time, when his friends were doing fine, when Jisung was still by his side, as lively as ever, smiling his usual gummy smile at any dumb thing.

Life was fun then… Then? Time had been a weird thing lately. Nights and days blended together and their routines, and entire lives, had been turned upside-down.

Now that he thought about it, he couldn’t even recall his old routine. He guessed he woke up, got his turn in the bathroom, then ate breakfast and went to school.

School… What was he studying again? Performing arts or dance maybe?

Wait… When was the last time he had danced? He couldn’t even clearly tell. It felt like it had been just yesterday, but it couldn’t be, clearly. Everything that had happened had taken at least a week.

Another car passed behind him and Minho backed away from the railing separating him from the river, holding his head as strange flashes of memories started going through his mind.

_Him and his friends dancing together in a studio._

_Changbin rapping on a stage while they were dancing behind him._

When… What? Was he also going crazy now?

_Him and his friends laughing when they all roasted Jisung in an interview._

An interview?

He kept backing away, shaking his head in disbelief, trying to flee from this unpleasant experience.

Where were those memories all coming from?

_“Are you scared? Hold onto me.” Jisung’s voice came out clearly through the confusing memories._

Another memory flashed in his mind…

_Him and his friends hugging each other as they won an award._

When did that happen? What was the award again? It felt so real…

_“Oh Lee Know! Lee Know!” Chan cheered on him, the others joining in messily._

Wait.

Lee Know?

He remembered now.

Everything was wrong! He needed to tell Chan and the others, he needed…

“MINHO!”

He turned around only to be faced with car lights.

—

Chan stayed frozen there for a couple of seconds, but it felt like hours, not hearing a thing anymore and unable to move.

There was blood on the ground, and… and…

“M-Minho…” He choked out, taking a step forward and then another until he was running to the unmoving form on the ground, only a few metres away from him. He had been so close to save him… And yet he had failed again...

They had just found him minutes ago and parked the car on the other side of the bridge to go get him by feet. And just when they were running to him, he had started walking backwards, looking afraid and confused, and then... Chan had tried to scream his name, to warn him, but in the end it had been for nothing... a car had hit him.

Chan dropped down on his knees beside him and his trembling hands hovered over his friend’s wounded body, until they started to caress his hair hesitantly. Woojin was there in seconds as well, as lost and shocked as Chan.

Minho remained unmoving, completely still, blood staining his body in multiple places. The sight was unbearable…

“Help… Help! Someone call an ambulance!” Woojin cried out, tears pouring down his face already.

“P-please… Please not you too…” Chan whimpered.

But they both knew… Minho was gone. The way his skin was already becoming growingly cold under Chan’s fingers, the way woojin didn’t find a pulse when he searched for it on his wrist…

And it hurt.

It was so damn painful.

It felt like the invisible knife already stabbing their hearts since Jisung’s death was now being twisted.

And there was no stopping it. It kept on making them suffer, cutting their airway, making it hard for them to breathe or do anything other than stay there, crying endlessly, by their unmoving friend’s side, unable to leave him, even if he was already gone.

They could only wail and curse life as the scene was drowned in the ambulance’s sirens.

—

Felix’s stretcher was rolled across the hospital to the part assigned to their quarantine. He was anxious, but at least he had calmed down a bit from when he was taken out of the Mental Hospital.

Jisung’s hallucination kept following them, but the voice was gone again at least.

He was brought into a room and placed in the corner near the window. When everyone left, vainly assuring him that he would be alright and that they would finish tending to him soon, his eyes widened when he noticed another presence across from him in the opposite corner of the room. He recognized him right away, despite the distance separating them and Felix’s inability to move his head because of the strap keeping it in place.

Seungmin…

Tears started to fall down his eyes. He couldn’t tell if they were happy tears or not, since he was seeing him again in such a situation. Seungmin was unconscious and surrounded by medical equipment. Felix knew that it meant his condition was also concerning now.

Felix noticed soon enough that Jisung was also looking at the bed in front of his.

“Who is it?” Felix asked hesitantly.

“Jeongin,” Jisung answered sadly.

“How is he?”

Jisung gulped at that and it took him a moment before he could answer.

“Skinny… No, more like bony, a-and pale.”

“What’s happening to him? To all of us?”

Jisung looked back at Felix, almost hopeful. Was he finally listening to him?

“Felix, you have to…”

He was cut off by the doctors coming back in and taking care of Felix, making sure that he was comfortable, but secured and strapped correctly as well. They inserted needles and placed other equipment around him.

“Everything is in place. A nurse will come by your room regularly as well as your assigned doctor. If there is anything, don’t hesitate to tell us,” the doctor said.

“Where are the others? Where are my friends?” Felix couldn’t help but ask.

“They’ll surely be here soon. We informed them of your arrival and of the current situation, but it seems like they have left the hospital for now,” the doctor seemed to be unhappy at the information he was giving. “Well… I’ll let you rest for now, Felix.”

The doctor left and Felix stayed silent for a long moment, staring at the ceiling, thinking. Seungmin and Jeongin were in the same room as him. Jisung was dead. He had seen Chan.

Now, that meant he hadn’t seen Hyunjin, Woojin, Minho and Changbin yet.

Oh… With everything that had happened, he had forgotten how precarious the latter’s condition was, but now the worries were all coming back at once.

“C-Changbin? Is he…?” Felix asked Jisung.

“I don’t know.”

“Can you go have a look? You’re supposed to be… some kind of ghost or whatever, so you should be able to.”

“I-I don’t know, Felix.”

“Jisung, please!” Felix insisted.

“I’m scared too!” Jisung let out then, surprising Felix. “What if I come back and you can’t see me anymore? What if… What if he’s dying or in pain? I won’t be able to help! I can’t handle that!”

Felix stared at him for a long moment, thinking it all through. Right… Jisung could also disappear for good, and even if a part of him wanted him to do just that, another more sensible part of him wanted him to stay, no matter if he was a ghost or a hallucination.

“The others will certainly get there soon. Ask them then?” Jisung offered apologetically.

Felix agreed silently. He had no choice anyway…


	19. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> It's really hard to post this small chapter with Woojin's departure from the group... And now even Wonho left Monsta X... I'm just really sad at the moment.  
> Anyway, I hope the best in the future for Woojin and he will always remain a Stray Kids member in my heart <3 Thank you so much, Woojin, for all you've done for us, Stays... 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!
> 
> Thanks!!

Felix couldn’t ask them about Changbin.

When Chan and Woojin finally came back, they looked completely devastated. He didn’t even dare greet them, even if every fiber in his body wanted so badly to attract their attention, so they would tell him comforting words. But he knew that there was probably no such thing as comforting words now. When Chan’s eyes met Felix’s, the boy could see him sink deeper in his distressing state.

“Oh, Felix… I-I… I’ll be back, ok? I just need some time alone…” He barely let out before he was gone again.

Woojin didn’t follow him and walked up to Felix with a small smile, but it wasn’t hiding any of his inner pain. Felix could easily tell, especially with the sadness still clear in his reddened eyes.

“Hey, Felix…” Woojin greeted him tentatively as his eyes scanned the room.

“Woojin… The others…” Felix started, desperate to know what was happening, but mostly to be comforted, even if it was one tiny reassurance, he just needed it so badly right now.

Woojin frowned as he looked around the room once more, clearly looking for something missing. His attention was brought back to Felix a moment later, but the latter could still see that he was stressing over whatever was missing right now.

“Don’t worry too much about it ok? Everyone’s trying their best… even… even if it’s hard, we’ll get through it somehow,” his voice broke at the end, but he coughed to hide it and changed subject right away. “Did you see Hyunjin? Did he get back?” Now Woojin’s tone was truly anxious, and that completely annihilated the comforting words he had said just seconds ago.

So, it was Hyunjin that Woojin was searching for in the room... Felix had a bad feeling about this. Everything was just crumbling down around them and Hyunjin was supposedly missing now? Damn it…

“No,” Felix answered, concerned. “Why? What’s going on with him?”

Woojin caressed the boy’s hair with a shaky hand and gave him a weak smile.

“I’m sorry, Felix… I really have to go right now, but I’ll tell you everything once I’m back. Get some more rest while I’m away, ok?”

“Wait, no… Don’t go,” Felix pleaded with scared eyes.

He didn’t want to be alone with Jisung anymore. He wanted to feel warm and safe again, be with someone that was clearly doing better than anyone else in their group of friends so he could still hope for better days.

“I’ll be back, ok?”

Then Woojin quickly took out his phone and left the room, taking Chan’s car keys with him at the same time.

Felix and Jisung’s gaze met and now Jisung couldn’t help but follow Woojin. They needed answers, and seeing him in such a state was too unnerving.

Jisung tried to catch up to him, but then his eyes caught something has he passed by a hallway.

Chan… He was sitting on the ground, crying heavily, but there was someone else. And Jisung had been waiting to see this person again so desperately that he couldn’t help but stop following Woojin to make sure that he was truly seeing him.

“Minho…” Jisung breathed, happy to see him, but also sad that he couldn’t really comfort either of his friends in these hard times.

But, to his surprise, Minho turned around when he heard his name.

“Jisung?!” Minho exclaimed as soon as their eyes met, and there was so much relief, but also pain in his voice.

Jisung remained silent for a long moment, confused and then it all clicked in his head…

Minho was also dead.

-

Woojin didn’t wait long for Hyunjin to answer his call, but he knew something was probably wrong…

“Hey, hyung,” Hyunjin greeted him, his voice even more tired and strained than earlier.

“Hyunjin, where are you? Why aren’t you back? At least tell me you’re ok!”

There was silence on the other end of the phone, and after a long pause he finally answered.

“I-I don’t know about that last part…” He admitted.

“What? What’s going on?”

“I-I fought with some guys last night, and I think I might have internal bleeding or something,” Hyunjin told him.

The fact that he hadn’t tried to hide the truth when Woojin had asked made everything even more concerning.

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier!? Where are you right now?”

“Hyung…”

“Just tell me where you are!”

He was desperate. He needed to bring him back to the hospital, to save him and protect him… They had lost so much already.

“Ok, ok… I’m at the gas station near the dorms,” Woojin heard him cough wetly and then let out a small curse.

“Hyunjin?” Woojin asked worriedly.

“Hyung… I’m not feeling so good,” he admitted. “I think… I think it’s pretty bad. I can’t get back up.”

Woojin’s heart dropped. Please, no… Not again, not so soon…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this chapter was so small... 
> 
> I hope you're all doing ok <3 
> 
> Stay strong STAYS!


	20. Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!! 
> 
> Sorry for the wait, I swear I'm trying my best to update faster, but I'm feeling low on energy these days :( Anyway, here's another painful chapter! Hope you like it :) 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! <3
> 
> Thanks!!

Hyunjin winced at the uncomfortable pressure in his ribs. He knew, deep down, that he didn’t have long left. He looked up at the sky and smiled slightly. It was ok. He was ok with that...

With dying.

“Hyunjin? Keep talking to me!” Woojin demanded on the other side of the phone.

Hyunjin couldn’t help but enjoy not being completely lonely as he felt his strength and consciousness growingly slip away from him.

“I’m on my way!”

“No, hyung don’t…” Hyunjin tried, but he found himself suddenly breathless.

He was starting to get really weak. Holding the phone was tiring, and even talking required quite a lot out of him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there soon!”

“Y-you can’t…” He tried.

Hyunjin didn’t want Woojin to come, partly because he didn’t want him to find him like this, but mostly because he was worried about him. They needed to be together, take care of each other, protect each other, but if Woojin was coming alone like he sounded he was doing, then he was certainly putting himself in danger.

“Your vision…”

Hyunjin heard Woojin close the door of the car at the same time, and he knew he would have to repeat himself because he hadn’t heard.

“Don’t drive…” He tried again.

“Hyunjin… You’re a hypocrite,” Woojin replied then. “You worry about others, I know it even if your way of showing it is not the best, a-and then you go away on your own, and get hurt, and only call when things are bad…”

Hyunjin could hear a painful waver in his voice, as if he was crying. He smiled sadly at the sky, a few tears falling down his face.

“S-sorry, hyung,” he cried back.

“If you’re really sorry, then hold on a little longer for me, ok? I’ll be right there, and we’ll be on our way to the hospital before you know it.”

“Hyung… I don’t… I don’t think that… it works this way,” he let out a small sorrowful laugh as he struggled to breathe more and more.

“Please…” Woojin insisted.

“Ok… I’ll try.”

“Thank you.”

Hyunjin didn’t know what to say at this point. What could he even say?

“Woojin-hyung… I miss everyone… so much.”

“I know, I feel the same,” he answered, and Hyunjin could hear the heavy emotions in his friend’s voice, everything coming together in a heavy nostalgia for gone days that had been only a little more than a week ago.

“I wanted… everyone to… get back to the dorm… together.”

“Me too.” Woojin’s voice was strained now as he clearly hardly contained his tears.

“The dorm… Jisung…” Hyunjin couldn’t continue, but he didn’t need to.

They would never get back to normal. Woojin couldn’t help it then. Someone else would never get to go back to the dorm with them…

“Minho…” The name escaped his lips, just as tears started to fall down his cheeks again, and a heavy sob shook his whole body.

“Oh…” Hyunjin answered simply, but the heaviness of the emotions and sadness suddenly washing over him made it impossible to say anything else for a long moment.

“Hyunjin, I’m right there, just hold on a bit more!” Woojin told him, but then a shiver travelled all over Hyunjin's body and he let his arm fall to the ground, unable to hold the phone up anymore.

His vision was darkening and he was feeling cold… So cold…

He had reached his limit, it seemed.

And Woojin was too late.

—

Woojin pulled in the driveway of the gas station way too fast. The car came to an abrupt stop, tires screeching as he finally spotted Hyunjin at the rear of the building, slumped against the wall and a dumpster.

Woojin was out in seconds screaming for help as he reached Hyunjin’s unresponsive form.

“Come on… You can't do that to me! Please!” He pleaded as he took Hyunjin’s face in his hands, but he got no answer from him. “Shit!”

People were coming to help but, there was no time. Woojin took him in his arms and carried him quickly to the car, putting him in the backseat and leaving in seconds.

His whole body was a trembling mess as he sped up on the road, hardly following any road security rules. He kept looking back, talking to Hyunjin, hoping that he would just get some reaction at least. Just a sign of hope…

He passed by many cars faster and faster as he drove on the highway leading to the hospital.

“Come on, come on, come on!”

He was so close. He looked back again behind him, Hyunjin still lied there, motionless, looking abnormally pale and peaceful. A desperate sob escaped Woojin’s lips as he turned back to look at the road.

And then he knew. He knew that it was the end.

The end for the both of them. 

For days, he had been fine… No symptom or whatever…

But now his vision was completely dark.

Before he could even try to slow down, he bumped into something and then everything just became a blind chaos around him.

—

Changbin looked at the nurse checking on his vitals. Before she could leave, he weakly grabbed her wrist with the tiny bit of energy he had in him. She turned back to look at him, the same apologetic look in her eyes as always. He kept eye contact with her as he softly put her hand down on the bed, and then, with his finger, he slowly wrote the deepest plea in his heart on her skin.

Her eyes widened and became watery when she understood his demand.

He was peaceful with his choice though.

He couldn’t take it anymore. The pain, the weakness, the whole feeling of unwellness, the loneliness… He was tired of it. It had been a few days, since he had woken up, and he had had enough already. It would kill him in the end, he knew it, so why should he remain in this agonizing situation any longer?

 _Kill me,_ he had written.

If only she could answer his last demand in this world…

He closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep, so he wouldn’t have to feel anything at least until he woke up again, and hoping that he would get to dream of his friends as they were before he ended up in the hospital.

He missed them so much…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please go vote for Stray Kids for the popularity award for the Asian Artist Awards daily!! <3 Show them love and support!


	21. Distant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> I wish I had the energy to write and update this fic more often, but I promise I will not abandon it! 
> 
> Anyway, we're still suffering... The upcoming chapter might be less heavy than the last ones, if that helps any of you get through this fic. :) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!! 
> 
> LEAVE A COMMENT PLEASE <3

Woojin pried his eyes open, fighting the headache and all-over agony.

What had happened? He was driving…

Hyunjin… Right, Hyunjin needed help!

He choked at the metallic taste in his mouth and winced at the pain it caused in his chest. That wasn’t good… not at all… Yet he couldn’t care about himself, not when Hyunjin needed to get to the hospital right away.

He looked at the back of the car and found him lying there, almost falling out of his seat, surrounded by pieces of broken glass. Woojin needed to get him out. He turned back around and was about to undo his seatbelt when he noticed how truly dire the situation was. The front of the car had been crushed, and his legs were now stuck underneath the compressed metal of the destroyed vehicle. His breathing quickened and he found himself panicking as he tried desperately to lift the metal up, grunting loudly as he used almost all of his remaining strength against the stubborn mass. It just wouldn’t budge!

After a long moment, he turned back to look desperately at Hyunjin.

This was a nightmare, this wasn’t real, it couldn’t be…

Hyunjin needed his help. They both needed help.

“Someone! Please!”

He screamed his voice raw for someone to get them out of the car, feeling the stinging pain in his chest worsen at every cry, at every heavy sob escaping his lips. After a few long seconds, he forced himself to calm down a bit.

Everything hurt, but at least he wasn’t alone, right? Hyunjin was there…

In an attempt to prove himself that he truly wasn’t alone, Woojin painfully extended his arm toward Hyunjin, taking his hand as a form of comfort for the both of them, but… Hyunjin’s hand was abnormally cold and stiff, and… and it didn’t feel like him at all.

Hyunjin was… he was gone?

It took Woojin a couple of seconds before he got back to reality, hardly accepting the truth. He had lost another friend…

“I-I’m so sorry,” Woojin broke down. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you…”

He slowly let go of Hyunjin’s hand as the tears escaped his eyes freely for a long agonizing moment… Until he felt himself become suddenly light-headed.

He could hear the ambulance coming, somewhere, still so far away it seemed...

He sighed shakily, tears still streaming down his face, and his eyes wandered around the ruined car, until they fell on the worrying amount of blood on the side of his seat, and… all over him, he realized soon enough.

Oh… he wouldn’t stay all by himself for much longer, uh?

He whimpered softly, feeling his last bit of strength leave him and an uncomfortable coldness settle all over his wounded body.

He thought of Chan and the others… He hoped the best for them, but he didn’t have much faith left inside him, especially after the last couple of days.

Tragedy had struck them relentlessly, and wouldn’t stop until it had taken all of them away.

He heard voices getting closer, but they were unclear, out of reach, or maybe it was him that was getting more distant from reality, slowly departing this world.

His vision blurred again, and he knew it wouldn’t get clear ever again, so he closed his eyes and, after a moment, exhaled one last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levanter (the whole album) is incredible! I'm so proud to be their fan!!!!!!! T.T And I can't wait to buy tickets to their concert in New York <3 I love them soooo much!


	22. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I dear readers! 
> 
> I hope you're having great holidays <3 I'm surviving on my part :) 
> 
> This part of the fic will maybe give some of you a bit of hope... but still, poor boys... 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!! :D 
> 
> Thanks!

“Oh… So, you too…” Jisung mumbled, looking down between his legs as the information Minho had given them registered in his mind.

“Yeah…” Minho admitted.

“Shit,” Felix let out then, shocking the two ghosts. “Did it hurt? To get hit by a car?”

Jisung was back on his feet in a second, answering in Minho’s place. “Of course, it did! It must have been so painful!”

“Well, actually, I don’t really recall anything from the car accident. I just blacked out and when I opened my eyes again I was in the hospital…”

There was a moment of silence before Jisung’s couldn’t help but ask with a disgusted, but curious expression, “Did you wake up in the morgue? Did you see your dead body?”

“No, I didn’t…” Minho sighed. “I just kind of appeared in the hallway, near Chan.”

“I’m really losing it…” Felix mumbled, as a matter of fact, while the two ghosts ignored him.

“There’s something though that’s bothering me… Just before I was hit, I had these weird memories appear in my mind,” Minho started, trying to remember what they were exactly.

“Oh! I got that too! But not when I was about to die… I thought I hadn’t died actually, that the fire at the dorm had been a bad dream or something like this… Anyway, they popped in my head after, until I opened my eyes again and found Felix!” Jisung exclaimed. “Most of the ‘memories’ were really blurry though. It just felt like… like we were dreaming, all of us. And then I was really confused about everything, because our reality just seemed so unreal to me. I can’t really explain why though… just like a really deep gut feeling.”

Minho and Felix stared at him for a long moment, waiting for whatever other nonsense he would add up on top of all that.

“I’m telling the truth!” He tried to defend himself before any of them could say anything.

Minho sighed as if partly discouraged and partly conceding that Jisung might actually not be talking crazy.

“What was clear in your ‘regained memories’?” Minho asked.

“That we aren’t supposed to be living like this. And the thing I can recall the clearest is… the first time I really met all of you.”

“That’s why you kept asking about that…” Felix realized.

“You said we met at school, but it’s not right, I know it!” Jisung exclaimed right away.

“Then where?”

“A studio… We were trainees in a studio.”

Minho’s eyes widened at Jisung’s word, as it brought some memories back.

_Him and his friends dancing together in a studio._

“I-I think I remember that too!” He admitted, almost hardly believing himself, but the fact was that they had ‘regained memories’ in common and that was somewhat scary, but also reassuring.

“Ok… So, to make it short, both of you died, you remembered some weird memories, I’m talking to ghosts, and now reality might not be real?” Felix summarized with an exasperated, but also kind of accepting, tone, and they nodded in answer. “Well… What do we do now?”

“We wake up,” Hyunjin answered seriously just as he joined them unexpectedly in the hospital room.

“What? You’re dead too now? Damn, things are really bad!” Jisung complained, but the others were already moving on.

“Wake up?” Minho asked, ignoring Jisung’s reaction completely, curious about Hyunjin’s solution.

“If it ain’t real, then it must be a dream or something like that. So, we just have to wake up, right?”

“Pretty sure I would’ve woken up when I got hit by a car if it was as simple as that,” Minho complained.

“Oh, you died like this? Damn…”

“How did _you_ die?” Jisung asked.

“Got beaten up by some guys and didn’t go to the hospital… I had internal bleeding I think.”

“You probably deserved it,” Jisung commented straightforwardly.

“You…” Hyunjin started angrily, annoyed and ready to make him pay for that comment.

“Guys, don’t start fighting already,” Felix stopped them. “Let’s focus now. Do you remember anything, Hyunjin?”

“Yes… I remember a lot actually…”

“Felix? Who are you talking to?” A somewhat clearer voice croaked from across them all.

Jeongin…

Why was he awake?

Felix couldn’t really see him as he was still strapped in a lying position, but the ghosts’ expressions said it all.

Was he going to be the next one to join them?

—

Chan collapsed as soon as the specialist uncovered Woojin’s pale emotionless face.

They kept speaking to him, but he barely captured any word clearly.

He would lose them all, right?

He was helped out by nurses and their assigned doctor, and then led to the doctor’s office.

The nurses brought him coffee to warm him up, but he didn’t want it.

He wanted to sleep, forget reality for a while, but, of course, life wouldn’t let him.

“I’m sorry to tell you that, I know it really isn’t the best time… but it can’t wait any longer…”

Somehow, even before he had started to speak, Chan knew that the doctor had other bad news to tell him. And just as he had predicted…

“It will be Changbin’s last night, and… and Jeongin will probably not last more than a day or two. We’re sorry… We did the best we could.”

Breathing in…

Breathing out…

Breathing in…

“We will remove any uncomfortable equipment off him, and allow you to say goodbye before we put an end to his suffering.”

Breathing…

“We’re really sorry…”

…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys!!!!! Im going to see Stray Kids in NYC in January T.T I'll die of joy! I didn't get VIP tickets, but we have really good seats anyway, so that's awesome <3 I'll have to do a round trip though, because I work the next day at 8h30 in Montreal, so that will be an experience (WORTH IT) x) 
> 
> I'll also be seeing Ateez in Newark in April! 
> 
> I wish Kpop groups would come to Montreal more often, haha x) 
> 
> My poor wallet...


	23. Whisper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!
> 
> Chan stays by Changbin's side until the end... 
> 
> This is super sad... 
> 
> Hope you like it though ❤️
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!
> 
> Thank you!!

“Jeongin? Yeah, it’s me, it’s Felix!” Felix answered back. “Are you ok?”

What a stupid question, he cursed himself right away and the unimpressed looks from the others told him that they also cursed him internally.

“Felix…” Jeongin repeated tiredly.

"Yeah?" 

Felix got no other answer and the others looked saddened. 

“He’s not quite here,” Hyunjin commented. "He's on some heavy medications probably..."

“I think he’s already back asleep… Good for him,” Jisung sighted. “He’s… way too skinny. It’s scary.”

“He must be so cold,” Minho added.

Felix remembered how they would all cuddle on the couch or even in bed until they all felt so hot it was uncomfortable. He missed them all so much…

If only he could hold Jeongin, bring him some sort of warmth in these cold unsure times…

A nurse broke his train of thoughts as she walked in the room and went straight for Felix’s bed with a gentle smile and her arms full.

What was she carrying?

Oh no…

-

“Hey,” Chan started hesitantly as he reached Changbin’s hospital bed.

Changbin’s eyes fluttered open, but only slightly. He looked in pain, but his face seemed to brighten up a bit as soon as he recognized Chan. He passed his dry thongue over his cracked lips as if it would help moisten them.

“Hey,” he said back, his voice sounding like a breathless whimper, so different from his usually powerful voice, making Chan hurt deeper... It always hurt deeper, as if an endless pit resided now inside of him.

Chan sat beside Changbin’s bed and stayed there silently for a long moment, unable to look at his friend's frail form, feeling ashamed and awfully fragile mentally. Changbin used to be so strong, and now he was fading away, his now weak body barely holding onto life.

“…you sleep?” Changbin let out after a moment, and it hurt Chan so damn much, because his dying friend was still caring about him and trying to have a conversation despite everything.

So, Chan took a deep breath and mustered all his strength.

“Yeah, uhm, I still can’t sleep, but I’ll try my best once… once things get better.” But he knew that Changbin wasn’t stupid. There was no lying to him. “It might take a while, but I’ll still try…” He added, a difficult attempt at showing a bit of hope for Changbin, just a tiny little bit… His attempt was short-lived.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t try to reassure Changbin like he didn’t have his whole heart and soul already ripped away from him. It was just too much, after all that had happened in such a short time. And he was jealous of Changbin too, because he was able to leave like the others… It was so unfair! Chan just really couldn’t keep up a strong front anymore, even if it was most certainly the last conversation with Changbin. So, he ended up spilling what he truly felt…

“I wish you would just hold on a little longer. I… I lost so much already, everything is falling apart and now… and now you’re going to abandon me too.” He was so angry, at the doctors, at Changbin, at everything, at life itself... “You know what? Maybe I should end it too! I’m hurting too, y’know! It’s…” His throat felt so tight as all the hurt and trauma from the losses and the insomnia washed over him, making him unable to take in any air. “It’s unbearable…” He finished weakly.

Chan stopped then, his teary eyes meeting Changbin’s gaze, and it wasn’t angry, or hurt, or annoyed… It was understanding. Changbin knew of his struggle, of the pain and the hopelessness, even if it didn’t come from the same place. While Chan was struggling with grief and anxiety, Changbin experienced physical torment and loneliness. So, he wasn’t shocked by his words, because he also knew what agony felt like, and he could feel it emanating from his dear hyung.

Changbin extended his weak arm toward Chan and the latter took his hand.

“’s ok hyung… can… let go… too,” Changbin whispered.

Rivers escaped Chan’s eyes as he broke down once again. After a moment, he found himself lying onto Changbin’s torso as the latter caressed his hair softly in some sort of attempt at comforting him.

Chan didn’t leave Changbin, not until the end, when the latter finally drew his last breath.

-

Woojin saw everything, never leaving Chan and Changbin's side, and it pained him so much. He should have been more careful, should’ve called an ambulance or something, should never have left Chan to deal with everything by himself…

Yet, what they had experienced felt so unreal to him now.

There were just some memories that he knew didn’t make sense in this reality, but that he was sure were still very real. Strangely, he could very well remember Chan and him harmonizing to some song that felt like theirs, but he couldn’t quite recall where he had heard it. And there were so many things that simply didn’t feel right at all. How could they have such bad luck as to have their dorm destroyed by fire, and then die one after the other, all of different causes? Why were their parents unreachable? Why was Chan still unable to sleep, when he should have collapsed way sooner?

Something was wrong with them all, but what could he do with the way he was now?

He was dead and useless... 

-

“Dude, she’s gonna undress you,” Han teased Felix, as the nurse worked around him to dry-wash him.

Minho and Hyunjin barely contained their laughs beside the other ghost, watching as the nurse gently passed a wet clot on his face. She was clearly a gentle and experienced nurse and she kept talking to him, telling him where she was going to wash him next and ensuring that he was comfortable… unfortunately, he really wasn’t, especially with the three ghosts laughing their asses off while watching everything. The worst was that Felix couldn’t do a thing to stop them from making fun of him, and he really felt disgusting after so many days without a shower, so he couldn’t refuse the nurse’s care.

He tried to silently send killing stares to his friends but they kept chuckling anyway, amused by Felix’s humiliation.

“She’s gonna _touch_ you,” Minho added.

Yes, he knew that. He was wearing a damn diaper since he had been deemed too dangerous, for himself and others, to be unstraped from his bed. It was super humiliating, but the nurse came often to change it and make sure he wasn't just staying in his own shit. What annoyed him was how the others made fun of him...

“Oh god, I don’t wanna see this,” Hyunjin commented, visibly disgusted.

The woman lifted Felix’s shirt a bit, then started wiping his belly.

“There she goes…” Han said apprehensively, but with a hardly hidden laugh.

“Oh, would you shut up already,” Felix hissed at them.

The nurse stopped moving for a moment, and the others exploded in laugher. Felix growled in anger, but the woman kept working, only startled by his first bizarreness. She was probably used to working with patients like him.

_Like you…_

Felix suddenly felt nauseous. The ghosts’ laughs slowly came to a stop. Felix’s terrified eyes met Jisung in an instant.

“No… No, it’s back,” Jisung mumbled, coming closer to Felix, looking around, as if searching for something, but, clearly, he didn’t find it and his eyes met Felix’s again. “Ok, focus on me, Felix. You know the voice isn’t real…”

_He’s not either. How could he? Since when are ghosts real? This isn’t real…_

“Jisung…” Felix tried, starting to panic.

“I know, I’m here, it’s going to be fine…”

_LIES! IT'S ALL LIES!_

“No… No, it’s not going to be fine. Everyone…” Felix sobbed, never breaking eye-contact with Jisung who so desperately wanted to help him.

_Everyone’s going to die…_

The voice continued, as if having the same train of thoughts as Felix.

_She can help. Tell her... TELL HER WHAT YOU TRULY WANT._

“Shut up, stop bothering him,” Minho tried, looking around Felix for the source of the voice, only to find it clearly coming from Felix himself.

“What the hell is happening?” Hyunjin asked.

_See? They can’t help you… But I can, Felix. I can end everything…_

“Felix, don’t listen to it, it’s not right, it only wants to hurt you,” Jisung tried to convince him.

_Hurt you? No… I want to free you. You’re hurting. You’re mourning. You’re lonely. You just want to rest._

“I-I…” Felix closed his eyes tightly as if this would help, but the voice was encompassing, impossible to silence just like that.

_You know what to do so you can truly find the rest you so desperately seek..._

“Stay strong, Felix, it’ll go away on it’s own, just like last time,” Jisung’s growingly unclear voice encouraged him.

 _Kill… Kill yourself Felix, or you’ll suffer again_.

“How?” The question escaped his lips without thinking.

Jisung was yelling at him, but no sound seemed to escape his lips. It looked like he was getting blurry too. What was happening now? Were the hallucinations finally dissipating?

Oh…

So that was what it had really been all this time…

And he had felt hopeful for a moment…

How foolish…

"Please tell me how..." he asked the voice. 

Now he knew what he really wanted: to be free with his friends. 

And he would do anything to make it happen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo.....
> 
> A lot happened in my life :) Good and bad stuff... But here are some highlights :  
> \- Got tickets for Monsta X 🤩  
> \- I had to put down my little Shiro (rat - 1 year old) last week and I am slowly healing from the loss... 😢  
> \- I have a new baby rat named Yuki and she's soooo cute 😍
> 
> Also... BTS COMEBACK AND WORLD TOUR?!?!!? THE HYPE IS REAL 😍😍😍 I mean, have you seen Suga's teaser??? Oh wow... My wallet will hate me (as usual) x)


	24. Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Thank you for your patience (I'm sorry I suck so much at uplaoding new chapters)!! 
> 
> There's only four of them still alive... 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! 
> 
> Thanks!!

“Felix! Felix, no, don’t listen to it!” Jisung tried desperately once again. “Shit! He can’t hear us anymore! What do we do? We have to help him!” He added, turning to face his friends, panicked

Hyunjin and Minho couldn’t look away from Felix, until… They both lifted surprised eyes behind Jisung who turned back to look at what had gotten their attention when the situation was so dire.

“Changbin? You too?” Jisung murmured as soon as he saw his friend looking at them, seeing them.

Changbin only smiled at him before he focused his attention on Felix.

“It’s ok, Felix, we’re here, you’re not alone,” he told him and then hugged him, or tried as much as he could, since he couldn’t really touch him. “Nine or none, remember?”

And just then, Felix’s eyes widened and he looked around again. He could see them once again; he was back to them. The voice was gone. They all sighed in relief, but it didn’t last long...

“Changbin? Guys? I-I’m scared…” Felix sobbed. “Please… I don’t want this anymore…”

No… Even if they had brought him back from this dark place trying to take over his mind, it had tainted him. It would certainly poison him soon and make him join them.

They were limited in time before, but now things were even more urgent, because he was their last connection to reality, or at least this reality they were stuck in.

“We’ll find a way to make it end,” Hyunjin promised.

And they all looked at each other, knowing that they couldn’t keep on staying there with Felix, no matter how much they wanted to stay by his side and support him. They had to take risks now if they wanted to save at least those who were still alive.

They were ready to do everything now, even if it meant risking their existence as spirits and… disappearing for good this time.

-

_Seungmin stopped just as he reached Jeongin’s room, a grin appearing on his lips. He opened the door and made eye-contact with Jeongin who knew exactly what was coming._

_“Gaaaaah!” Seungmin let out, one of his signature quirks._

_Jeongin still smiled and that’s all Seungmin needed, so he closed the door again and left just like that._

_He reached the living room next, where Chan and Jisung were talking about some lyrics for a new song they were writing._

_He didn’t want to annoy them while they were working, so he kept going, looking for his next target._

_He liked annoying his friends, they were like brothers to him._

_He reached Felix’s room next, and opened the door without knocking, really wanting to get his attention, but then he found himself facing a different scenery. It was very dark, but he could still recognize Felix in front of him. Around them, there were now all these other people, working it seemed, and there was screaming near them, on the other side of a large black wall. He frowned, ready to ask Felix, but then he found himself being led forward and then… He was facing a dark crowd and a sea of floating lights._

_“W-what’s happening, I don’t…” Seungmin started, confused and anxious, looking around him for help until he met Woojin’s comforting gaze._

_“Let’s do this,” he told him before settling on a spot on the scene._

_He met Chan’s gaze despite the darkness, and could see that he was worried about him. Seungmin decided to do like the others and got into a similar position, following his instinct._

_Then, music rang all around them and… and he could remember it all too well. They had practiced it so many times! He knew it! He was used to this, to performing in front of an audience! He was…_

_Then the lights blinded them for a second, revealing the group to the awaiting fans._

_And everything disappeared suddenly._

_Seungmin looked around, confused and totally lost as to what the hell was happening to him._

_They were now in a dance studio, visibly taking a pause._

_“Seungmin? Are you ok?” Changbin asked. “You look pale.”_

_“Changbin, the show…” Seungmin started, unsure where to start._

_“It’s going to be alright. We’ve done this many times and you’re not the one that might mess it up the most,” Chan encouraged him with a side-look at Jisung who frowned at him from the other side of the training room._

_“I heard you, hyung! I know you’re talking about me!” Jisung’s said in a threatening tone._

_Seungmin smiled at that, remembering how forgetful Jisung was…_

_Wait… Wait, this couldn’t be real… Jisung was dead, and…_

_But he was sure of it, he could feel it deep inside himself, that he had been in this room in real life, that he had practiced dances and sang and performed… But he was supposed to be a university student, no? They had a dorm and it had burned down._

_He was studying… What was he studying already? He couldn’t remember, unlike the memories of them on a scene that just kept getting clearer._

_No, Seungmin didn’t go to university, because he was already doing what he wanted most in life, and that was being an idol!_

_Everything started spinning around him. He closed his eyes, fell on his knees, covered his ears and started to scream, too overwhelmed by his thoughts and the intense anxiety it caused him. Everything was loud and chaotic, and then it all came to a stop._

_Seungmin’s eyes fluttered open a few seconds later, but his vision took a moment before it cleared up. Why did his chest hurt?_

_He was confused for a moment... Was this another hallucination? No... It didn't feel the same._

_He was sitting at the back of a yellow bus, a strong feeling of weakness and fatigue washed over him and he knew he would fall back asleep soon._

_Before he blacked out again, he recognized Felix in the seat beside him, and Minho just in front of Felix’s, both deeply asleep as well._

_Where were they going already?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story time!!! 
> 
> 1\. Stray Kid's concert was incredible!!!!!! I love them so much and I can't wait to see them again T-T Also, Han is now my ultimate bias! <3
> 
> 2\. I went to see VAV in Toronto last wednesday and it was the best night of my entire life! I had a VVIP ticket (included, in this order, a fansign, high-touch, groupd photo and concert) and I was not ready emotionally, clearly! I did the fansign, and Ayno, my bias in VAV, said that he loved my hair and after that, when I walked away from the table, I fucking fainted (for real - don't worry I luckily didn't hurt myself) XD I missed the high-touch and group photo because of that, but they placed me in a space beside the scene with a chair so I could still watch the show! And then, at the end, they took us backstage to meet them for a group photo because I couldn't do it like the other VVIPs! I was so happy and grateful, but also couldn't say anything but "thank you" and "sorry" (Gosh, I'm such a messy fan)... Ziu literally said my name and Ace asked me if I was feeling better... I swear, I felt like the luckiest girl ever T-T They gave an awesome show, and I'll definitely go see one of their concerts again (and hopefully not pass out again this time)! If you don't stan them, you should! 
> 
> Thank you for reading this chapter! Please leave a comment <3


	25. Voices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Jeongin is fading away... 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! <3
> 
> Thanks!!

Jeongin could hear voices near him, but he didn’t have the energy to react anymore. They sounded familiar, but the discussion seemed so far away from him.

He didn’t have long, he could feel it. He was so cold and weak, and his members burned too from the inside for some reason. His stomach felt like it was afflicted with a never-ending cramp. His head hurt so much and his mouth was uncomfortably dry. He guessed not being able to digest anything inexorably led to this kind of state.

There was silence suddenly and a nurse appeared in Jeongin’s field of view with a compassionate look on her face. She checked around for a moment at some medical equipment, and then sighed as she met Jeongin’s eyes again.

“I’m sorry, honey. You’ll be free from all this soon…” She told him softly, sadly…

A few seconds later, Hyunjin appeared next to her, looking sorrowful. Jeongin didn’t like to see him like that. Their eyes met and Hyunjin’s widened, he looked surprised for some reason.

“Guys! Guys, I think he can see me!” Hyunjin shouted then.

Jeongin would have frowned if he had the energy left to do it. What was that weird reaction for? Of course, he could see him.

The nurse left and he was soon surrounded by Jisung, Minho and Changbin as well, who looked all concerned, but also somewhat hopeful.

“Jeongin! Can you see us? Blink twice if you can!” Jisung asked him, way too energetic for Jeongin’s headache.

Still, Jeongin managed to do as he was asked.

“That’s great!” Jisung exclaimed with an even brighter expression.

“You’re too loud! He’s clearly feeling awful, so calm down a bit,” Minho reprimanded him and Jisung glared at him in response.

Jeongin would have smiled at that if he could. He had missed it a lot, their presence, their squabbles, their energy and warmth… A tear fell out his eyes, but it was one of happiness despite this scary situation he was in and all the pain and exhaustion he felt.

“See, you made him cry,” Minho added quietly.

Jisung pouted as he turned his head away, grumpy and annoyed by Minho’s scolding.

“Maybe if he could tell Chan about us, he would believe Felix better?” Changbin told them, ignoring their argument.

“Oh, maybe!” Jisung exclaimed, visibly trying to keep his voice as low as possible now.

“Hey, Jeongin, we need you to do something, ok? Try to tell Chan about us, tell him we’re here, even if we aren’t exactly…” Hyunjin told him.

Jeongin was confused, but he would still try. If they were asking something of him when he was in such a state, it was probably really important.

“Great, we’ll stay by your side, don’t worry, even if you can’t see us anymore, we promise we won’t leave you alone,” Hyunjin added with as much comfort in his voice as he could muster.

A tiny little shadow of a smile appeared on Jeongin’s lips. He was so glad he had them by his side.

He didn’t feel so cold with them surrounding him now.

A sensation of peacefulness filled him and he closed his eyes to really take it in.

Soon, he would be gone from this world, but until then he would make sure to tell Chan about the others somehow.

-

Chan walked aimlessly in the hospital. He didn’t want to go back to his remaining friends. A part of him didn’t want to waste the time he had left with them by being away, but at the same time he needed a break from their suffering. Seeing them in hospital beds, stuck with their worsening conditions… He just didn’t want to see them like this anymore. It hurt too much.

“Did you hear about those young boys in quarantine?” A nurse asked another just as Chan was reaching the corner of two hallways.

They couldn’t see him, so he stopped to listen, not particularly curious or anything, just because they were clearly talking about his friends and him.

“Poor boys, they were nine friends I think, and six of them died in such a short time. Some people say that the others will probably die too, that they are cursed or something. So sad…”

Cursed? Maybe… Maybe they were actually cursed. How could this all be real otherwise? Who could lose all their friends in a matter of two weeks of different reasons like that?

Maybe he was just part of some odd story that would be spread around as some weird tale…

He didn’t remember when he started walking again, but he finally came back to the room Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin were in.

Jeongin… He needed to say goodbye to him too now…

He wasn’t ready, but would he ever be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be another sad one and at this point it seems like none of them will survive in the end :/ But let's not lose hope yet! They are still fighting and will do so until the end!
> 
> Viston's Howling is such a beautiful comeback! I can't wait to listen to the whole album T_T I love them so much!


	26. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!
> 
> I hope you're all safe wherever you are! 
> 
> Anyway, here's another sad chapter... Honestly, poor Chan T_T 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT : I was rereading chapter 23 and I realised that I forgot to post a part with it, which is at the beginning of it if you want to read it! 
> 
> Sorry for that!!

_Where were we going?_

_What’s going on?_

_I’m scared!_

_My chest hurts!_

_What’s happening to us?!_

_Please help!_

_We need help!_

_PLEASE! HELP!_

Seungmin opened his eyes again, panicked, but his vision remained blurry this time. His chest hurt even more now, and the others were still asleep, or more likely unconscious around him. Something was wrong, they needed help, so he reached out blindly for his phone in his pocket and weakly took it out before pressing on the urgent call button.

He had just done it when his vision darkened and he fell back into unconsciousness…

-

Chan breathed in deeply, and then out.

Another one…

He wasn’t ready, but there was nothing he could do about that now, so he opened the door and walked in. He glanced at Seungmin’s still unconscious form near Jeongin’s bed with a pang in his heart and then at Felix strapped to his own bed in front of Jeongin's bed. He looked at him with tired eyes, but still smiled comfortingly.

Right, Chan hadn’t visited him since he had arrived at this hospital. So much had happened… He walked up to his bed, he owed Felix at least a small conversation.

“Hey, Felix…”

“Chan… It’s been a while.” There was so much love and care in his voice... It almost hurt.

“Yeah, a lot happened and…” Chan couldn't finish his sentence. How could he tell Felix everything? Was he even physically able to?

“It’s ok, I know… I know about the others.”

“The doctor told you?” Chan asked quietly.

“No… They told me themselves,” Felix corrected hesitantly.

“What?” Had he heard wrong? That didn't make sense...

“Don’t worry about it for now, I… I guess you want to see Jeongin now, right?” Felix asked glancing in the younger boy’s direction even if he couldn’t see him from where he was lying. “He’s next?” This time, Felix’s voice was full of emotions.

Chan only nodded, hardly holding in his tears. He cleared his throat, tapped Felix’s shoulder slightly as if trying to give them both courage, and then left his side, unable to say anything else to him for the moment or even meet his eyes again. He then walked up to Jeongin’s bed.

He had his eyes opened, but he looked almost lifeless already. When Chan seemed to be close enough to attract the boy’s attention, Jeongin’s eyes slowly turned to look at him.

“Hey buddy,” Chan greeted him with as much of a smile as he could muster.

“Chanie-hyung…” Jeongin whispered and his chapped lips curved slightly into a smile.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you a lot lately… You did well to hold on for so long." Chan caressed Jeongin's hair, trying to give him as much affection and warmth as he could.

Jeongin leaned happily into Chan's hand, clearly liking the attention.

"Stay?"

"Yeah, as long as I can," Chan's voice wavered.

He could feel his damaged heart crumbling again. Soon, Jeongin would be gone and he would never be able to see his smile again...

Jisung, Minho, Hyunjin, Woojin, Changbin... And now, Jeongin... All their smiles, all their laughs and their energy and life... Everything... Gone forever...

"I just... I wish you could get better and get back to me as you used to be, healthy, and happy, and full of passion and charm,” Chan's voice broke completely into heavy sobs as he collapsed on his knees beside the bed and started crying loudly, holding onto the bedsheets tightly, as if it could make Jeongin stay a little longer with him, as if his prayers would be heard better if he just held onto him a little harder.

But then, Jeongin’s hand found its way to one of his and he heard the younger shushing him comfortingly. He calmed down a bit then. Jeongin looked around the bed and smiled even more, as if seeing familiar faces.

“You’re not alone…” Jeongin’s whispered.

Chan wanted him to keep his energy and not force himself to speak, but at the same time he didn’t want to stop hearing his voice even if it was so quietly.

“Maybe, but still…” Chan answered, heavy tears still falling down his face, thinking of Seungmin, who would most likely remain unconscious until they found a cure, if they found one, and Felix who was not quite sane mentally anymore.

He would have only them left, but for how long?

“The others… They’re here… With us,” Jeongin said.

“Not anymore…” Chan sobbed. “I’m sorry…”

Through his blurry eyes full of tears, Chan could still see Jeongin’s unwavering smile.

“They’re here… They promised they would stay,” Jeongin insisted and there was no fear or uncertainty in his eyes.

If he believed that, how could Chan make him face reality in his last moments here on earth? He wasn’t a monster…

“Alright… I’m not alone…” Chan gave in.

There was a long moment of silence after that. They kept holding hands and Jeongin closed his eyes and relaxed, clearly exhausted by the simple conversation they had had.

Not long…

“I’m cold…” Jeongin broke the silence after a moment. “Can you…” He started, but Chan knew already, so he shushed him and agreed before he could even finish his question.

Chan moved Jeongin as gently as possible a bit to the side to make place for him on the bed, and then lied beside the younger boy, enveloping him in his arms and giving him as much warmth and comfort as he could.

Jeongin sighed happily, cocooned in the crook of Chan's neck.

“Thank you…” He murmured, his voice barely hearable now.

“I’ll miss you,” Chan murmured back, his voice breaking, but succeeding in holding back his tears and sobs this time.

Those were the last words they exchanged.

A couple hours later, Jeongin’s body became unbearably cold and motionless in Chan’s arms…

He was gone too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... I've been temporarily laid off from work, which is shitty because no money = no life (or Kpop albums/concert tickets/merch).. I'm also going through a major depression, and I need to keep a routine and work to get through my days, so losing that is going to make things super hard for me :( 
> 
> I hope you are all doing better than me! I'll try to finish this fic in the next two weeks, so that's that :) 
> 
> Thank you for reading this as always!! <3
> 
> Stay safe!


	27. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Things are getting even more dire for our boys as another danger has appeared!! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! <3
> 
> Thanks!!

Time was lost to Chan. Between the sleepless nights and the deaths of his friends, there was just pain and anxiety. Nothing else.

What was the point anymore?

After the doctors finally came to take Jeongin’s body away, Chan had exited the hospital to get some fresh air. That’s how he ended up sitting alone under a gazebo on the Hospital’s property, looking at the rain falling heavily around him for hours.

He couldn’t even feel the cold breeze brushing against his skin, or the icy drops of water falling through the gazebo’s roof and soaking his shirt in some places. It felt as if he was already frozen, ever since Jeongin had lost all warmth, Chan’s heart and body had become incredibly frigid, unable to feel colder than he already was.

He couldn’t do a single useful thing to save his remaining friends… Just like those who had already left them, he would lose them too.

Well, he could still be there for them for the time they had left. But he struggled even to do that, afflicted every time he had to see the way they were also fading away.

Would Chan also follow in their tracks? Would he also end up dying like them?

Maybe that would be for the best. It hurt to be alive anyway…

He hated that he was thinking this way. He had always tried his best to support others and promote positive thinking, but... But he couldn't be like this anymore. He was broken and miserable, cold and lonely, he was suffering... Life felt like an hopeless agony. And if he truly ended up losing his remaining friends as well, he wondered, how would he ever survive all this? How would his heart overcome so many losses and still believe in a possibly happy future?

Changbin's words replayed in his troubled mind, rubbing salt in the wound. He had said that it was ok if he let go... Letting go of what exactly, Chan didn't know, but right now he was just so tired of life.

-

“How is he doing?” Felix asked Hyunjin who had just came back from checking up on Chan, Woojin was still beside him, keeping an eye on him.

“Not good,” Hyunjin sighed. “What are we even doing? I mean… He’s the only one that could help us, but we don’t even know what to do ourselves!”

Now, Hyunjin was angry. He had seen Chan accompany Jeongin until he died in his arms and after that he had seen him look soullessly at the rain for hours. It hurt so much to be unable to support Chan in these hard times…

“We’re stuck here, in this reality or whatever this crazy situation is, and we don’t know how to make things right!”

“Hyunjin… Calm down a bit, ok? Being angry won’t change a thing either,” Changbin warned him.

Hyunjin sighed loudly in response and walked up to the window to look outside grumpily.

“Are the others coming back soon?” Hyunjin asked after a moment.

“They should be on their way back now,” Changbin answered. “I hope they found Jeongin…”

“Hey, guys, I think there’s something wrong with Seungmin,” Jeongin’s voice said, taking Changbin, Felix and Hyunjin by surprise.

“Jeongin!? How? When did you…?” Hyunjin started, running up to him right away, feeling overwhelmingly relieved and emotional. Instinctively, he went ahead and hugged Jeongin. Strangely, he didn’t pass through him like he would have with Felix, Chan or Seungmin.

Relieved and so incredibly happy that he could at least hug him, he let himself melt into the embrace. Why hadn’t they tried to touch each other before? They were scared, right, but they could’ve been able to comfort each other better if they had known that they could enjoy some skinship despite their awful situation.

“Ah, hum… Yeah, just got there,” Jeongin answered, patting Hyunjin’s back gently, but he glanced back at Seungmin almost right away. “Look at him… I’m worried.”

Hyunjin did so right away, but Seungmin seemed fine, well as motionless and unresponsive as he had been for the past days, nothing unusual.

“I think he woke up… You know, in reality? I mean our _real_ reality? Does this make sense?”

“You know about that?” Changbin asked, curious, and going for a quick, but strong hug. “Glad to see you, by the way…” He whispered at the same time, to which Jeongin smiled in response.

“Yeah, I remember pretty much everything, I think. And I even woke up too for a moment… I think I heard Seungmin call for help. It was quiet though…”

Hyunjin and Changbin were flabbergasted for a long moment as they analysed what Jeongin had just told them. And then they exploded in a multitude of questions, not letting Jeongin the time to answer any of them.

“Guys! Guys! Wait, I can’t…” Jeongin started, trying to make his friends slow down, but he was interrupted by sudden movements coming from Seungmin’s bed.

It put a stop to Hyunjin and Changbin’s unending questions too, as it also caught their attention. Seungmin looked like he was having a nightmare at first, whimpers escaping his lips and face scrunched in clear discomfort. But then, his breathing and heartbeat started to quickened and his arms and legs started to move on their own, as if he was trying to fight or escape an invisible foe.

“Guys? What’s going on?” Felix asked worriedly.

“Seungmin, he…” Changbin started, but was cut off by Seungmin’s sudden terrified screams as his eyes flew open.

“HELP! PLEASE! P-PLEASE HELP!”

“Seungmin! Calm down! You’re ok!” Hyunjin tried instantly.

“He can’t hear you,” Changbin reminded him.

“I know!” Hyunjin answered back, despair filling his voice.

“H-Hyunjin? Changbin?” Seungmin screamed their names, panicking. “Help! We need help!”

Nurses and doctors quickly filled the room after that, and soon enough Seungmin was gone.

“He heard us! Seungmin heard us!” Hyunjin exclaimed with hope in his eyes, and then went after Seungmin with Jeongin following him almost right away.

Minho wanted to go too, but he stayed with Felix instead. There was too much uncertainty to leave him alone now.

So, he went back to his side and explained what the younger boy hadn’t been able to see as best as he could.

“We’re still all pretty confused, but Jeongin and Seungmin were able to wake up, so… there might really still have hope for us to make it in the end,” he added after a moment of silence.

Felix smiled brightly at that despite their still precarious situation, but then his face scrunched up awkwardly.

“What’s going on?” Changbin asked, concerned.

“Ah, I wish you weren’t a ghost right now more than ever,” Felix complained, visibly discouraged. “My face, just on the left side of my nose… It itches so much, it’s torture!”

Changbin couldn’t help the laughing fit that followed. Felix kept complaining until Changbin finally stopped laughing.

“Good to know you’d want me alive only so I could scratch the itch away,” Changbin retorted.

Felix let out an embarrassed laugh as he tried vainly to deny everything, and it was like a precious melody to Changbin.

“I missed you,” Changbin let out, when Felix finally stopped laughing.

“I missed you too.”

“Do you remember a bit of the _true reality_?”

“No, why?” Felix asked.

“I remember a lot actually, such as the time when we were trainees…”

“We really were trainees?” Felix asked, curious.

“Yeah, and the first time I saw you…” Changbin started to tell stories about what he remembered of that other happier reality.

For a long reprieving moment, they were able to hide away in their own little bubble of peace and happy memories, even if Felix couldn’t remember any of it. Thanks to that, their hearts felt a bit less heavy. It was nice… But it didn’t last long. When Changbin finished one of his stories, Felix found himself looking around, well as much as he could strapped to his bed. There was something off…

“Jisung and Minho aren’t back yet?” Felix asked when he finally realized what was off.

“They should have come back a while ago,” Changbin realized as well, looking at the clock.

Anxiety grew back quickly inside of them. Had something happened to them? Should Changbin go have a look? But it was certainly safer to stay here with Felix…

What should they do?

-

“Jisung? Jisung?! Where are you?!” Minho was losing it, Jisung was with him one second and the other he was gone. “No no no… Not again, I can’t lose you again,” Minho muttered to himself as he ran around the hospital searching for him in every corner possible. He lost him once, and it hurt so much, but at least they had found each other even after death. What if Jisung had disappeared forever, what if there was no more after and he was truly gone this time? No, no this couldn’t be… He wouldn’t accept it! “JISUNG!” He screamed desperately as he arrived in the waiting room, the last place he hadn’t checked yet, beside their quarantined wing of the hospital and the basement.

Nothing, no one heard his screams, Jisung didn’t answer back… Minho collapsed on his hands and knees, letting the emotions and anxiety take over him, tears falling freely down his face.

_Jisung… Please, come back to us…_

-

One moment, he was walking with Minho trying to find anything useful for their survival in this hospital, and the next he was taken aback when he heard Seungmin’s cry for help out of nowhere, like a far away echo. It had lasted only a second, but after that Jisung had been swallowed by darkness and ended up waking up in what looked like a bus, as far as he could tell with his hazy vision.

Jisung’s chest hurt. He felt unbearably weak and dizzy. It was awfully unnerving.

Even if he was feeling awful and he couldn’t even move or talk or do anything at all, at least it felt real, right, like the reality they truly belonged too.

Someone entered the bus then, but Jisung couldn’t tell who it was with his blurry vision, and they wore a mask too it seemed. Were they here to help?

“Shit! Who was it? Who called for help?!” The voice was angry, it made Jisung’s heartbeat instantly quicken.

It wasn’t help.

Jisung was scared now, and when the person got closer, as if to inspect them, Jisung found himself closing his eyes too late as he understood that the person was probably searching for someone awake.

“It’s you, uh?” 

Jisung opened fearful eyes to confirm that he had indeed been caught. The man’s hand reached out to him and Jisung flinched, scared of that unknown person with most certainly bad intentions.

_Jisung… Please, come back to us…_

Minho?

Minho’s voice felt like the sound of a bell in complete silence, clear and wonderful. 

One moment later Jisung was sucked back into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I bought 32 albums? And I'm going to receive most of them this week? I need to get back to work soon, so I'll stop spending my whole days shopping T.T 
> 
> On another note, I just started learning Korean! If you want to practice with me or help me learn more, you can message me on Instagram (Jessiebulby) or Tumblr (Wakeyx) ^.^


	28. Lucidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> So, I added things in past chapters I didn't plan to include at first and had to rethink my plot. But don't worry, things are settled now and everything will get a bit clearer in the next chapter! :) 
> 
> Now, let's see how things are with our boys... :)
> 
> Thanks! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMMENT <3

Seungmin kept coming back and forth between realities. Fear was gripping at his inside, making him more and more terrified as he could see pieces of things that were happening in the true reality.

The doctors were trying to calm him down in the false reality, but he couldn’t listen to them. He had to tell the others of what was happening in the other reality!

“JISUNG! JISUNG IS IN DANGER!” He screamed his voice raw, hoping that Hyunjin or Changbin would hear him even if he couldn’t see them, knowing that he had heard them through the chaos he was stuck in.

_The scary unknown man that had screamed at them was taking Jisung away._

“HELP! WE NEED HELP!”

He saw Hyunjin behind the doctors and nurses. He was there looking at him with concerned eyes, clearly wanting to help but unsure of what to do. Seungmin didn't want Hyunjin to see him like this, screaming for help. He felt a prick in his neck and, seconds later, he suddenly calmed down a bit and started sobbing instead.

“You need to find him…”

No… the drugs the doctors had given him were already taking effect. He couldn’t pass out, not yet, he needed to warn them. Shit!

“Hyunjin… Jisung… he-he’s not in the bus... He took him.” He murmured as consciousness started to slip away from him. He weakly extended his arm toward Hyunjin as a last attempt to reach him.

But then he blanked out.

-

Hyunjin remained shocked for a long moment. For the doctors, Seungmin had talked crazy, but for Hyunjin, it was another story. Seungmin had said that they needed help, that Jisung was in danger?

“The medicine won’t last long. What should we do now?” The nurse asked the doctor in charge who sighed before answering.

“He’s going to be next…”

No… Seungmin was doing fine just minutes ago, well not completely but still… They were supposed to have more time!

“What do we do now? We need to help Jisung!” Jeongin asked Hyunjin, panicking.

Hyunjin didn’t want to leave Seungmin’s side, but at the same time he had to. So, he grabbed Jeongin’s hand and started running back to Felix’s hospital room. He wasn’t sure what to do either, but their priority was to inform the others. And if Jisung was really in danger in the other reality, then finding a way to save him was top priority.

If they died in the true reality, what if they died for real this time?

Things were complicated, weird and so damn stressful! How would they get through this? Would they all be able to come back alive from this?

He hoped so from the bottom of his heart…

-

Minho’s cries were heartbreaking. It resounded around the room, and Jisung remained shocked for a long moment before finally realizing that he was back. He looked at his hands, as if to make sure he was really back, but something was wrong. They were kind of glitching slightly. He pushed the observation away quickly though, more concerned about Minho at the moment. He couldn’t let him cry for him like that, it was too painful. Especially coming from him, who was usually so calm and in control of his emotions.

“Didn’t know you cared so much about me,” Jisung said then trying to lighten the situation, crouching down in front of him with a concerned smile.

Minho lifted his eyes up to see Jisung on his knees right in front of him. Minho was on him in a second, hugging him like his life depended on it.

“Where were you!?” He yelled, angry, but also deeply relieved.

“Hey, it’s ok, I’m back now… I just woke up in the true reality for a moment,” Jisung admitted. Minho let him go to wipe his tears, while taking the time to also hit Jisung as punishment for scaring him. He then looked at him, confused and curious. 

"Really? What happened?”

Jisung thought of the scary man and the last memory he had of the other reality. 

“Minho… I think we’re running out of time there too… And I think there’s one more thing we should be afraid of.”

Minho was clearly not ready to hear about more stressful factors, but they didn’t have time to waste.

-

“Bang Chan?” A woman asked as she reached the gazebo where he was still sitting.

She didn’t have to say anything else that he was following her back inside the hospital. She led him to a room in their quarantine wing, not their usual room.

“Your friend, Kim Seungmin is being taken care of by the doctor at the moment, but it seems he woke up in a state of hysteria and psychosis. Please wait here for the moment,” she kindly explained.

Chan agreed wordlessly and sat on a chair beside the door.

Seungmin…

Chan remembered how his puppy smile would light up their hearts at any moment. He could be a really annoying little brother sometimes, but he cared about them all a lot, and Chan knew it. He was dear to all of them too. Being his friend, his brother, was a wonderful thing, full of surprises and laughs.

Chan knew what to expect, knew of the terrible pain that would come with it, because this agony would not end, not until he was gone with them too.

The doctor opened the door and looked sadly at Chan.

“You may enter… He is under heavy medication. We will keep monitoring him for the next hours, but during this last episode of hysteria, his heart sustained severe stress. His heartbeat showed worrying signs of irregularity and…”

Chan didn’t let him finish. He simply passed by him and entered Seungmin’s room to sit on a chair beside his bed. Chan silently took his hand. Seungmin was clearly too drugged to even realized Chan was here, so he just stayed there, holding his hand, waiting for a moment of lucidity if there came one.

Just another conversation. That’s all he could really pray for right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (G)i-dle's new album is soooo good!! :o I love these girls so much! Soojin is definitely my Queen <3 
> 
> On another note, I got scammed of a BTS photocard :'( I was supposed to trade photocards with someone named Lei Ruiz who lives in Ontario, and they never sent their photocards while I sent mine. They aren't answering my messages and even if I reported them I just feel so sad because I never thought it would happen :( I know I'm too naïve and I should have been more careful... I enjoyed the thought of trading photocards, because it's a social activity related to a common passion, but there really are selfish people out there :( Ahhh, I hope it never happens to any of you dear readers <3
> 
> Anyway, I hope you're all safe :) 
> 
> Please leave a comment <3


	29. Inexorable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!
> 
> Things will maybe get clearer in this chapter :)! 
> 
> Also, the whole fic is completed, so all I have to do is to post the chapters. I might try to publish on specific days for the upcoming weeks, so maybe on Mondays and Fridays. Yeah, that sounds good! So, next chapter will be up on Monday :) 
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter. There's a lot of content and not much action, but it's a really important chapter I think! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

Hyunjin, Jeongin, Jisung and Minho arrived at Felix’s room at the same time. Hyunjin ran to Jisung right away, looking him over, concerned, but he seemed fine.

“You’re ok…” He mumbled. “Seungmin said… he seemed to say that you were in danger or something.”

“Seungmin? He’s conscious?” Jisung asked back.

“Well, not anymore…” Hyunjin answered.

Jisung sighed, looking tired and overwhelmed.

“I need to talk to everyone.” The others looked concerned as it was rare for Jisung to use such a serious tone.

They walked in and found Changbin and Felix waiting for them, clearly relieved to see them.

“Where the hell were you!? We were worried, you dumbasses! You were supposed to be back a while ago!” Changbin reprimanded Minho and Jisung right away, quickly walking up to them angrily.

And then, before they knew it, Changbin was hugging them both tightly.

“Don’t you dare do that again,” he grumbled before letting them go.

“We need to talk,” Minho told them all, walking up to Felix’s bed, the others following close behind. “Jisung…” he encouraged.

Said boy cleared his throat and started explaining what had happened earlier. Right after, Hyunjin also told them about what had happened to Seugmin. They knew it was a good thing that they had new information, but it came with a price and made them even more anxious.

-

Seungmin’s eyelashes fluttered open, but he seemed to have a hard time keeping them open for a moment, and then the symptoms of a panic attack already started to appear.

“Seungmin, mate, it’s ok, I’m here.”

“Chan…” Seungmin mumbled. “Chan, Jisung’s in danger…”

Chan sighed.

“No, he’s… he’s not in danger anymore,” he answered.

“No, no, not here… In the other reality.”

Chan saw his hopes for a last simple conversation with him disappear right before his eyes. So, instead he decided to at least say what he needed to before Seungmin also ran out of time.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I can’t do anything to help…”

“Y-you can… You were the last in the bus and I remember you opened the window next to your seat a bit, and the man didn’t notice… You might be doing better than the rest of us!” Seungmin insisted, but what he said didn’t make any sense at all to Chan.

Chan closed his eyes. He hated that this would be his last conversation with Seungmin.

“I’m not crazy, Chan. You think I am, but you’re wrong. I’m sure of it…”

“It’s ok… Just… Relax a bit ok.”

“I can’t,” Seungmin admitted, starting to have a really hard time breathing.

The heartbeat monitor beside Seungmin’s bed was quickly speeding up, making Chan even more anxious, knowing that at some point there wouldn’t be any beat to monitor.

“I’m sorry, Chan. I tried my best too…”

Seungmin’s panic attack was now full blown, breaths coming quick and heartbeat too fast. Chan nodded, feeling the familiar ball of sadness settle painfully in his throat.

“I wanted… to see you all… smile again… I failed you…” Seungmin told him through eratic breaths.

“You did nothing wrong, Seungminie…” Chan told him, holding onto his hand even more tightly, as if it could help them a bit, but there really was nothing he could do to help Seungmin now, his anxiety was too intense, probably way higher than what a normal human could handle.

The nurses and doctor entered the room then, alerted by Seungmin’s crazy vitals. He was breathing too quick, and now even his heartbeat was getting way too abnormal.

“Please, wait outside,” a nurse told Chan, but he couldn’t move, he didn’t want to let go of Seungmin’s hand. He kept holding tightly onto it for a long moment, eyes closed and clenched, trying to contain his sobs as he prayed that Seungmin would get through it. But he knew it wouldn't work, and it hurt so bad...“Come on,” she encouraged him, and then other nurses were taking him out despite his protests.

As soon as the door closed after them, he heard it, the frightening unwavering lengthy sharp sound of the heartbeat monitor.

He stayed there, looking at the door for a long moment, waiting for the doctor to come out. When he did and he saw the sad apologizing look in his eyes he was sure of it.

It had happened so fast, way too fast... He was gone too now… 

This time, Chan felt incredibly numb, and only found tears silently fall down his cheeks as he walked back to Felix’s hospital room.

Woojin, again, could only watch as Chan went though another loss. He walked beside him through the hallways, unable to offer any comfort.

They passed by a kid and their mother, the mother glancing sadly at Chan as she noticed the tears.

Woojin didn’t move away and just let the kid pass through him. It was a weird sensation honestly. Well, not a sensation, because he didn't feel her pass through him, but a feeling of emptiness and maybe loneliness too.

“Mama! Did you see that?! I passed right through him!”

Woojin turned around right away, shocked. Could she see him? How?

“What are you talking about, silly?” The mother laughed and they continued on their way.

The girl turned around one last time and met Woojin’s eyes. She smiled and waved at him. Woojin looked around, making sure he wasn’t hallucinating, there was only him in the hallway she could be waving to, so he waved back and let this weird event warm his soul for a moment before he caught back up with Chan.

-

They all listened to Jisung and Hyunjin attentively, but things were too messy, it was hard to really make sense of everything. There was a long awkward silence before Changbin took the lead.

“We don’t know enough and we don’t have time to search for answers so let’s just organize what we know. Maybe we can help, maybe we can still save everyone…”

His eyes found their way to Jisung who looked pretty calm despite everything.

“So, in the true reality we’re all alive and stuck in a bus with an unknown man that might be a bad guy. In the false reality, this reality, we’re dying one after another. We don’t know why we’re not in the true reality. Any guess?”

Silence. Changbin continued…

“Now, some of us woke up in the true reality, and some of us don’t even remember everything from the true reality.”

“This… I think it might have something to do with the death order somehow. Jeongin was the last to die, and he remembers everything, while Jisung was the first to die and he barely remembers anything,” Minho told them.

“Could seeing us, ghosts, also be related to the death order? Seungmin, he’s probably… he’s probably next and he saw Hyunjin, and Felix can see all of us even if he’s still alive,” Jeongin asked, hesitating on mentioning Seungmin’s condition, because it was too much of actuality.

“That would make sense, but Chan doesn’t see us,” Minho countered.

“Maybe… Maybe he won’t die?” Jeongin offered.

There was silence for a long moment.

“Maybe…” Minho responded with a tiny smile. “But if he stays alive in this false reality, what would happen to him?”

“Seungmin was able to wake up in the true reality even if he’s not dead in this one, so it doesn’t mean he won’t come back with us either,” Hyunjin suggested.

“Ok, everyone is keeping up?” Changbin asked, looking at Felix who had remained silent all this time. As expected, Felix grimaced in answer.

“I got the true and false reality part, I think,” Felix admitted.

“Ok, simply put, those who die last in the false reality remember more of the true reality and can see ghosts better.” Changbin explained quickly. “I’m also curious about the death order. Maybe there’s something more to it…” Changbin told them.

“Could it also be our death order in the true reality if things remain the same? Because we're also in danger in the true reality...” Jeongin asked hesitantly.

“It could…” Minho conceded, glancing worriedly at Jisung. “But we don’t have any proof of that yet. And that would mean that Chan is immune to whatever is happening to us in the true reality, since he might not die in the false one?”

“If he was immune, he would have woken up already, no?” Hyunjin asked.

“How much time has passed in the true reality you think?” Jisung asked.

“Not much,” Jeongin answered right away. “I remember entering the bus with you all. We were supposed to ride it back to the company, but we never made it. We fell asleep, it was night. When I woke up for a bit, it was still night and I don’t think we could have been there for days.” 

“So, the false reality’s time is quicker than the true reality’s time? That would actually be nice for once,” Jisung admitted. “It means I won’t get killed too soon,” he joked, but it only made things really awkward for a moment, with everyone looking at him disapprovingly.

He pouted and looked away as the others started talking again.

“What can we do with that information? Is there a way to use it so we can all get back to the true reality and save Jisung?” Changbin asked.

“I thought telling Chan would help, but now I’m not sure anymore. It’s not like he could do something either,” Minho sighed.

“We need to get at least someone to wake up in the true reality, that should be our priority,” Changbin decided. “Jeongin was able to wake up for a moment and Seungmin seems to be the most connected to the true reality since he noticed that Jisung was in trouble…”

“Maybe it’s like the death order… The last ones can wake up longer?” Hyunjin asked.

“But Jisung woke up too,” Minho countered.

“Ah… That might be because…” He lifted his glitching hands that he had tried to hide from the others until then in an attempt to worry them a little less, but he felt like it might be relevant to tell them. Only his hands and feet did that so far, and it wasn’t super apparent at first sight, but they all fixed his hands now and they noticed right away. “…because I’m about to die?” He told them hesitantly.

Minho took one of his hands right away, concern clear in his eyes as he inspected it.

Changbin sighed, looking angry, but also deeply worried, and Hyunjin cursed.

“Alright, so we’re still in a rush…” Changbin said, thinking deeply about everything for a long moment, clearly searching for a solution. “Felix… I think you might be our best bet.”

And they all knew exactly what it meant, except for the one it concerned most.

“Me? How?”

“You’re not really going to propose that are you?” Hyunjin asked, anxious.

“I don’t like it either, but I don’t think we have much of a choice at this point,” Changbin countered, and Hyunjin grimaced, knowing he was probably right.

“What’s going on? I don’t get it,” Felix admitted.

Changbin hated it. He hated that he had to say it, that they would have to make it happen, but if they were right, Felix could save all of them, including Jisung. There was nothing sure, they were still acting too blindly for comfort, but they had to keep moving forward, to keep trying despite not knowing what would happen with certainty.

“You’ll have to die,” Changbin finally answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, honestly, I can't wait for Stray Kids comeback! I mean, I love their new releases, but a brand new album of them would be sooooo awesome right now <3
> 
> On another note, I traded pcs and got myself Han's and Changbin's lenticular? And I am super happy? T_T
> 
> Anyway, you can always find me on Tumblr (Wakeyx) and Insta (Jessiebulby or Jessie_proof)! :)
> 
> Stay safe <3!


	30. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!! 
> 
> I'm so sorry I forgot to post this chapter on Monday! I was too caught up doing my fanart that it completely slipped out of my mind until it was past midnight... 
> 
> Anyway, here is the new chapter! :) 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! <3
> 
> Thanks!!

“What is wrong with you?!” Woojin exclaimed as he entered the room with Chan. Clearly, he had heard Changbin tell Felix that he had to die without context. Woojin walked up to them angrily and got between Changbin and Felix, as if to protect the latter. “How can you say something like this?” Woojin was completely outraged.

“Hyung…” Jeongin started, but couldn’t continue as Chan reached Felix’s bed, and it was enough to capture all their attention instantly.

“Hey… How are you feeling?” Chan asked softly, his voice ravaged by recurring pain and cries. His eyes were bloodshot, but his cheeks were dry. He had probably wiped the tears away before he arrived. It probably meant that Seungmin was dead too now…

They hated the thought of another one dying, even if there were high chances that it didn’t mean they were actually dead.

“Chan… I’m scared,” Felix admitted, still troubled by Changbin’s words. “What if… what if dying is the solution?”

“No, no. It’s never the solution, Felix,” Chan replied instantly, suddenly worried, but he still had a hard time continuing. He felt like a hypocrite. Hadn’t he thought of it too? Didn’t the respite of death seem tempting more than ever these past weeks? But he needed Felix to hold on a little longer.

He was his last piece of hope, his only remaining brother. He couldn’t lose him…

“You know… Life can be hard… Really, really hard,” he took a pause hardly swallowing down a sob as he quickly recalled the past weeks. “But, we don't know what might happen in the future, so as long as we live there’s still hope for things to get better.”

Felix remained lost in his thoughts for a long moment before he finally spoke up again.

“What if I could save someone I care about by dying? But I wouldn’t know if it truly saved them until I died?”

Chan frowned, confused.

“What are you talking about, Felix? What’s going on?”

“I-I don’t know… I'm not sure what is real and what is not anymore, but… the others… I can see them. I know it sounds crazy, but I really think they are not just hallucinations.”

“Felix…” Chan started, looking sorry.

“I knew before you told me that they weren’t alive anymore, because they told me themselves. Woojin, help me…” Felix looked at said ghost who quickly started talking. “You talked with Seungmin! He told you about the window next to your seat being open a bit and-and he died because of a panic attack? Is it right? Did it really happen?” Felix inquired after that, eyes full of hope, but also fear as it could all be false and then there just wouldn’t be any way to save them all anymore.

Chan remained shocked and pensive for a short moment, thoughts clearly quickly running through his head, and then he suddenly stood up.

“I’ll let you rest a bit more, ok?” He stuttered. “I’ll come see you later.”

Fear ran though Felix’s veins at that statement. Chan was going to leave him again? But Felix needed Chan by his side now! He didn’t want him to go!

“No, no, Chan, please, I don’t want you to leave! I won’t talk about it anymore, I promise! Just please… please stay,” Felix panicked, tears already running down his face.

“Felix, I…” Chan started to protest, but couldn’t seem to continue with Felix’s pleading eyes looking right at him.

“Felix, let him go,” Woojin told him softly, the others agreeing with him. Felix, didn’t want to listen to them. It angered him, because they didn’t know what it was like to talk to freaking ghosts while not knowing if they were truly real. They didn’t know how hard it was for him to be stuck in this hospital bed all day every day, strapped all over so he couldn’t move at all. And then they were telling him that he had to die!

“Shut up! Y’all just shut up! I’m tired of this! I-I just want things to go back to the way they were. I want to be free, I want you to be alive and well… I don’t want to die too!” He couldn’t keep going as heavy sobs escaped his throat. After a moment, he looked back at Chan pleadingly again. “Chan… Please… I’m scared…”

Chan was unable to leave after that, no matter how insane it sounded and how much he hated seeing Felix talk crazy. He couldn’t be that selfish. And maybe staying by his last brother’s side was the best thing to do right now, no matter how hard it was.

“O-ok, I won’t leave,” Chan agreed, caressing Felix hair in an attempt at comforting him.

It was almost automatic, Felix's sobs calmed down progressively, relaxing to Chan’s care. Chan started signing at some point, trying to kill the heavy silence around them. His voice resounded around all of them and embraced their souls like a warm hug.

They had missed his singing voice so much…

Touched and troubled, Jisung took Minho’s hand and dragged him out of the room, making eye contact with Changbin as well who joined them a few seconds later.

“We need to find another way. I know I’m running out of time, but… I prefer if we find a way without having him dying too.”

“Jisung, we don’t have any other choice right now if we want to save you,” Changbin countered.

“Then, I don’t mind losing my life!” Han replied decisively. “What if we’re wrong? What if he dies here and it doesn’t change anything? We don’t know anything for sure, we might kill him for real by killing him in this reality!”

“We don’t want him to die either, Jisung…” Changbin replied, clearly conflicted but also annoyed with the situation.

Minho finally took the lead of the conversation.

“Listen, Jisung, we have four options: If Felix dies and we’re right, we might all survive in the true reality; if Felix dies and there’s no true reality, Felix dies too; if we do nothing and there’s no true reality, Felix and Chan might survive; and if we do nothing but we’re right, then… everyone dies. We have to gamble on uncertainties. As for me, I want to gamble on the possibility that we’ll all survive somehow. What do you want to do?”

Jisung could understand their choice, but it still bothered him a lot. It was his fault if they were in such a rush now.

“Jisung! Oh god Jisung!” They turned around to see Seungmin running to them. Seungmin hugged Jisung tightly as soon as he reached him. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything. It was my fault!”

They were all happy to finally see him, it made them feel somewhat relieved even if it confirmed that he was also dead. However, Seungmin apologizing like this was weird.

“What? Your fault?” Minho asked, confused.

“It was me who called the police, but, I don’t know why, the man thought it was Jisung, that’s why he took him away.”

Oh, now that made more sense.

“Don’t worry about it, you did really well to call the police!” Jisung complimented him.

“When I… died? I was able to wake up better in the true reality. The man exited the bus with you, and I think I did something good!” Seungmin continued with a light proud smile.

“What do you mean?” Changbin asked, curious.

“Ok, so every time I woke up in the true reality, I felt very dizzy and my chest hurt, so I thought about things that could cause these kinds of symptoms. The answer I came to was CO2 intoxication.”

The others were looking at him, impressed. Gosh they had had so much trouble finding and organizing all the information they had gathered, yet Seungmin had been able to realize so much by himself. He was truly brilliant… Years of being an example student had clearly paid.

“And when I died, I woke up longer and I felt more in control of my body, so I did what I could with the little time and energy I had… I opened Chan’s window completely. He was the last in the bus and he’s more athletic, so I thought that he might be less affected and that he would probably have a much better chance to help us.”

There was silence for a second before they were all on him, hugging and praising him. Firstly, it was also even more proof to support their theory about the true reality! Secondly, Seungmin was a genius to have opened the bus’s window! Maybe it would help indeed!

Finally, things were looking up!

There really was still hope!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding the fanart, I'll probably post it this week, so if you want to check it out, don't hesitate to follow me on Insta (Jessiebulby or Jessie_proof)! It's a Yoongi fanart I made with my new surface (birthday present from me to me in advance) <3
> 
> Also, Got7's comeback is AMZING!!! These guys look like freaking Gods and their whole album is just soooo good <3


	31. Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> There's only 4 chapters left after this one! ^.^ 
> 
> Things are calm now, but there's still more angst and action coming :)
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

Chan kept thinking about many things while Felix slept. The conversations he had had with Jeongin, Seungmin and Felix… They had so many things in common. Jeongin and Felix said the others were here too. Felix knew about what had happened with Seungmin, and what he had said was too precise to be pure coincidence. Now, he didn’t know if he could actually believe everything Seungmin had told him, but Felix… there were real scary proofs supporting him.

Yet, how could he be right? It was all too insane…

He pushed the messy thoughts away. He was so incredibly tired. He hadn’t slept in weeks. He had only been able to close is eyes and fall into a drowsy state, but never fall into the deep sleep he so desperately needed. He could feel the insomnia taking a real toll on his body and mind now. He felt unbearably weak, he had trouble concentrating and he had an intensifying headache. He knew sleep deprivation wouldn’t kill him, the most it could do is let him fall unconscious if it became too much for his body to handle.

He was doing awful, but at least he would be ok, wouldn’t he?

“Bang Chan? I’m here to check your vitals,” a nurse said, startling him out of his thoughts.

“Y-yes, of course, please do,” Chan told her, lifting his shirt’s sleeve up so she could take his pressure.

His arm was covered in still fresh scars from the time he had tried to save Jisung, and looking at them brought back a lot of pain. He remained silent as the nurse did as usual, but this time she looked concerned a bit.

“What is it?” He asked.

“Your blood pressure keeps rising, and it looks like you have a little fever. I’ll bring you something that might help. You should try to get some rest in the bed here,” she said, motioning to the bed beside Felix’s. “Also… When was the last time you ate a balanced meal?”

“Ah, I don’t remember…” He admitted, and truly he couldn’t recall at all. He had drunk water and coffee, but he couldn’t even tell when he had eaten at least a snack. Maybe 3 days ago? Hunger was lost to him amongst all the pain and exhaustion.

“I’ll bring you something to eat, then,” she told him.

“Thank you, miss,” he answered.

When she came back with tray full of food and an IV bag later, she scolded him for still not being in bed and waited until he had eaten half his lunch before she left. She offered to give him something to help him sleep and some pills to help with the light fever and headache he had.

It was nice of her, he thought. And with this, he let himself lie down for a moment, closing his eyes and hoping he would just lose consciousness.

-

“At least, he can focus on himself now…” Woojin commented. “Still, I won’t let you bother Felix with that stupid idea of yours. We can’t tell him to die!”

“Woojin, let us explains! We’re so close to saving everyone!” Hyunjin tried. “Seungmin proved us that it’s all true!”

Hyunjin explained briefly how Seungmin had woken up in the other reality and did everything he could to help them, but he didn't get to tell him everything before Woojin continued his protests.

“We still have time then right? Now that Seungmin has opened the window, it will probably also give all of us some more time. Help is on the way anyway, no? So, why bother trying to encourage Felix to die? That’s stupid, reckless and selfish!”

“No, you don’t get it, Jisung…” Seungmin started, but said boy stopped him by taking his hand.

“He’s right… We should wait,” Jisung said, surprising everyone.

“Ah no, you don’t get to act all self-sacrificial!” Changbin roared right away, taking Jisung’s wrist and lifting up his hand to show Woojin. “You see those glitches? He’s about to get killed. We can’t wait anymore, so stop trying to be all righteous when you don’t know everything.”

“W-what? How?”

“The man we think is trying to kill us took Jisung out of the bus. He was really angry at him because he thought Jisung was the one who called the police, when it was actually me,” Seungmin explained.

“Oh… Ok, that changes the situation a lot,” Woojin sighed, looking worriedly at Felix then back at his friends. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know about that. But still… Do you really plan on doing it? I mean… I don’t feel comfortable at all with this whole thing.”

“None of us is comfortable with this plan either,” Hyunjin admitted.

“Even I’m not super comfortable,” Seungmin admitted. “And I’m pretty sure it’s going to work.”

“There’s something that bothers me though…” Hyunjin started then. “Felix is not sane mentally all the time. To let him kill himself, we would have to find a way to set him free from his bed. But what if he loses it and he can’t see us again? It happened before, but at least he was strapped. Now, he would be able to run away.”

“The voice is telling him to kill himself anyway, no?” Minho countered.

“Yeah, but it still bothers me. I mean… We’re all weird cases, so he’s no different. What if the voice tells him something else?”

Changbin walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder comfortingly.

“We’ll face the problems if we actually have to face them, alright?”

“Anyway, we have Changbin’s magical lovey-dovey hug to bring him back if anything happens,” Jisung teased him.

Changbin glared at him, but Minho and Hyunjin laughed at that, remembering how random it had been.

“I did that on a hunch and it worked so shut up,” he mumbled, embarrassed.

“Guess we missed something funny?” Woojin said, clearly curious.

Jisung started explaining and imitating the scene with Minho to show how cringy, but still very sweet, it had been, even if neither would ever admit it.

Changbin was pouting, embarrassed, but the mood was up and it was so incredibly nice. They could allow themselves a bit of respite now that they had a hopeful plan. It was like they could breathe again after so long…

\----

Thank you for reading this chapter! I hope you liked it!!

I also just wanted to share my art with you because I'm proud of it, so here it is: 

Follow me on Instagram! @Jessie_proof (or @Jessiebulby)


	32. Saviour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Who will be their saviour? :)
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be 2 chapters, but I decided to make one out of them instead, because I can :) Hope you like it!
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

“Felix is awake!” Jeongin informed the others as their brother finally opened his eyes.

“Felix!” Seungmin exclaimed happily.

“Seungmin… It’s been a while,” Felix answered back drowsily.

“How are you feeling?” Seungmin asked.

“My back is super itchy and I’m hungry,” he complained.

“The nurse comes three times a day to feed him and… uhm… change his diaper,” Jisung explained with a wince.

At first, they had made fun of him, but they had quickly caught onto the fact that it was terribly humiliating for Felix and inevitable in the state he was in, so they had stopped.

“Ah shit, poor you,” Seungmin commented.

“Yeah, it sucks.”

An awkward silence settled between all of them, but Changbin decided to end it before it got too heavy. No one wanted to talk about it, neither did he, but they had no choice.

“Felix… We need your help.”

No answer or reaction from him, except for the fact that he wouldn’t look at Changbin at all.

“We have more proofs that our theory is right, thanks to Seungmin,” Hyunjin added.

Felix looked at Seungmin, seeking comfirmation.

“It’s true.”

Felix still remained silent.

“We know it’s scary, and we’ll be with you through it all, don’t worry,” Hyunjin reassured him.

“Yeah, we’ll support you! You can count on us!” Jeongin added.

Felix’s expression became sad at Hyunjin and Jeongin’s words, tears pooling in his eyes.

“You swear? I’m scared…” He sobbed.

“We swear!” They all answered right away.

“I know you’re scared, and it will be difficult to do it, but… but I know you’ll be able to save us in the end,” Changbin added.

“Our saviour!” Jeongin cheered on him.

They all let out soft laughs at Jeongin’s childish attempt at encouraging Felix to accept, before they continued with their conversation.

“What do I have to do when I wake up in the true reality?”

Seungmin explained that they were most likely intoxicated with CO2 and why waking up Chan was their best option as he would most likely be the least affected by the gas - especially thanks to Seungmin’s genius idea of opening the closest window to Chan - and so the most likely to be able to save Jisung.

“Ok, so the priority is to wake up Chan.”

“Yup.”

“Now, we have to find a way to free you…” Hyunjin started.

“Can you try to convince Chan to help you with that?” Minho asked.

“I doubt that will work. He doesn’t believe Felix, and he probably wants to keep him away from danger the most, even if it means keeping him strapped to the bed,” Woojin commented, already thinking of another solution.

“We’ll look for another way, but try to convince him anyway, ok?” Changbin offered.

Felix agreed. He still looked scared and unsure, but he was calmer now and more receptive to their ideas. Things were going in the right way again. But how long would it last?

Minho’s eyes wandered to Jisung’s hands. They glitched even more now, and it went up over his wrist, about mid-forearm, already. He didn’t want to stress too much about it as it wouldn’t change a thing anyway since they were already doing their best, but he couldn’t help it. Instinctively, he reached out to grab Jisung’s glitching hand. The feeling was weird between his fingers, as if his skin fizzled sporadically, but at least it reassured him that Jisung was still here.

They would be ok, right? They were doing great, there was still hope.

-

Chan was again in a drowsy state. He swore he dreamt too. He heard his brothers’ voices. They were so close…

He wanted them back. He missed them all so much.

He found his eyes fluttering open again, hoping to just see them alive and well, that it would have all been a terrible and very realistic nightmare. 

No one. There was no one else.

But, Felix was talking, as if taking part in a conversation.

“Felix? Who are you talking to?” Chan asked sitting in the bed and rubbing his face to fully bring himself back to reality.

“Chan… Were you able to get some sleep?” Felix asked. Chan stood up and sat beside Felix’s bed.

“Nope, not really.”

“Oh…” Felix didn’t know what to answer to that. He wished Chan could defeat his insomnia. He needed to sleep so badly, and it worried Felix that there was no cure for his symptoms either. An awkward silence settled between them for a moment. He looked at his friends around them and they encourage him to try to convince Chan. “Chan…” Felix started hesitantly. “Can you… can you help me?”

“What is it? What do you need?” Chan asked back in a caring tone that pained Felix, especially because of their plan. He hated that he would have to make Chan suffer even more...

“Please… Please, unstrap me.”

Chan sighed in discouragement.

“Felix, you know I can’t.”

“Please! I just…”

“I can’t, Felix!” Chan stated decisively.

It was hard for Chan to refuse Felix’s demand and see the hurt in his eyes. His little brother was going through so much, and moreover he was stuck barely able to move in his hospital bed.

“I’m sorry… I can’t risk anything, I can't risk losing you too...” Chan admitted sadly. “You can hate me if you want.”

“I would never hate you,” Felix replied softly. “I… It’s just so unfair.”

“I know.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course!”

“If there was a wild chance to save everyone, would you take it?” Felix asked.

“Of course, I would,” Chan scoffed. “But it’s too late…”

“If you unstrap me, I’ll do my best so we can save everyone.”

“There’s nothing we can do, Felix. They are already gone.”

“That’s what you think, but I know the truth.”

“No, you don’t,” now Chan was getting angry. “You think you see ghosts, but ghosts don’t exist.”

“You never said that what Woojin told me about Seungmin’s death was false!” Felix countered.

“IT WAS!” Chan screamed back. “It was false, you invented all of that! Seungmin…Yes, he’s dead, but not the way ‘ _Woojin’_ told you it happened.”

Felix’s eyes wandered elsewhere in the room, looking hurt and confused. After a moment though, Felix looked even angrier.

“You’re lying. You’re lying, because it’s easier to think that I’ve lost my mind, than to admit that what I hear and see might be real!”

Chan couldn’t accept being called out like that, he stood up suddenly and turned his back to Felix, heading outside the room.

“IF YOU JUST BELIEVED ME, WE COULD SAVE JISUNG TOO!” Felix yelled, desperate to get him to admit everything somehow. “I won’t forgive you if he dies for real this time…” That last cry was full of anguish and said more softly, as he realized that he didn’t want to say these words out loud.

He knew he would probably feel this way if it happened, despite the logical part of his mind that was telling him it wasn’t Chan’s fault and he didn’t deserve to be blamed at all.

Feelings could be stronger than logic sometimes, and Felix hated it.

He just wanted to save Jisung too…

-

Chan stopped right outside the room, shocked by Felix’s words and also shameful of the lies he had told him. He remembered how Seungmin had told him about Jisung too.

Another thing that Felix wasn’t supposed to know about.

It was all too weird. And maybe he was stupid, because he really started doubting himself, thinking that maybe Felix was telling the truth.

Shit… What should he do now? Was he ready to risk losing Felix in the crazy perspective that there was something more he didn’t know about and that it could bring all his friends back and save Jisung from whatever danger he was in?

He struggled to decide on what to do. His exhausted mind wasn’t helping in clearing his thoughts and doubts like it used to.

Maybe a bit of fresh air would help him make a decision.

-

“Guys… I think I know of another way,” Woojin admitted suddenly. “I just remembered. I’m not sure if I imagined it, but I think someone alive saw me when I was with Chan. It was a little girl…”

“A little girl?” Changbin asked.

“Yeah, maybe, if she can see ghosts, we could ask her for help!” Woojin answered.

“Are we really going to involve a little girl into this?” Hyunjin asked, clearly not liking the idea.

“We might not be able to get help from Chan soon enough, so we should definitely try everything,” Minho told them.

They all could only agree.

“Alright, Woojin, Jeongin and Hyunjin will search for the girl,” Changbin decided. “She might only be able to see Woojin, and if she’s able to see others too Jeongin and Hyunjin are probably the ones that she might like most.”

The room was almost instantly filled with unnecessary protestations from the others regarding that last part.

“Actually, Jisung and Minho make a pretty good team with kids,” Jeongin commented and everyone looked at the mentioned boys surprised for a moment, even Jisung and Minho looked surprised.

“Ok, maybe you’re right, but… I want Jisung to stay here. If anything happens, we need him where we can find him,” Changbin admitted. “Anyway, we don’t have time to lose arguing like this! You three go now!”

And just like that the three chosen left quickly, searching for their other possible little saviour. They ran in the hospital until they reached the children’s part of the hospital. It was quite far from where they were being quarantined, but they finally made it.

They went through every room until they finally found the one. They didn’t enter right away though. The little girl was sitting on her bed, drawing something with her mother.

“We’ll need her mother to leave before we talk to her,” Woojin told them.

“She doesn’t look good, that little girl,” Jeongin commented sadly.

She must have been around 9 years old, wore a cute pink bonnet, and had abnormally white skin and deep dark circles under her eyes. Even if she smiled, they could see how unwell she really was.

“Even if this is a false reality, it’s still a reality! It’s not good to make her walk so far from her room to our room! She clearly needs to save her energy,” Hyunjin added.

“I hate to bring that up, but… What if she saw me, because she’s going to die soon?” Woojin said.

“So… She’ll probably die anyway…” Hyunjin concluded.

There was silence for a long moment. They had been so preoccupied with their own problems, and obviously it wasn’t a bad thing considering their situation, but it was a harsh blow back to reality. Even this reality that they called “false” was a reality on its own, where people were living and hurting just like them. They weren’t some NPC in a game… They were living people too.

Woojin sighed heavily and sat beside the door.

“Can’t wait to be back to our reality.”

“Me too,” Jeongin agreed, sitting beside him, Hyunjin joining soon after.

It took hours before her mother finally left. She looked exhausted, and they all could see in her tired and hurt-filled eyes that she also knew that her daughter didn’t have much time left.

“Let’s at least make it fun for her, ok?” Woojin told Hyunjin and Jeongin before they entered the room.

The girl was asleep, she looked peaceful. Gosh, they hated that they had to do that.

“Hey, princess,” Woojin whispered. “Wake up, little princess. Come on, let’s go have fun?”

“Cringy,” Hyunjin commented with a disgusted expression, Jeongin nodding in agreement.

“Try doing better!” Woojin replied, offended.

The girl woke up with a groan.

“Mama?” She asked.

“Ah, no, my name’s Woojin.”

“Mister Ghost,” she replied.

“Yeah, Mister Ghosts! What’s your name, princess?”

“Hana,” she answered, still drowsy.

“What a beautiful name… I’m bored, do you want to come play with me?”

The girl smiled and nodded.

“Can you see us too?” Jeongin asked.

She looked at him and Hyunjin and nodded.

“Great! Let’s have fun together!” Jeongin smiled brightly.

“Yes! Do you want to go on an adventure?” Hyunjin asked.

And she sat up in bed, clearly getting excited about the fun they would have together. And just like that, the three boys and the girl started going through the hospital guiding her with games and imagining all kinds of awesome creatures and traps, careful to make sure that she never laughed or talked too loud, and making sure they passed through the hallways only if they were empty, or hid when people would pass by.

They truly had fun, despite the initial reason they were doing this. She looked bright and like she was having the best time ever.

Finally, they reached Felix’s room.

“In this room, there’s one of our friends. But he’s kept there by the bad guy. We need to save him!” Woojin told the girl as they hid near said room.

“I’ll go make sure the bad guy is gone, ok?” Hyunjin told them before going into the room ‘furtively’.

Hyunjin saw Chan drowsily sitting by Felix’s bedside. They looked like they hadn’t really spoken since their conversation of earlier.

Felix made eye-contact with Hyunjin in an instant.

“Find a way to get him out of here, alright?” He told him.

“Chan? Chan, are you awake?” Felix asked softly.

“Hmm? What is it? What can I do for you?” He answered right away, pushing the drowsiness away in a matter of seconds.

“Can you get me some pudding from the cafeteria please? The vanilla one? I’m craving sugar,” Felix complained, his acting being a little too obvious for the others, but it seemed to pass right under Chan’s nose.

“Alright, I can even get you two,” Chan agreed instantly, a little smile on his lips, and he was gone almost right away.

Then, Hyunjin signaled to the trio to come into the room and told the others how to act when Hana entered.

“Our saviour!” They exclaimed happily bowing to her as she entered the room.

She smiled brightly, clearly liking the attention.

“It’s our friend here. Please save him!” Jeongin motioned to Felix.

“I’ve been tied here by the bad guy! Help!” Felix added.

“I’m gonna save you!” She announced dramatically, and they all smiled softly at that.

She walked up to the strap, but was confused as to how to remove them, so they explained it to her attentively. It was a bit hard for her, but they cheered on her and encouraged her, telling her she was doing great. And finally, it came undone.

Felix lifted his arm up in the air and moved it a bit, tears in his eyes as he thanked her again and again for freeing him. He quickly freed himself from the other straps.

“You were awesome! You are a true saviour!” Hyunjin told her. “Let’s go back to your room now?”

Despite Hyunjin’s offer, Hana didn’t seem so energetic anymore. She yawned and rubbed her eyes.

“I’m tired. Can you carry me?” She asked.

“I would love to, sweety, but we’re ghosts remember? It won’t work.”

“And Felix has been held by the bad guy for too long, it would be dangerous if he carried you,” Woojin added. “Do you want to sleep in one of the beds here instead?”

She nodded and they led her to what used to be Jeongin’s bed.

“The bad guy…” The little girl started as she lied in the bed.

“Don’t worry, he will never hurt you. You’re way stronger than him anyway,” Woojin comforted her. “Sleep well, little saviour.”

They hoped from the deepest part of their hearts that she would survive whatever illness she was fighting, and if she wasn’t able to win over her illness, that at least she really had a great memorable time with all of them.

She was asleep in a matter of seconds, allowing them to finally leave the room with Felix.

Now… They had to face the hardest part of their plan: Felix’s death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put myself in a potential scam situation again regarding photocards trading and I hate myself :) Ah... I wish I really haven't been scammed again :( Anyway, because of that I've been feeling super anxious and depressed...
> 
> I hope that you are all safe and that you enjoyed this chapter <3
> 
> Please leave a comment ^.^


	33. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> This is a huge heavy chapter, and I really hope you'll like it even if it'll hurt :) I could've divised that in two chapters, but I didn't so I guess you'll have to deal with it? X) 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm, suicide, blood
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

Chan was walking back to the room, happy to bring something that would make Felix feel maybe a bit better.

They hadn’t talked about their earlier conversation, because Felix was asleep when he had arrived. And he was honestly still really confused, so he didn’t know if he was ready to discuss the subject again. Felix seemed to feel it too, so he didn’t say much.

Even before he reached the room, Chan felt uneasy. Something was not right.

He dropped the puddings to the ground when he finally saw Felix’s empty bed.

“No… No, where… Felix? Felix please, don’t play hide and seek now! It's not funny!” Chan yelled, looking around and then his eyes fell on the small slowly waking form in Jeongin’s bed. He reached it and softly greeted the little girl sleeping in it, apologizing for having woken her up. “Hey, sweety, do you happen to know where my friend went?”

“They escaped the bad guy,” she mumbled drowsily.

“They? Who was he with?”

“Mister Ghost and his friends,” she said.

Mister Ghost? What?

“He didn’t tell you his name, this Mister Ghost?”

“Woozin… ‘m sleepy,” she complained.

Wait… No, that didn’t make sense… Did she really mean Woojin?

“Mister, are you the bad guy?” She asked, he quickly denied it and told her to go back to sleep, but it felt like he actually was now.

His friends… Had they really become ghosts and stood by his and Felix’s side all this time?

It felt like he was going crazy. If Felix was right… Ah he didn’t know what to do with this information, but he didn’t have time to think about it any longer. He needed to find Felix right away, even if he was right. He needed to protect him no matter what.

-

They had talked about the best way to do it. Felix had opted for jumping from the hospital roof. It would probably be a terrifying experience, but at least he wouldn’t have to hurt himself.

They reached the door to the roof as fast as they could with Felix still unstable legs after weeks of being stuck in bed.

Felix tried to open it, but it was locked. He cursed and the others started thinking about a way to solve the problem. They didn’t have time to be stuck or hesitating.

“Let’s go back down. We’ll find another way,” Changbin told him.

_Don’t lissssten to him._

They all stopped in their track and looked back at Felix who had a fearful look on his face.

“Shit! I knew it would happen!” Hyunjin yelled, angry.

“Felix, no matter what, remember what the priority is! Wake Chan up!” Minho told him and they started going down again.

_He just wants you to die. They all want you to die. You’re uselessssss to them, worthlessssss, NOTHING!_

“Don’t listen to it! You know it’s all lies!” Changbin screamed, trying to cover the sound of the voice.

“Felix, we love you and you’e dear to us! You know we wouldn’t ask you to do this if we had another choice!” Hyunjin added.

_LIES! THEY ARE THE LIARS!_

_THEY AREN’T EVEN REAL!_

Felix was trying to block his ears, but it didn’t work. He finally exited the staircase and ran, looking around each room for an idea to reach his goal, trying hard to focus on his priority.

_NO! DON’T LISSSSTEN TO THEM!_

The voice took a pause, and came back suddenly softer.

_You want to live, right? Death is ssssscary…_

Felix stopped running abruptly, shaking his head as if it would help him make the voice and accompanying thoughts go away.

“I don’t want to die…” He admitted weakly.

“Felix! Felix! It’s ok! We don’t belong in this reality anyway!” He heard Seungmin say, but his voice felt like it was so far away. At least, he could still see his friends beside him, even if they where somewhat slightly more translucent than they should be.

He breathed in and out deeply, before trying to focus back on his goal.

Beside him there was an unoccupied operation room. He went into it and started searching for something useful, and finally he found the surgery knives stock, all packaged in individual sterile bags.

_Don’t take it! It’ssss too ssscary!_

Felix hesitated.

_Friends don’t tell each other to die! THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ARE WRONG!_

“Felix? We’re sorry, we know it’s awful! We love you! Please, keep going, you’re doing good!” Woojin’s far away voice kept on encouraging him.

It felt weird. The roles had changed and it was so confusing for him. The voice used to tell him to kill himself and his friends were telling him to live, but now it was the opposite. He hated it. Why didn’t the voice agree with them?

“I’m scared! Why is it telling me all this!?” He screamed, unable to continue with their initial plan. “It doesn’t make sense!”

“Listen to me right now, Felix! You’re going through a psychotic episode, it’s not supposed to make sense! But we talked, we proved that we were real, and that the true reality is what we should go back to! This is real, we’re fighting against all odds to save all of us!”

Changbin… Changbin’s voice was so much clearer. It felt real and true. The voice disappeared entirely.

Felix nodded, closed his eyes and took a couple of knives blindly before exiting the room. Where to go now?

“FELIX!” The voice boomed in the hallway.

Felix recognized it right away and fear ran through his body.

It was Chan, a couple of metres away, looking at him with worry and clear dread. Felix sent him an apologizing look before he dashed into the washroom across from him and quickly closed the door behind him, locking it right away.

Chan was banging on it seconds later.

“No! Felix! Whatever you’re planning, please don’t do it! PLEASE!” Chan voice broke with desperation. It hurt Felix so freaking much. Tears started streaming down his face.

“I’m sorry, Chan… I’m so sorry, but I have to do it!” He cried, pressing his forehead against the door. “You’ll see… It’s for the better.”

He took a few steps back and took one of the knives, letting the others fall to the ground. He removed the package and positioned the blade above his forearm. Before he kept going he looked back at his friends. They didn’t like it, clearly. They were concerned, and also scared, but they were there.

“I’m so scared,” he repeated again.

“We know…” Changbin and the others surrounded him in an embracing-like position. Strangely he could feel their warmth even if they were ghosts. “We’re here with you.”

“Save us, ok?” Minho asked.

“Let’s see each other soon,” Jeongin added.

And then there was an invisible pressure on his arm holding the knife. Weirdly, there was no pain. He knew it wasn’t normal, cutting himself should have hurt like hell, but maybe it was thanks to his ghostly friends… He didn’t really know, but before he knew it, the knife had already pierced his skin and slid down the entire length of both his arms. He found himself staggering backward until his back hit the wall behind him and he slumped down to the ground. Blood poured out of his arms, but he didn't want to look at it pooling around him. The others gathered around him. Now that they were not embracing him anymore, he felt incredibly cold and dizzy. His arms burned now, but he could feel that he didn’t have much longer to support this uncomfortable situation.

He could still hear Chan, accompanied by other people, screaming at him to open the door. They would surely smash it down soon… But it would be too late.

“Don’t forget to wake up Chan,” the boys reminded him as they watched him fade away in front of them.

“I won’t. I’ll save you… I promise…” He mumbled before closing his eyes and letting himself completely be swallowed by darkness.

-

As soon as the door was forced open, Chan ran up to Felix’s bleeding form on the ground.

“NO! NO! No, you weren’t… You were supposed to stay with me!” Chan yelled, voice breaking under the anger and overwhelming emotions he felt. As soon as he cradled him in his arms, he knew that it was too late, he was too cold, there was too much blood on the floor, it had taken too long for them to smash down that damn door. “Why couldn't you stay with me? Why didn't you just...” He started, but stopped suddenly, knowing who to blame. “Fucking ghosts! How could you do this to me! You were supposed to be my friends! You were my brothers! Why did you take him away!? I HATE YOU!” Chan yelled with deep rage and grudge, looking around, as if he could see them. “I… I… How can I go on, uh?! I’m all alone now…” He broke down, heartbreaking wails escaping his throat.

Then, hands were all over him, dragging him away from Felix’s corpse. The nurses and doctors then took Felix to another room, trying to reanimate him.

Hours later, it was confirmed. Felix was dead.

Chan unconsciously walked back to the room they had shared, but he found himself facing an uncomfortably empty room.

So, he left.

There was somewhere else he preferred to be, even if it would be as empty and lifeless as this room was, probably even worse.

It just held better memories.

-

The ghosts cried and hurt as they watched Chan hold onto Felix. It pained them to be blamed for taking him away from him, for leaving him alone, but he was right, if they hadn’t interfered things would have turned out differently, Felix might have survived in this reality. They still tried to comfort themselves that Chan’s suffering wouldn’t last long, that they would all be back together soon, but it was still an incredibly difficult experience to go through.

They were confused when Chan left the hospital and took the bus. It made sense to them quickly enough though, as they soon recognized the direction they were going to.

They felt even sadder when they arrived at their old dorm.

-

Warning banners were all over the place, but Chan didn’t care about them. He passed them without hesitation and walked up the stairs. Each floor brought its own flashback, fuzzy memories of happy days and clear memories of sadder days. Weirdly, the more he thought about it the more it was hard to recall what before was like.

He could clearly remember some specific things though, like staying late with Han and Changbin, maybe doing homework while listening to music. There was also Jeongin’s contagious smile covered in braces, and Seungmin being a pure, but annoying little brother, Hyunjin being really cuddly, Woojin helping him cook for everyone and Felix playing video games.

Ah… He missed them, and the heavy nostalgia that came with this thought made him stop in his track, only to realize that he had just reached their old dorm. He opened the damaged door, its creaking sound breaking the silence around him like thunder.

The sight before him was beautiful.

He could clearly see the sunset on the horizon, a big part of the far-back wall having been eaten completely by the fire.

“I’m home,” he announced and walked in.

The floor creaked every step Chan took inside their old dorm, threatening to collapse under his weight, but he didn’t care. He kept walking, looking around.

Again, clear images of the past appearing before him as he progressively made his way inside the ravaged dorm.

_“No, cut it like this instead, it’s easier to eat that way,” Chan told Woojin._

_“It’s smells sooo good!” Felix commented as he entered the kitchen, looking hungrily at what they were preparing._

_“Felix! It’s your turn!” Jeongin called from the living room._

_Just like that, Felix ran back to the living room, taking the game control from Seungmin’s hands and looking ready to kick his opponent’s butt, which was Jeongin. Seungmin who had lost the game stood up and went to search for someone to spend his free time with until dinner was ready. He found Minho and Jisung hanging out in Jisung’s room, playing on their phones._

_“You’re boring,” he told them, and they responded with funny faces._

_He went to Changbin’s room next._

_“What are you doing?” He asked curious._

_“Writing lyrics,” Changbin answered._

Writing lyrics? Yeah, that’s right, they did that. They also danced and sang and… wait...

He felt even more nostalgic thinking about it for some reason, and as he thought about all his friends now, he could recall them all sharing moments together related to music. How they would practice choreographies together daily, and sing, and produce…

Were they in a music-related program? Wait, why couldn’t he remember what exact program he was in already?

Maybe it was the insomnia, it made him forgetful probably. He walked back to the burned down living room to look at the setting sun.

“You’re all here aren’t you. Ah, am I going crazy too? Talking to ghosts, really… Well, I guess it doesn’t matter if I lost it or not at this point. How can I live without you anyway?” He looked up at the ceiling, either to contain the building up tears or because it felt natural to speak this way to beings he couldn’t see. “Even if I resent you for leaving me,” his voice became heavy. “I still love you all, ok? I’ll love you and miss you until I take my last breath.”

He let himself cry his heart out again. It probably wouldn’t be the last time anyway in his life.

“Felix… Y-you said that you would save everyone… You promised… Why did you break your promise, uh? It’s not fair. Why am I left alone?”

He sobbed a little more and only calmed down after a moment. Soon everything before him would be submerged in darkness, the sun quickly fading on the horizon.

“I’m tired…” He mumbled.

He wanted to sleep and never wake up…

-

Felix woke up with a start, gasping for air but realized soon enough that it only made the pain in his chest worse. He looked around confused, but then all his memories came back. He stood up, but his legs collapsed under him right away and he fell to the ground beside his chair. He looked at the seat just behind his. He was so happy to have sat just in front of Chan. Seungmin’s unconscious form laid on the ground by Chan’s feet. He didn’t have time to worry about him though. He knew his priority well, as the others had repeated so many times, so he hardly passed over Seungmin to reach Chan.

“Chan-hyung! CHAN! WAKE UP!” He yelled, shaking him, even if he was hurting and out of breath.

He tried to shake him as best he could, but he remained unresponsive. Then, something caught his attention, the angry screams of a man outside. Right! Jisung! Jisung was in danger!

“WAKE UP NOW! PLEASE! Please…” He tried once again.

Nothing. Still no response! No, Chan had to wake up! He was their only hope to save Jisung! But Felix was already starting to lose consciousness. He had to try one last time!

“Please… Chan… We need you…”

It was too hard to breathe and his muscles felt weak, so he couldn’t even shake him anymore. Just… Just one more try…

“Please, just… just wake up…”

Chan…

-

Chan was still sniffling, looking at the sunset with his heart broken and his emotions bleeding out of him.

But then he was startled by a sudden voice booming around him. A voice he knew too well…

_Chan-hyung! CHAN! WAKE UP!_

Chan stumbled backwards, taken aback by Felix’s sudden clear voice calling out to him. His vision blurred and his legs buckled under him. He felt dizzy as if something was tugging at his consciousness.

“Felix?” His voice was shaky with both fear and hope.

_WAKE UP NOW! PLEASE! Please…_

Chan felt like he was forcefully being sucked into a weird scary nightmare. What the hell was happening?!

_Please… Chan… We need you…_

Felix sounded out of breath and hurt, and it was enough to let him make up his mind.

Chan forced his eyes open, took a deep breath and waited for the next wave.

He wouldn’t fight it this time.

He was giving life a chance to prove that there might still be hope, that Felix hadn’t actually broken his promise.

_Please, just… just wake up…_

He let himself be sucked in…

-

When they saw Chan collapse, they felt incredibly sorry and uneasy, but then Seungmin sighed in relief, taking them aback.

“It’s going to be ok, I’m sure of it! Felix did it,” Seungmin told them and they all smiled at that. They needed to hear these comforting words.

“Yeah! Let’s just wait and see, we’re definitely be joining…” Jisung didn’t get to finish his sentence, a sudden cry escaping his throat. He doubled over and fell to the ground a moment later, holding onto his abdomen, a pained expression on his face.

“Jisung! What’s going on?” Minho asked, worried.

And then they all saw him glitching more than ever before, from all over. Fear gripped at their insides...

No...

It couldn't be... Were they too late?

“I’m sorry…” Jisung muttered weakly, looking at them with a fearful expression, and then disappeared completely before their eyes.

“JISUNG! NO! No… Shit! Just a little longer, we needed just a bit more time!” Changbin screamed in despair falling on his knees and punching the ground once, angry at the unfairness of the situation.

They had been so close...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need someone to stop me from buying any more albums, this is getting out of control T_T 
> 
> On another note, 
> 
> 1\. I got Han's lenticular from a trade and I'm so happy? Like I almost cried in happiness? He's my ult bias, so I'll cherish that card with my whole soul <3 
> 
> 2\. I received Got7's Flight Log: Arrival (my favourite album from them) signed by Jackson (one of my bias wreckers from Got7) and I feel blessed T_T I got it for almost nothing because the person just wanted to get rid of their albums as soon as possible...
> 
> My collection contains 75 albums (including 17 signed items) as of now, what about yours? :)


	34. Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> So this is it, this is the last chapter :) It was a great adventure with our boys T_T
> 
> Just a note:  
> The ending was not what I had planned, and I'm kind of not really satisfied with it? That's because it's an open ending and I have a hard time with those... I could continue this fic, make a part two of it, but it'll depends on the comments I get and my own motivation to be honest :o 
> 
> I hope you'll like this last chapter anyway!
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

Jisung was brought back to the true reality painfully as he was kicked repeatedly by the man that had clearly kidnapped him. He was yelling at him angrily, clearly letting out his anger on him.

“P-please stop,” Jisung pleaded when he felt like he couldn’t take it anymore. It hurt too much.

The man crouched down in front of him and took him harshly by the hair to force him to look at him. Of course, it was the nice bus driver…

“You fool, you think calling the police would save you, uh?” The man scoffed, a crazy expression on his face, making Jisung shake in dread. “Well, you were wrong. It won’t. You know why? Because I’ll leave the police a bait to occupy them a little longer,” the man smiled creepily and let go of Jisung, to stand up.

Jisung’s eyes widened in fear as the man took out a gun, removed the security and pointed it right at him.

Jisung felt like a deer caught in the headlights.

“NO!” Chan’s roar boomed around them, but it wasn’t loud enough to cover the sound of the gunshot that came with it.

The pain that pierced through Jisung’s abdomen was unreal. He fell backwards. He couldn’t hear or see anything clearly for a long moment, but then it cleared and Jisung saw Chan hitting the man again and again and again, clearly not wanting to stop anytime soon. The man let out a wet insane laugh, and Chan was taken aback for a moment.

“You think it’ll be over if you save everyone? THIS IS NOT OVER!” A loud paradoxical laugher escaped his throat, and Chan felt suddenly so utterly disgusted by this man that he put all his strength into one last hit that took him out instantly.

It was ok now, Chan had taken care of this crazy criminal. Jisung focused back on his critical situation. He needed to put pressure on the wound, right? He did so, but it triggered a deep wave of pain from his wound. A cry escaped his throat, but he still tried to keep the pressure on it.

“Jisung! Jisung, I’m here! Just stay conscious, ok?” Chan exclaimed as he finally reached him, putting even more pressure on the wound causing another pained cry from Jisung. “I took care of the bus driver, he won’t hurt you anymore!” Chan told him, trying to comfort him somehow to make him hold onto life a little longer until the police finally arrived. He could hear the sirens getting closer. It would be ok! They would be fine! But, despite Chan’s attempt at putting pressure on the gunshot wound, Jisung’s blood kept slipping through his fingers.

“You… knocked him out… real good, uh?” Jisung panted under him and Chan lifted his eyes up to meet Jisung’s half-open ones.

“Yeah, yeah, I did…” Chan scoffed through sobs. “Help is almost here, you can stay conscious for me just a little more?”

Jisung nodded. “I’m ok… Go help the others… Minho, Hyunjin and Woojin first, ok?”

Jisung’s brain was foggy, but he remembered that after him they were the ones most likely affected by the gas as they had been the ones dying after him.

“As if I could leave you here by yourself!” Chan replied angrily.

“The others… You need to… take them out of the bus…”

“I know! I know!” Chan screamed, clearly having a hard time knowing that his brothers were still all unconscious in a gas-filled bus. He could still feel the effects, but adrenaline was a powerful thing. “You should focus on yourself! You’re the most in danger right now, so you’re my priority!”

Yes, Jisung wanted to save the others, but there was also another reason he was trying to push Chan away.

He didin’t want to die in his arms again…

He could feel it coming, in the growing blurriness of his vision, in the weakness and dizziness quickly taking over his body, in the uncomfortable coldness taking over him…

“I… I think I’ll just close my eyes for a bit,” Jisung told him.

“W-what? No, you can’t! You have to stay awake, ok?”

“I’m sorry…” Jisung mumbled. “I didn’t want… to make you go through this… again.”

“No. No, jisung, don’t you dare apologize to me like this! We’re all back alive! You can’t be leaving us again! I won’t let you…”

Jisung smiled softly at him. He really wanted to stay, but… but his body had reached its limit.

“Jisungie? Jisung, answer me? No… No, please!”

Darkness filled Jisung’s vision and Chan’s voice faded away.

Jisung thought it would be the end of it, but when he opened his eyes next, he was back in the false reality as a ghost surrounded by his other friends. Minho was there in a second, screaming his name and cradling Jisung in his arms.

“Jisung! What happened? Are you ok?” Hyunjin asked, extremely concerned, like they clearly all were.

“I’m sorry…” He told them, lifting a hand up from where it rested on his abdomen, right where he had been shot. There was blood all over it.

“No no no! Shit, we need to stop the bleeding!” Hyunjin exclaimed, putting pressure on Jisung’s wound, but the blood didn’t even taint Hyunjin’s hands. “How? Ghosts are not supposed to bleed!”

“It doesn’t hurt,” Jisung told him. “Probably just a reflection of my state in the true reality.”

“Guys! I did it! I woke Chan up! I…” Felix exclaimed as he just joined them, but his happiness quickly died down when he noticed Jisung’s bleeding form in Minho’s arms. Felix fell to his knees, completely shocked. His eyes kept wandering between all his brothers and Jisung’s wound, as if searching for help. He tried putting pressure on it as well, but came to the same frightful realization as Hyunjin a few minutes ago.

“I’m so sorry, Jisung, I should’ve done better, I should’ve tried harder, I should’ve… Sorry, I’m so sorry,” Felix cried helplessly.

“It’s ok. You did well… I saw Chan too… We were just a bit too late.” They could all see and hear the pain and exhaustion Jisung felt. “I’m just so glad… We were right… and soon you’ll all be back… alive in the true reality.” Jisung glitched again and they knew they didn’t have much time.

“But without you, it won’t be the same!” Felix yelled in despair.

“I remember it all now… I wish I could have performed longer with you… It was… the best,” Jisung told them and there was a lot of emotion in his voice. “Do well in my stead, ok?”

“We will, promise,” Jeongin broke down, settling on his knees closer to Jisung.

“Great…”Another glitch. “I think it’s time…” He announced.

“No, please… Please, don’t go…” Minho pleaded, crying heavily.

Jisung couldn’t help the tears that fell down his cheeks either.

“I love you…” He whispered one last time.

He faded right in front of their eyes, disappearing into thin air like mist.

They broke down in a mess of cries and wails, their souls afflicted with even more sorrow than the first time they had lost him it seemed.

-

_“HELP! PLEASE! WE’RE HERE!” Chan screamed as soon as the police and ambulance arrived._

_He was still putting pressure on Jisung’s wound despite the fact that he remained unresponsive._

_“Help is here! Jisung, you’re going to be ok, help is…” Chan told him, his voice breaking with hope, but also pure dread. He stopped abruptly though when he noticed something was terribly wrong. He leaned down, putting his cheek on Jisung’s chest._

_Nothing. It didn’t move and there was not the expected comforting sound of his beating heart._

_“What happened?” The paramedics asked, but Chan was completely unable to formulate any coherent thought anymore, even less speaking._

_Jisung… He’d lost Jisung again…_

_-_

“J-Jisung!” Chan woke up screaming.

He looked around confused, but waking up in a hospital room alone was not unexpected. Had he finally collapsed from his insomnia?

Oh, so it had all been a weird dream…

He sat up and took a second to make sure he was alright before removing the oxygen mask. He put his feet on the ground and stood up tentatively. After a few movements, he judged that he clearly wouldn’t be able to jump or run, but he could walk just fine.

He heard a thud from the room next to his, followed by laughing.

He froze there, as if suddenly rooted in place. He recognized these laughs like they were his own.

In a matter of seconds, he was clumsily and wobblily running out of his room, going right to the one next to his.

Hope filled his chest and he prayed that it truly wasn’t just his imagination, that Felix had been right!

He opened the door without even knocking.

At the sight before him, he felt his heart instantly fly away from his chest, the weight of all he had gone through suddenly disappearing as he saw his friends smiling and laughing, alive and well, in this sun-filled room.

They quickly noticed him and called his name happily, embracing him an instant later as Chan collapsed on his knees and cried his heart out in relief. He looked at each and everyone of them, made sure they were really there, a wide smile on his lips, telling them he loved them and he never wanted to lose them ever again.

Warmth… So much warmth and brightness… It felt so incredibly healing. He was just so glad…

He looked around one more time, frowning when he noticed someone was missing.

“Jisung? Where’s Jisung?” He asked, anxiety quickly growing back inside his chest. “He ain’t… It can’t be…”

“I’d join you, but that would be a bit risky,” Jisung’s voice called from the far-corner of the room.

The others moved a bit to let Chan see him. He was surrounded by medical equipment, but was awake.

“Jisung… You idiot! I was really scared, you know! I thought you died!” Despite Chan’s angry yelling, there was clear relief in his eyes.

Chan stood up and went over to Jisung’s bed to give him as much of an embrace as he could.

“Well, actually I did die,” Jisung corrected him.

“He was very lucky. The shot didn’t get any vital organ. Except the CO2 intoxication, he just suffered heavy blood loss. They were able to remove the bullet and reanimate him without any problem. He woke up with us not long ago, but he can’t move from there until the doctor allows it,” Woojin explained.

“You know… I’ve been thinking about something… Maybe I’m immortal?” The others started laughing not taking him seriously at all. “I’m serious! I died 2 times and came back!” Jisung retorted.

“But the first time was an hallucination due to the CO2 intoxication, it doesn’t count,” Hyunjin replied.

Hallucination? What had happened had all been an hallucination?

Chan didn’t want to think too much about it, but something didn’t feel right with that explanation, even if it was probably the most logical answer.

Seeing them act so normally, smiling and teasing each other like this appeased his anxious heart though, and he found himself pushing the doubtful thoughts away.

-

Chan was scrolling through his phone as they entered the group’s van, he was searching for symptoms or weird experiences due to CO2 intoxication, but he found nothing similar to what they had experienced. Group hallucinations like they had seen was unheard of. It annoyed him a lot, but no matter how much he looked for answers, he just couldn’t find anything so he sighed and switched his search page for another one, reading articles about the man that had attempted to kill them instead. He had admitted to everything, but didn’t explain the reasons behind his actions or anything about his plan. It unnerved Chan a lot, but at least the man was in prison now, he wouldn’t hurt them anymore.

Everything was alright now, they were all ready to go back to their apartment, and to their former idol lifestyle. It had been two weeks already since the events. Even Jisung had had the authorisation to leave the hospital, but he would have to wait a while before restarting dancing and practicing choreographies with them.

“Are you coming?” Changbin asked him, Chan being the last one left out of the car.

“Ah, yes!” He apologized for making them wait and entered right away.

Just as he closed the door, he lifted his head up to look outside the window and then everything stopped for a moment.

On the other side of the road, he recognized the man’s creepy smile right away. The car started moving.

“Stop! Stop the car!” Chan asked their manager, panicking.

Why was he here? Why wasn’t he in prison? He had just checked! He wasn’t supposed to be free!

Chan opened the door and exited the car right away, but then a bus passed between them and as soon as he was gone, Chan couldn’t see the man on the other side of the road anymore.

He looked around carefully, but he had completely disappeared.

Was his imagination playing tricks on him?

He swore he really saw him.

_“You think it’ll be over if you save everyone? THIS IS NOT OVER!”_

This sentence would haunt him forever…

Chan apologized, saying he mistook someone for a person he knew. The others looked at him with concern, not completely reassured. They had seen him being a bit paranoid lately, but they could understand why. He had faced the man himself. Jisung too was still having a hard time, especially when it came to fighting his anxiety.

They all had deep mental scars they needed to face now.

Chan remained pensive the rest of the road back to their apartment. There experience in the other reality had been an hallucination…. But what if it wasn’t one? What if they had truly been in another reality? How did it happen? Why did it happen? Why was the man after them?

“Finally, we’re home,” Jisung sighed happily when they finally arrived.

Chan let go of his crazy train of thoughts. He needed to focus on the present, on what felt real and right.

As soon as they entered their apartment everyone went around, glad to finally be back in their own stuff. It had been while… It was weird how their apartment was exactly like their dorm in the other reality, but it hadn’t been ravaged by fire.

Ah, again, Chan would have a hard time escaping that kind of thoughts…

“Chan! You had a box with a letter waiting for you in the living room,” Changbin told him, bringing him said things.

Chan frowned as he read his name written on the letter. Who could have given him that? What was it?

He went to his room and opened the letter. He recognized the handwriting right away, it was his.

_Use it wisely_

Chan never remembered writing this or preparing that box. He opened it and found a key. For what? He was very confused. He took it and looked at it carefully, it was a key with a trinket on it, written SKZ, their abbreviated group name. He stood up, curious, and walked up to his door. The keyhole had always been broken for as long as he could remember, but he still tried it, as if pulled toward it by his own instinct. Strangely, it fit…

When he turned the key and heard the typical sound of a door being unlocked, he frowned.

This was definitely weird, but he couldn’t leave it at that, something was telling him that there was something more to it.

So, he hesitantly pushed the door open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you thought of this fic :) What was your favourite part? What would you have liked to see more of? What constructive advice/criticism do you want to give me? Do you want a part 2 to this fic? 
> 
> Thank you for reading this T_T I'm so happy you read until the end! 
> 
> Now, I have two fics in the writing and one drawing in the making :)
> 
> \- Promise : Minsung fic / Talks about abuse / Super angsty because that's the kind of fics I write, but also has ultra soft moments <3 4 chapters are already out, so you can go check it out ^.^
> 
> \- Wishes (might change name when I'll post it on here): Super power AU / Minsung, Changlix and Hyunin, but not ship-focused (the main story is about their powers and the foes they'll face more than about their love stories) / This fic will be written from the perspective of different members based on how the story goes, but will probably be a bit more Jisung-centered because I love making him the main character (everything will still be written in third person)/ I only have one chapter down so far, so I don't know yet when I'll post it on AO3, but stay updated if you're interested! :) 
> 
> For my art, you can follow me on my new insta art account :  
> @Jessiebulby_art 
> 
> Thank you again so much for reading, and especially to those who commented <3 Comments and positive feedback can literally save lives T_T 
> 
> Stay safe! ^.^

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Tumblr: Wakeyx


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